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An ex question
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello 
I have myself a problem, would love some advice or fresh perspective on it
Okay, I'm quite sweet on an ex-girlfriend of mine. The thing is we've seriously messed each other about for ages and I would admit that I have done some bad things in the time we've known each other. I can admit them, I can appolgise for them too but sadly I can't take them back.
In the last three months she has been very distant and difficult to contact. I know she's been on a few dates and I know she has been talking to an ex over the Internet (ending messages with "love"). My feelings tell me that the quietness is because she is busy with someone but she claims her life is busy.
I think I'd like her back. Actually, I've asked her quite bluntly if she would consider having me back. Getting a straight answer has been difficult. Tonight we spoke, actually getting her to contact me was difficult enough. She wants to (possibly) go with someone else to see if she misses me. To see if she "misses" what she had with me. She was quite patronising talking to me but I guess she feels she has some power over me since I admitted my feelings to her.
Basically, she wants to be friends and try to work things out in her head. I don't really know what to say to that. I don't know why she wants to turn me into a friend and I don't know what I offer as only a friend? Previously, she has tried to hurt me to invoking some jealously in me. I have this nagging feelings that she is with someone else but that she is scared that telling me will mean that she will loose me as a friend. This is probably true, I wouldn't want to contact her and she knows that in this circumstance I would break contact. It's like she wants to do it gently thought, gradually getting me used to the idea.
Even if she wants to turn me into a friend. I just don't know what a few emails or text messages every so often is going to be worth to her or me? I don't really know what to think.
She's left it that she will reply to my messages but I have to write first. This isn't really what I wanted.
I have myself a problem, would love some advice or fresh perspective on it Okay, I'm quite sweet on an ex-girlfriend of mine. The thing is we've seriously messed each other about for ages and I would admit that I have done some bad things in the time we've known each other. I can admit them, I can appolgise for them too but sadly I can't take them back.
In the last three months she has been very distant and difficult to contact. I know she's been on a few dates and I know she has been talking to an ex over the Internet (ending messages with "love"). My feelings tell me that the quietness is because she is busy with someone but she claims her life is busy.
I think I'd like her back. Actually, I've asked her quite bluntly if she would consider having me back. Getting a straight answer has been difficult. Tonight we spoke, actually getting her to contact me was difficult enough. She wants to (possibly) go with someone else to see if she misses me. To see if she "misses" what she had with me. She was quite patronising talking to me but I guess she feels she has some power over me since I admitted my feelings to her.
Basically, she wants to be friends and try to work things out in her head. I don't really know what to say to that. I don't know why she wants to turn me into a friend and I don't know what I offer as only a friend? Previously, she has tried to hurt me to invoking some jealously in me. I have this nagging feelings that she is with someone else but that she is scared that telling me will mean that she will loose me as a friend. This is probably true, I wouldn't want to contact her and she knows that in this circumstance I would break contact. It's like she wants to do it gently thought, gradually getting me used to the idea.
Even if she wants to turn me into a friend. I just don't know what a few emails or text messages every so often is going to be worth to her or me? I don't really know what to think.
She's left it that she will reply to my messages but I have to write first. This isn't really what I wanted.
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Comments
The truth hurts sometimes but it looks as though she is trying to move on and you should try to do the same. Just take time out with your mates and chill out a bit.
There will be times when moving on that you hate her guts (thinking about things shes done) and times when you feel you cant live without her (thinking about all the good times together), but thats all part of the grieving process.
Eventually you will look back and wonder what you were so hung up over but until you've had time to grieve over this you will never be true friends, it just wont work.
I know that she's been honest and it wasn't the reply I wanted. It's over and likely forever this time!
I'd love some insight into her thinking? Why make me into a friend, I am clueless what we offer each other as friends after being close?
If she does have someone new then why not tell me? I would prefer this - I need to hate her, know she is lost forever. Doesn't that seem reasonable?
The last sentence of your first post says it all. She has no interest in initiating contact with you, or hearing how your life is going. She is happy for you to contact her, for your head to be full of thoughts of her, but she doesn't want to put any time or effort into maintaining any kind of relationship with you. Romantic or otherwise.
Take care, mate, and keep your chin up. There are lots more fish in the sea, it'll just take a little time and a bit of heartache before you're able to see that. But you will
For sake of it, I want to push her about this. I don't expect I will like the response but I would rather hear it. Just for me. When I think hard about it, I don't want someone who acts like this; lying, quiet and disinterested. It would be nice to hear the truth and set straight with something like "I don't want you and never have done".