Home› Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options

Love

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Is it wrong to wonder why your boyfriend hasn't said he's loved you after a year and a half? Is it wrong to question if he even does? When you say you do and he makes you feel stupid and ignores you for the next month? When he calls you a pain in the ass all the time then says he's joking. When the only times he even says he likes you is when you ask him. Is that wrong? When you've been living together over a year? Am I in the wrong wanting so much? Am I being too needy? Should I even bother asking if he likes me anymore... have I worn out my welcome...

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lllkkkkj wrote:
    Is it wrong to wonder why your boyfriend hasn't said he's loved you after a year and a half? Is it wrong to question if he even does? When you say you do and he makes you feel stupid and ignores you for the next month? When he calls you a pain in the ass all the time then says he's joking. When the only times he even says he likes you is when you ask him. Is that wrong? When you've been living together over a year? Am I in the wrong wanting so much? Am I being too needy? Should I even bother asking if he likes me anymore... have I worn out my welcome...

    It does sound like he's in the wrong, but perhaps if you gave us a more in depth story, we'd be able to help...
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if he doesnt love you by now, he never will :(
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    From what you've said it sounds like he doesn't love you, and not just because he doesn't say it. If he doesn't love you by now he never will, as suzy says.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its a bit peculiar you've been living with him for a year and he hasn't said he's loved you. I'm thinking there must be two sides to every story:

    - on the one hand, I agree with the SCC and Kermit that if he doesn't love you by now it doesn't look like he will anytime soon...

    but

    - on the other hand, maybe you have low self confidence and self esteem, and as such you over-analyse whether he loves you or not, you ask him frequently if he likes you and he says yes, but you feel bad he doesn't say it of his own accord

    I would talk to him about your concerns, because if case a is true, then it will come out he doesn't love you and you can go your own way - you dont want to be stuck in a loveless relationship :(. If case b is true, then he'll surely tell you he loves you but feels you are too sensitive and 'needy' (sorry, I'm not accusing you of being needy, just that there may be two perspectives to this).
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh dear, I know it's easy to say from the outside looking in and a lot easier said than done, but still I think you'd be well shot of this fellow. It is not "needy" to want affirmation and kind words from your partner of 18 months, and if he is making you feel needy for wanting this kind of basic attention from him then he is not worth the anguish. You can't see it through objective eyes, but I am wondering how he DARES to make you feel this way and have the cheek to call you his girlfriend. I'd have given up by now, you truly can't polish a turd.

    Generally, and to give the benefit of the doubt (slightly), I have found people who are not open to love will fall in love with you at the beginning and then close up because they are scared... that's what happened with my ex. He could never open up and it made me feel awful and along with his compulsive cheating destroyed our relationship. It's also happened to a close friend of mine who was with a guy for FOUR YEARS who was clammed up completely and barely even spoke a kind word to her during the entire time. I should add that she took him on as a "project" so it was pretty much self-inflicted :crazyeyes
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It isn't the fact that he doesn't say he loves her- some men find that hard- its the fact that this man belittles her whenever she says it to him.

    Some men find it hard to show how much affection they hold, but this man is finding it easy- he holds no affection for you.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Violette wrote:
    i dont think you can possibly tell that he has 'no affection' for her from that small post

    I'd normally agree with that to an extent, but the OP's comment that he makes her feel stupid and he ignores her when she has shown affection makes me reach the conclusion that I have.

    Regardless of whether the OP is being completely honest, or being a little bit paranoid, a man who loves you wouldn't do that.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There's nothing really to the story. It has just been your average run of the mill relationship. We moved in early because I didn't have a place to live. I pay him monthly on a price we agreed so theres never been any money fights. Theres never been any real fights at all. A couple skirmishes as all couples have but its alright.

    We communicate... well I do. If theres something wrong I'll try and talk about it. Whether it be sex or anything in general. I've told him how I feel about this too. He gives the same responses for everything. A bland OK, a "well I'm not good with emotions" or some other generic line. A line is the best I can ever get.

    I don't want to blame him for things. If I see problems, I can't be alone in it. I'm sure there are tons of things he finds wrong with me and the way I act also. I'll try to bring that up also. I'll ask him if theres anything he would like to be different or anything else. When I have a problem I'll ask if theres anything he has a problem with. I never get an answer. Most of the time he'll just get angry that I even ask, saying "why do you have to say that." So I never even know what problems I may be causing.

    I've never really been a needy person and I don't want to blame it on him, but sometimes I feel like he has helped cause it. I've never had to ask, well do you even like me? before. But I get the feeling recently that I need to just so I know I'm not wasting space here.

    He gets mad if I go to sleep in the spare room, and I've taken that as to be one of the few signs that he still likes me.

    I don't want it to be like this, I just don't know what else to do.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe relationship couselling would help you both get your feelings out in the open? Just talking from experience, I know some guys belittle their girlfriends but only mean it in a jokey / good natured way. But that's down to your judgement whether he's playing or whether he's just being mean.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lllkkkkj wrote:
    We communicate... well I do. If theres something wrong I'll try and talk about it. Whether it be sex or anything in general. I've told him how I feel about this too. He gives the same responses for everything. A bland OK, a "well I'm not good with emotions" or some other generic line. A line is the best I can ever get.

    You might as well try and discuss your relationship when he isnt there then, that isnt communication at all.

    If you cant discuss things with him, then you have no relationship.
Sign In or Register to comment.