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Family stuff - Grrr
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Just a rant really...
I've been invited to my cousin's 18th birthday. Now please don't get me wrong, I have nothing against my cousin, although my father's side of the family are methodist (and yes, my 18 year old cousin uses the word 'coloured' to describe people who are black and 'common' to describe low income people), they are nice people yet I don't feel that comfortable with them...
Of course the party is 'no alcohol... bring your own if you want it' and I respect that, but at the same time there's the whole issue of my parent's divorce.
See my Mother and stepdad have been invited, as have my father and his girlfriend (i.e. one of the many women my Dad had an affair with when he was still married to Mum before leaving us in a cold house and not going through the correct legal procedures to get away with not paying full child support - wanker :mad: )... Now I found out the other day that on my 18th birthday when my Dad and his girlfriend came his 'lady' had a 'funny turn' (she's an alcoholic) in the toilet and my Mum spent the night trying to help her...
Yeah, my Mum is too nice.
Anyway... I know a lot of people here know I've had some 'issues' with my family and I'm just about getting over them, but I'm worried my cousin's birthday will bring them back. I don't want to be around my Dad's girlfriend... She's one of the few people I honestly believe has a cold heart and she has a drink problem and I don't want her touching me or talking to me (not because she's an alcoholic, but because she did some nasty things)...
I also don't want my Mum to suffer... I mean she's over Dad now, but I don't want his girlfriend to come near us...
I know I'm a terrible person for still holding resentment for the things she did to us, I should really grow the fuck up...
Also... It may sound stupid, but I feel like my cousin is the daughter my father always wanted... She's bright, she's a good Christian and very musical (I am not Christian, not too bright and I hate performing). I hold no anger towards her, but I feel it's how he wanted me to grow up to be.
I really don't know how to feel about going to this party. Are my feelings justified? Should I talk to my Dad and his girlfriend? Am I just being a selfish littlew madam?
I've been invited to my cousin's 18th birthday. Now please don't get me wrong, I have nothing against my cousin, although my father's side of the family are methodist (and yes, my 18 year old cousin uses the word 'coloured' to describe people who are black and 'common' to describe low income people), they are nice people yet I don't feel that comfortable with them...
Of course the party is 'no alcohol... bring your own if you want it' and I respect that, but at the same time there's the whole issue of my parent's divorce.
See my Mother and stepdad have been invited, as have my father and his girlfriend (i.e. one of the many women my Dad had an affair with when he was still married to Mum before leaving us in a cold house and not going through the correct legal procedures to get away with not paying full child support - wanker :mad: )... Now I found out the other day that on my 18th birthday when my Dad and his girlfriend came his 'lady' had a 'funny turn' (she's an alcoholic) in the toilet and my Mum spent the night trying to help her...
Yeah, my Mum is too nice.
Anyway... I know a lot of people here know I've had some 'issues' with my family and I'm just about getting over them, but I'm worried my cousin's birthday will bring them back. I don't want to be around my Dad's girlfriend... She's one of the few people I honestly believe has a cold heart and she has a drink problem and I don't want her touching me or talking to me (not because she's an alcoholic, but because she did some nasty things)...
I also don't want my Mum to suffer... I mean she's over Dad now, but I don't want his girlfriend to come near us...
I know I'm a terrible person for still holding resentment for the things she did to us, I should really grow the fuck up...
Also... It may sound stupid, but I feel like my cousin is the daughter my father always wanted... She's bright, she's a good Christian and very musical (I am not Christian, not too bright and I hate performing). I hold no anger towards her, but I feel it's how he wanted me to grow up to be.
I really don't know how to feel about going to this party. Are my feelings justified? Should I talk to my Dad and his girlfriend? Am I just being a selfish littlew madam?
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Comments
You are not a terrible person at all - I think your feelings are quite justified. If you don't wanna go, then don't go. Make your excuses - a little white lie never hurts in this sort of situation to soften the blow, i.e "oh me and my friend have had something planned that night for ages and ages now". If you're still getting over what these people did, then I actually think it's best to stay away for now.
And a sidenote - if the're all such good Christians, why don't they do something about her alcoholism? These people make me chuckle sometimes...
That would figure I guess...
Aren't you really busy at the moment with your degree and numerous environmental commitments? If you really want to lie and give them a different reason, use this.
Is your brother going, or has he deiceded agaisnt it as well. You either dont go and make up some excuse or if you really want to go, go for a couple of hours speak to the realatives you want to and leave. I dont blame you for not wanting to go, you've had a rough ride regarding your family. I you do go you might to explain to your mum beforehand why your not going for very long (I'm sure she'd understand) and stay well away from your father.
Do you want to see Auntie Phyllis? If you havent seen her in such a long time, does it matter that you don't see her again soon? Just because these people are 'family' does not mean that you have to do anything that makes you unhappy.
No idea if Jon's (my bro) going, I hope so then I can hang around with him.
It's not that I don't want to go, I am not fussed... I just don't know how to feel, especially seeing my Dad's girlfriend who did some really sick stuff to us... But if we don't go then she's won. She's claimed my family and my father as her own (she didn't like him spending time with us)...
I'm confused.
Have decided to go, but will try to avoid my Dad and his girlfriend as much as possible and otherwise be polite.