Home Sex & Relationships

Is Love a funny thing ?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm in love, you'd think that'd be good wouldn't you ? It's not. How do i convince people that what I'm feeling is love and not just a crush or lust ? I can't. I'm in love with a person who doesn't feel that way about me yet she's the one i want, she really is. I've never felt for someone before the way i feel for this person. It's different to a crush or lust, in my opinion much different but then i would say that. I despair sometimes, a lot actually, my worst fear in life is being alone, by that i mean being left alone, being unloved, being friendless.

Along those lines. I have moment's where i think " yeah ok maybe i am just a tiny bit attractive " but for the most part i don't think so i don't think i have much to offer in the looks department and please don't tell me looks aren't everything, everything they may not be but they play a huge part it in, and the belief that I'm not attractive is based on how i see myself and events that have taken place through my life that lead me to this conclusion.

I feel like I'm never going to be loved by someone and it means a hell of a lot to me. I've had a few girlfriend's but i was young stupid and never considered the future and what I'd want. I accept that i don't go out and socialise often enough to meet people but even if i did I'm not at all sure anyone would be interested anyway. I used to be VERY shy and i overcame it, if I'm honest it's quite an achievement from how i used to be to how i am today. The problem is that people only seem to see me as a friend material. I feel like I'm never going to be good enough.

More recently I've come to realise that, i know nothing, i have no real experience of relationships, i have no real understanding of them or their dynamic. Everywhere i look i see happy couples, ok happy on the outside, kissing cuddling, i see what i want and don't have, what i want and can't seem to get. I am a nice guy, friendly, sociable, funny, deeply caring, i've always been that guy who was everyone's best friend.

I've always gone out of my way to see that other people were happy and I've never ever thought of my own happiness. However I'm 24 now grown up more mature with a better head on my shoulders and i now realise more than ever what want most in life, I know who i now want in life, my life, but yet again in my life the person i like doesn't feel the same.

It's the story of my life, it really is. Everyone I've ever felt attracted to hasn't felt the same back. I've learnt to live with rejection but what do you do when you yearn to tell someone you like so much the way you feel about them, knowing it's not going to make any difference, potentially maybe even ruin a wonderful friendship. I know it sounds like I'm whining at this part but if everyone around me can at one time or another get together with someone, why on earth can i not ?

I have this great sense of sadness in my heart that i care, love and feel the way i do, and feel i have so much to offer .. and no one to offer it to. I don't want to wait for it, I've waited long enough for " it " to happen. I feel ready to meet someone, settle down and just live a happy life with someone special. I'm almost at the point of questioning myself, am i really good enough ? Maybe I'm not and maybe it's just not meant to be for me ?

I don't really know why I'm posting this publicly. I guess i just needed to get it off my chest. I live with these feelings everyday and it starts to get to you, you know. I've heard " only you can change things " so many times, and I've tried. Something else is obviously missing

I just feel like I'm stuck at times. There are other factors that make me feel shit but it all builds up and i keep everything locked away inside trying to ignore it all.

I'm sorry if this post annoys anyone. I need to get this off my chest before it breaks me.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Looks are only important if you choose to make them important.

    If you've convinced yourself that you're unattractive then people will pick up on it. Why would anyone you want to be with someone who has convinced themselves that they're unattractive?

    If you don't go out and socialise you won't meet new people. And saying that no one would be interested is just an easy way to back out. If you're not used to going out, it's fucking terrifying. So it's easier just to tell yourself that it'd be shite and that you're better off at home.

    It's really up to yourself. If you convince yourself that you'll never be loved or that you'll never be happy, you won't be.

    I seriously think you'd be a lot happier and probably a bit more succesful if you put all the thoughts of settingly down out of your head. Hell, just forget about relationships for awhile. If you're going around desperatly searching for someone to spend your life with, it's never going to happen.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to hear you're feeling a bit shitty about stuff.

    I'm really cynical about the whole thing justnow, but I'll try and give you my perspective, for what it's worth.

    I really think that a lot of the time, things are meant to happen. Sometimes you can be out, and bump into somebody in a club or just wherever and things go from there. Not even just a club or anything, could be somebody who starts at work, through your mates at a party, wherever. It doesn't matter if your not Brad Pitt or whoever else, it happens to everybody at some point, I really think that. Fucking hell, Chris De Burgh got laid at least once (seen his daughter btw? :thumb:)

    But you have to make sure you're putting yourself out there, always accepting invitiations wherever and just making sure you're living your life. If you're doing this, then not only are you increasing your chances of meeting somebody - if you go out with somebody and it goes tits up then you've a good social life to fall back on.

    Getting rejected or chucked aint nice, but sometimes it's a blessing in disguise. I fucked up an interview with 02 during the summer, was really gutted because it was really good money and perks. Thought I'd fucked it up and I'd be stuck in my shitty job for ever, till I joined a rival network a couple of weeks later for even better money. Relationships go like that sometimes too, been proper gutted over a girl more times than I care to remember, but before ya know it a better one comes along that blows your mind and so on.

    I'm sometimes really down on myself too, I really do think I'm a bit of a daftie with not much to say for myself and whatever else. I think you've just got to learn to be ambivolent to yourself really, quite often your opinion of yourself won't match the opinion other people have of you.

    How many times have you seen somebody who clearly loves themslelf, but you just think "t.w.a.t"? Works the other way round too, some boy who's feet are on the ground and has his head screwed on might not seem like a lot to you, but a lot of girls really will love that about you.

    It'll come, that's the most patronising advice in the world, but it will. If you've been hurt before or if you've been on your own for a while then you really do appreciate it when it comes and she's a proper wicked girl.

    Chin up mate, try not to think about it too much :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Man reading that ... exactly how i am right now .. still.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling really down, I hope it passes soon enough.

    Unrequited love is the most painful thing, its the worst kind of rejection. But its something you bring on yourself- you don't love someone you don't know, its impossible to do so.

    But how do you know if the love is unrequited? You haven't said much about the girl, but if she's single and a friend then how do you know that she doesn't or won't love you back? The thing holding you back is yourself. The fear of being rejected is ensuring that you are rejected.

    Even if she doesn't and won't ever feel like that about you, it doesn't mean every single girl in the whole world is going to be like that. There is someone for everyone, because everyone in the world looks for something slightly different in a partner. I'm happily married but I know that most women wouldn't look twice at me; point is that if you take one person's opinion as a true fact then you're just going to crush yourself with it.

    You're 24, that's young, but I know it feels like forever. All I can say is that if you keep your chin up and you keep going then things can happen. It's hard to get out of a cycle of feeling like you're no good, but you can do it, everyone can.

    Infinite is right. Try and take a break from worrying about girlfriends and relationships and being serious, you've got forever for that. I know its easier said than done but don't try and force the issue, because you end up looking needy and unattractive and that puts people off. It's hard to let other people love you when you don't love yourself; its hard to build a relationship with someone else when you don't like the relationship you have with you.

    I really hope you feel better about things soon. I wish there was a magic pill or something that you could give to people to make them see how fantastic they really are.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would like to note the following.

    Infinite, It's so not the case that i go around desperately seeking someone, I'm still not THAT confident. I at times feel i'm unattractive but at no point do i ever do or say anything that would end up with a potential interest knowing this and being put off. It's really not the case i'm desperately outwardly seeking the thing's I've talked about.

    It's me and what i feel INSIDE. Outwardly I'm not one to actually talk about my feeling's. I'm nothing but smiley and laughable. Looking at me i honestly don't feel a female would be able to say, oh he's desperate. I'm cool calm & nonchalant about it all. But INSIDE yes maybe i am perhaps trying to rush it a bit because i want it a lot.

    Bri, I've been cynical in the past, at the moment i;m going through the stage of holding out this little bit of hope with everything in my life rather than go back to being the old and VERY negative me that would give up before even trying properly. I accept rejection now, i understand it all better now. I've been rejected enough to know it very well.

    When i'm around people outside it's like i said above, calm collected laughable and get on with EVERYONE. But i can't get going in the relationship stakes.

    You don't understand what it is to be me, feeling at this age having not ever had a *proper * grown up relationship and having an aching desire to have one and share life with someone special. Ok maybe you do but not specifically in my case.

    Kermit, I know it doesn't mean every girl is the same but do you understand that when you've been rejected so many time's you start to give up a bit. It's not a fear of rejection in this case, i know for sure it's a no. I wish i could believe that there is someone for everyone out there, that little glimmer of hope i hold tells me i should believe that more but i find that hard to do.

    I've done the whole forgetting about the whole relationship thing. up to the age of 18 relationships ment nothing to me, for similar reasons to happens to me today, between 18 & 20 it meant a bit more as i did have someone for a period in my life but from 20 onwards i've felt my life has been empty lonely and i want someone. It's not a cse of taking a break from something i've never felt trully i could achieve successfully.

    I've always thought of it as it's something i want but females have never taken an interest that way and got on with it, and i always will get on with it but it doesnt stop the aching. Never have i or will i try to force the issue, in fact i've never had the chance to bring it up.

    Lastly, it's like a vicious circle isnt it, i dont love myself because i've never felt loved, been showered with love or had someone that special in my life, all i've faced IS rejection so it follows that i find it hard to love myself.

    Thanks for the replies though :)
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Kermit wrote:
    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling really down, I hope it passes soon enough.

    Unrequited love is the most painful thing, its the worst kind of rejection.

    :yes: I'm sorry to hear about this too. You might find this article on Unrequited Love interesting. There's no denying that relationships are important for many of us, but in the long term, it sounds like you're being too harsh on yourself and often the best relationships occur when we least expect them too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    being in love to me, is a content feeling where you can walk away, miss them but feel good about it, because you are in love.

    but that is how i feel. I'm not going to to into it deeper. I'm not stupid, i feel i know the difference between love lust etc.

    I'm not going to be able to convince, nor explain this properly, but i know this person, i know that when we talk everything feels right, when we laugh and everything else.
    **Helen** wrote:
    There's no denying that relationships are important for many of us, but in the long term, it sounds like you're being too harsh on yourself and often the best relationships occur when we least expect them too.

    Hi Helen, maybe i am being a bit harsh on myself but i want whats best for me, i want what a lot of other people have, and to share what i have to offer to someone. I've gone with the flow and tried to see how thing's go. I dud used to have a good social life at one point a while back and through that i just went with thing's, in that time nothing happened, now ok maybe i didnt give it long enough but at that time, it didnt mean what it does now to me.

    If it helps people to understand why i feel " rushed " about this i will say this. Last year i lost a friend in a car accident and it totally made me rethink everything, i now see everything in a different light and i now believe that you need to get thing's whilst you can because life's simply too damn short. I'm sorry that people can't understand how i feel, it's my fault tha ti can't explain myself properly. I just know how i feel.

    : )
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    edn1 wrote:
    but that is how i feel. I'm not going to to into it deeper. I'm not stupid, i feel i know the difference between love lust etc.

    I'm not going to be able to convince, nor explain this properly, but i know this person, i know that when we talk everything feels right, when we laugh and everything else. Ach i'm just not going to explain this. I know how i feel.

    : )
    I think I know what you're on about. You can be in love with someone, which is what Matt is on about. Then you can have lust for someone, which is what you get when you have strong feelings for someone, who doesn't necessarily have them back (and this can trick you into thinking it's love). But then you can also love someone, and have them love you back as friends, but you also have strong feelings for them. You're not 'in love' with that person, because I think it takes two people to being in love, but you can love them. You don't have to be going out with someone to love them. I have a few friends who I love to bits, and would be gutted if I couldn't spend time with them or talk to them regularly. Gah, it's complicated to say what I mean, but I hope you get the jist.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think I know what you're on about. You can be in love with someone, which is what Matt is on about. Then you can have lust for someone, which is what you get when you have strong feelings for someone, who doesn't necessarily have them back (and this can trick you into thinking it's love). But then you can also love someone, and have them love you back as friends, but you also have strong feelings for them. You're not 'in love' with that person, because I think it takes two people to being in love, but you can love them. You don't have to be going out with someone to love them. I have a few friends who I love to bits, and would be gutted if I couldn't spend time with them or talk to them regularly. Gah, it's complicated to say what I mean, but I hope you get the jist.


    I think i do. It's hard to explain what i mean. I understand what you are all saying, however i do think a person can be " in love " with another person, let's assume that to be someone you know, and fair enough you have lust. In my minds eye, it's more than " loving someone to bit's ". I dare not speak freely for fear of really not being understood. It's nigh on impossible to make anyone understand the feeling's i have inside me, what i will say is that the feeling's i have are in my opinion not one's of lust or anything like it.

    Bare in mind i know this person it's not a stranger or anything like that. I'm not confused about how i feel, inside i know what it is. Hell if i sound stupid or deluded then so be it. I can't ignore how i feel. ETA I just want to add again that i'm not stupid. I have taken on board what has been said by various people who have replied, i am aware of how the other person feels with regard to me
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That post makes perfect sense.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The only concrete advice i have to offer is that you do your best to enjoy your life, because girls are kind of repelled from miserable guys. Unrequited love can, unfortunately, not be solved, and i do understand and it really sucks. I don't think the fact whether your in love or not plays such a significant role here, as you can see how miserable you are atm. It's pretty much the same for me--i can, sadly but truly, recognise myself in this thread. :( I know that gnawing feeling in the stomach, that terrible feeling of loneliness. I'm just sure that the best idea for you is to do your best to get into a fresh attitude and force yourself to put aside this girl.

    What happened to me when i did the contrary, i was pretty much messed up beyond all recognition /MUBAR :D. I couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate, couldn't deviate from that incessant obsessive attitude. Now i'm doing my best to take things more lightly because blaming myself would never improve my situation, right? But i have to say, honestly and earnestly, that i am able to post this solely because i am in a good mood right now. Ask me in a week, and i'll be devastated again. Hope this shit clears up for you, i know it'll do in the future. Cheers :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    edn1 wrote:
    Looking at me i honestly don't feel a female would be able to say, oh he's desperate. I'm cool calm & nonchalant about it all.

    Maybe, but would you say you come across as confident? It really shows when a guy is happy in himself, the more obviously happy he is in himself then the more fun he is to be around, and the more likely he is to be attractive to girls.

    As far as being desperate goes - do you think you are? I really don't mean this to come across as being harsh, but putting this girl you like to one side, do you think you just want anybody to stop you feeling lonely and would just take anything that comes along? Or do you have things you like and don't like in girls, like a type?

    I don't think relationships are a are a direct cure for loneliness, because the fear of going back to being lonely can proper fuck up a relationship, which is why sometimes it's a good idea to be happy being single so you've got something to fall back on.

    Out of interest, how do you tend to meet girls? Through friends, work, do you go clubbing or anything like that?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bri-namite wrote:
    Maybe, but would you say you come across as confident? It really shows when a guy is happy in himself, the more obviously happy he is in himself then the more fun he is to be around, and the more likely he is to be attractive to girls.

    As far as being desperate goes - do you think you are? I really don't mean this to come across as being harsh, but putting this girl you like to one side, do you think you just want anybody to stop you feeling lonely and would just take anything that comes along? Or do you have things you like and don't like in girls, like a type?

    I don't think relationships are a are a direct cure for loneliness, because the fear of going back to being lonely can proper fuck up a relationship, which is why sometimes it's a good idea to be happy being single so you've got something to fall back on.

    Out of interest, how do you tend to meet girls? Through friends, work, do you go clubbing or anything like that?

    I would say that my confidence varies, if I'm really honest. When i'm out with my current group of friends for example I'm the quiet type, as i generally am, although i can go into hilarious mode yapping away being my funny [laughable] self. In that instance my confidence is good, generally and in myself.

    No i really don't think I'm desperate. I have what i like in someone of the opposite sex and it's partly why i feel the way i do for this person at the moment, because i see in her all the thing's that i would like in someone, that we get on well like we do, that makes me happy. Honest to god this girl aside, i don't want just " anybody ", of course i look for certain thing's in a match but i don't nor wouldn't force it. I don't have a set " type " but .. you know when something just feels right ? That's me right now. I'm not saying it's not me if another person came into my life but with her, it feels right.

    My fear of loneliness is not directly related to having a relationship but i don't want to be left behind either. It all goes way back to past experience's that have altered my thinking, feeling. I don't meet just girl's to answer your last question. When i do go out with my social circle, which at the moment isn't too often again, i meet various people.

    These day's as I've come along way from the shy old me i used to be, I can sit and chat with any random person, it doesnt ever occur to me, even if i think hey shes nice, about relationship's. I just sit and chat, be myself, i think i can be quite charming actually if i'm honest. It always leads back to either just a random chit chat or becoming friend's. Hey you can never have enough friends but when is it going to end.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    because girls are kind of repelled from miserable guys. Unrequited love can, unfortunately, not be solved,

    Can i point out, emphatically, that i am not miserable when i'm out. In fact the only time i let my guard down and let my feelings take over is when i'm sat at home where i know no one can see it.

    I'm forever making my friend's laugh, i can make anyone laugh, it's what i'm good at.

    As for unrequited love. I know it cannot be resolved, god knows i know that for sure. I don't really know why i posted this in the first place. I've been rubbish at explaining myself. It's tough to get how i feel, and be understood, across.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Matt, all due respect, it's love. It's nothing like lust. Belive me when i say i am *not* lusting after this girl. Sure, one day if i meet someone who turns round and says hey i love you, and shows it, it might get an even deeper meaning, but this is love no two way's about it.

    I just read that other thread Calvin made. Funny how he's told " You just know it when it's right " .. it's not what i'm being told, not that i need to be told, i already knew it.

    A lot of what was said in that other thread goes a way to describing love and part way to describing how i feel.

    I should just shut up now and let this thread go away. I can't change the way i feel, it wont just go away with time, but yeah she doesnt feel the same. I just hold out a tiny bit of hope one day she seems me in that light. I know i'll always feel this way for her, she's always got a place in my heart.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I understand where you're coming from, I bet a lot of people on this forum know what you are feeling. You do love her but it is a lust love, trust me on this.

    But please if you do these something please do this,
    1) Realise that you can fall in love with many MANY girls, it just takes a little intimacy and uniqueness.

    2) She is JUST a female, like the other 1 billion+ elmales on this
    planet, all potential life soul mates.

    If you thin about it there _WILL_ be a girl on this eath that is more compatible and more in tune to you than her, she is just one girl that lives close to you and is your type to capture your heart.

    I meet a lot of girls on a regular basis that I KNOW if i spent time with I could potentially love(but i have found someone already)..

    What I would want a friend in your situation to do is use your head, think sensibly, let this run it's course and realise your mistakes and gain some experience so you know when you meet one of your REAL loves.

    I will tell you though, I don't expect you to understand, I have told all this to quite a few friends of mine who have been in your situation, but now they understand what I mean and they now realise that they felt a type of lust love.

    I agree with you that his feelings aren't genuine love, although this doesn't solve the problem, right? I can recall the immense intensity and i frankly dont care whether it's love or not, i simply cannot live happily without her. You can't fight it, it's too intense and tbh the problem still remains, regardless of his feeling's validity as the pain is still there.

    I know right now, you can't fight this feeling, nor can you suppress it. It's simply too much to forget, and it's a living hell if the girl doesn't feel the same. You just need to do your best to ignore and forget it. There's nothing more i can say, only that i can understand the situation and you cannot do anything else than forget her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Love fucking hurts man. Deep deep hurt.

    But at the same time, you have to think that if something hurts that much, it must have made you feel really good to begin with.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What I would want a friend in your situation to do is use your head, think sensibly, let this run it's course and realise your mistakes and gain some experience so you know when you meet one of your REAL loves.

    :yes:

    I started really doubting myself too, every girl I've been with has cheated or lied to me and it really, really did me in. I didn't know whether this was the way girls were and it was me expecting too much and I almost drove myself mad over it. But all I had ever had from relationships was shit, just like you feel all you've had is rejection and it's clouding your judgement.

    But there is somebody out there for you, there's probably thousands. That's the reality of it.

    Like Matt says, all you can do is learn from it. This one didn't feel the same, whether it's love or lust or whatever. It sucks balls when that happens, but it's a lot more special when the other person feels the same.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I understand that, by not explaining thing's fully it makes it harder for anyone else to understand. I love this girl. At a younger age i learnt exactly what lust was, i lusted after someone i didn't really know and boy did that hurt to fuck, but i did learn from it. Yes i agree that you can fall in love with many other girl's, no one has the ability to love one and only person. I know that she is just one person and their are many more out their, who if you choose to believe so could be potential partners/soul mates etc.
    she is just one girl that lives close to you and is your type to capture your heart.

    but hold on isn't that all part of it ? that you meet someone who DOES capture your heart, she captures mine like no one has before. I know that sound's cheesy but fuck it that's the truth. Of course she's just another female but she's one I've grown to feel this way about.
    But at the same time, you have to think that if something hurts that much, it must have made you feel really good to begin with.

    This is the point, it hurts that much because you care that much, because it mean's a lot and most of all because what you feel is real. It hurts that much because it does make you feel very happy, i'm happiest talking with her having a laugh, she's the brightest thing in my otherwise quiet life. I think about her all the time, i care deeply, of course i do we're friend's. It does make me feel good, when i think of her it puts a smile on my face, and i talk of it this way not just because i have feelings for her but because she's a damn, damn good friend.

    Yanno something, the more i read my whole thread, the more I'm believe in myself. Matt, i *am* using my head. I'm using every bit of experience I've used so far, every bit of me that speaks sense, and it tells me this is something more. I don't expect too much of myself, if anything i expect too little.

    Oh Bri, i don't look at it as shit, I've grown up to realise rejection is all part and parcel of it, i can blow off rejection a lot easier today than i could a few year's ago. It's not clouding my judgement, if anything it's providing a further perspective to it. I've learnt from every rubbish experience I've had to date, how can you not ? At time's you question yourself, then realise that shit you are worth that much and then some. I can't argue that it's a lot more special when the other person feels the same, who could ?

    However she's special, i feel this way, I've used my head, my common sense and i tell you again, whether it is one sided or not, it is love. If this was lust I'd sure as hell kick it off quickfuckingtime. I know people are going to read this now, and in future and think I'm an idiot. People are, and are going to disagree with my view's/feeling's, though no one can argue about how i feel.

    The truth of the matter is this is how i feel, she doesn't feel the same but i have got one hell of a fucking fantastic friend who it'd do anything for, and even if she doesn't feel the same, I've got friendship and that is enough to get me along. The hurting will always be their but you can't do anything about it when it's not reciprocated, i know that.

    Thank you all for the advice/opinion's. They are much appreciated. For what it's worth Matt, i do understand. I made a mistake in posting what i did. O probably sound like a right dick. As usual I'll live with it.

    I must apologise for the length of my replies, as difficult as they are to read and it can be a chore to have to read it all, i had to do it this way to explain what i did the way i did.

    Think i should just let the thread go now :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The first step is acceptance.

    If you are finding it hard to let go then there will be something in your head telling you that you do have a chance. Re creating scenarios in your mind where she was in love with you all a long but was holding back and you kiss. Your mind does not care if you suffer or not, it does not abide by the reality that she does not love you and she is just a girl, that her shit stinks too. Your mind is it's own worst enemy, it creates these scenarios from even the slightest idea that she might like you, it's like a drug, when she says hi in a really nice way BAM you've had a hit, great feelings, but then she walks away and you feel really really shit, longing for her, then just as you hit your peak of feeling bad you take another hit, this keeps going and your brain gets stuck in a perpetuating loop.

    Yea, I completely agree with you on this. It's a painful truth. I can say right now that I'm experiencing the same thing... all the day I dream away with the thought of holding her hand and I shouldn't even begin with the dreams I get alost every night during these preceding weeks being with her. I'm hit, I'm hit badly, which I know but don't want to fight against. This cherished illusion is too important to me-- I cannot live without it.

    I realised the obsession is unhealthy when I got a sort of stress attack yesterday. I was so pissed that I decided to run myself off for a few kilometers, even though i had run the day before and was exhausted. When i got home, i couldn't hold myself from crying. it was pathetic, but i couldn't contain myself. She's got to me, really bad, and it sucks. She's everything to me, and I feel so sick of being in love to such an embarrasing extent. I'm pretty sure i'd be laughed at if people read this, but... I won't lie to myself. That's the last thing I'd ever do.

    That's why i get these attacks, because i seem to induce the illusion of being with her. I've glorified her existence so that i'm crazy about her and I believe adamantly that she's perfect in every single possible way. I know it isn't, and I'm aware that i'll meet several great girls in the future. Right now, i'm oblivious to any girl around me (albeit not sexually :)) because she's always in my head.

    and @ OP: I feel like I'm stealing attention in your thread, I sincerely apologise for that. I'm just trying to emphasise the fact that... oh well, whatever... the fact that love hurts badly, and it hurts even more if you induce it. Ah well, as some dude or chick once said: better to love and be hurt than never to love (something similar, I'm sure :))
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What kept me in bondage for about 2 years what the fact that I thought maybe deep down she does love me and is hiding it. One day I actually just realised and said it over and over again that she doesn't love me at ALL, those mean things she said to me were not out of love-hate, they were said because she is an out right bitch.

    In this case Matt, i know she does't and accept that, what i am saying is that i know how i feel, and i know i have to deal with it. Hard as it may be, because it sure as hell isn't going away.

    Just argh :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    edn1 wrote:
    In this case Matt, i know she does't and accept that, what i am saying is that i know how i feel, and i know i have to deal with it. Hard as it may be, because it sure as hell isn't going away.

    Just argh :(

    I know the feeling mate, all to well. I just want what im feeling to go away now but it doesnt seem to want to budge, drives me crazy!!

    Dunno if it will help for you, i did it a few days ago. Just write what your feeling down in a letter or something, i mean you don't have to send it or anything .. just sit down and write stuff down, might help in a way .. although you've kinda done it on here .. hmmm ok rubbish advice :p but yeah that kinda feeling sucks majorly!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes...

    Hahahahahhahahahahahaha....
    Hahahahahhahahahahahahahhaha
    HAHAHAHAHAHHA

    OMG! LOVE!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The only thing that helped me is socializing more.

    Don't send any letters, keep your self respect she'll only show it to her friends or boyfriend and giggle about it.

    Th thought had never entered my head, and had it i never would do it neither. BIG mistake.

    Goodfella i know what you mean. It's just all ... bah. There's no good going to come from this. I think i made a mistake in posting all this because, although i'm for all the input NOTHING will ever come of it.

    Every time i come back to post a reply, i have something i want to say, something more informative, what I'm really thinking and each time it keeps slipping my mind.

    I know the end result, honest to god i do. I accept the end result, because partly it's inevitable with me. I accept that i can't change thing's. But for the love of god what i'm feeling is real and of course i wish thing's were different. Of course i wish i could talk to her about it, wish she felt the same. Like i said though, a fantastic friend i have and i'm happy for and with that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The only thing that helped me is socializing more.

    Don't send any letters, keep your self respect she'll only show it to her friends or boyfriend and giggle about it.

    I very much doubt that, depends on the situation. As youve said your ex was a ex was a "bitch", not all girls are like that and i know the person who i sent a letter to would of kept it to themselves. I know it didnt go down to well with them, but i would prefer they knew everything then just think i was a miserable bastard.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sigh

    a big long sigh
Sign In or Register to comment.