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university and boyfriends

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
hi

wot does everybody thnk about going away to university and living on campus away from home wen u r in a relationship? can long distance relationships work? do you think that the relationship would last? would it be a good idea to go to the same university as ur other half? i odnt want to pick a uni just cus my b/f is going there. i want to make sure it is the right course for me.he doesnt think like this.

i am going out wiv my long term boyfriend and doing alevels.this term we hav to decide on where to go to university. i would like to live away from home and so would my boyfriend but i really dont think we will go to the same one. and even if we go to ones near each other i am unsure to wether our relationship would work and wether we wud miss out on university life.

i dont know wot to do? will it better to go to the same uni as my boyfriend or not? and if we cant get in the same place would a long distance relationship work?

reply please
lv warped
Since i was born i started to decay. Nuthin ever ever goes my way.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    can long distance relationships work?

    Thats a hard question to answer. Some do, some dont. I had a housemate at university who was trying to keep up her relationship with her bf..They broke up 3 months after she started uni. It all depends on you and your bf.
    i odnt want to pick a uni just cus my b/f is going there. i want to make sure it is the right course for me.he doesnt think like this.

    Make sure you do pick the uni thats right for you. Dont make do with a crappy uni just to stay with your bf. Does he expect you to go to his uni or is he willing to go to the uni you want to attend?
    i am unsure to wether our relationship would work and wether we wud miss out on university life.

    Well that all depends on you. I had the most fun of my life at uni as a single guy..After the first few months everyone in my house was single and we all had a great laugh going on. You will no doubt miss out on some things if you are in a serious relationship.

    It really depends on how much you love your current bf..If you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him then a long distance thing might work out fine. If you cant see him as a long term bf then you might wanna agree to split up.

    Hes gonna be having the time of his life at uni as well. I think the best thing you could do is to sit him down and discuss this with him.
    "An Englishman's never so natural as when he's holding his tongue." --Henry James
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why did they break up?
    Since i was born i started to decay. Nuthin ever ever goes my way.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well they had grown up in the same town, been going out for 3 years in school. She went to uni on the south coast, he went to uni in the midlands. For the first month or so he came down to visit her every weekend(which meant she hardly came out with us at all during that first month)..After the first month they didnt see each other as much and she was coming out a lot more and meeting a lot more people. He was doing the same up north and when we all went home for xmas she came back and said they agreed to break up.

    They just felt that it wasnt gonna work being so far apart. She got a boyfriend at the same uni about 6 months later.

    If you two can get to the same uni then that would be good but unless you know youre gonna spend years with this bloke then dont give up your choice of uni to go to his.

    Again its all down to you and how you feel about your bf. Its not something to take lightly so you really should talk to him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    do you think it would work if we went to different unis but in the same region eg nottingham or sheffield?cus there are a few unis quite close.

    did the fact that she hardly went out wiv u the first month annoy u? did it make u think less of her? did u not know her aswell as the others and do u think that was a bad thing? did that ruin the uni experiance for her the first few months do u think?

    sorry for all the questions. please reply.
    Since i was born i started to decay. Nuthin ever ever goes my way.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    do you think it would work if we went to different unis but in the same region eg nottingham or sheffield?cus there are a few unis quite close.

    I think that would help a lot. It would be a lot easier if you were just an hour or so apart. If thats what you planned then it would be much easier to stay together than if you were on other sides of the country.
    did the fact that she hardly went out wiv u the first month annoy u?

    It didnt annoy me, there were 7 of us in house so we were ok. It was a little disappointing not getting to know her earlier tho as she was a right laugh.
    did it make u think less of her?

    Definately not. It was obvious she really loved this guy so no one minded that she wanted to spend time with him instead of us.
    did u not know her aswell as the others and do u think that was a bad thing?

    Well we got to know her cos we did things during the week as well but we really went wild at the weekends so I think the people who went out at the weekend got closer. We were all friendly with her but we got on better with each other. Not sure that makes much sense.
    did that ruin the uni experiance for her the first few months do u think?

    Well she missed out on quite a bit at the start and then for the next couple of months she was real worried about the relationship. She definately made up for the partying she missed though. I dont think she regretted trying to get the relationship to work.

    Even thought she didnt come out at weekends, she still went out a lot. She wasnt stuck inside alone during the week or anything. She still came out with us a lot, justnot at weekends. Its not as though she was lonely and sitting in her room all the time.

    Having said all that, there were people who did have successful long distance relationships. I didnt know them well though so i dunno how they did it. It really is just down to you and how much you love your bf.

    The chances of it working are much higher if you are closer together tho.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I kept up a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for a year (we're still together now). I was studying abroad and it was quite hard not being able to see each other. But we phoned every day (yes, we had enormous bills) and he visited a few times. Anyway, it didn't put a strain on our relationship but then I never expected that. He would only get envious that I had such a good time while he had to work back home. I wouldn't have wanted to stay away longer than one year, though.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Read these!!!
    Its off... http://www.thesite.org/student/long_distance_love__its_off!.html

    Its on... http://www.thesite.org/student/long_distance_love__its_on!.html

    Susie <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well my brother and his ex managed to stay together through uni! They got together at 16 and he went to uni at 18-22. They were together the entitre time but he came home almost every weekend. Shewasn't at uni which may have helped. They were still together till 23 and he split with her so he could move away. She was so stuck to him but i know his misses her still (why else do you keep a photo???)
    Honestly it's up to you to make it work. i'm applying for uni this year but im resisting getting into a relationship so i can concentrate on getting in and also because i can't be arsed with the hassle of the uni thing. But good luck for you twooooo!!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its a hard decision to make one that will influence your life forever. In the end all that should matter is what you want to do. 3/4 of couples dont get through uni even if they are at the same one. Living away from home and going away to uni is one of the most important decisions you make it is a good experience to take part in and if you can do it do do it. If he loves you he will understand and stand by your decision. If it is meant to be it will work out. The decision is up to you no one else.Good luck.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the thing is if we went away to different unis he said he will come and visit me at weeekends ant stuff but when he is not there he said he doesnt want me to go out wiv friends to clubs and pubs etc. weve been together quite a while now and i would have thought he cud trust me by now but he obviously doesnt even though he says the oppisite. I dont know wot to do because i will not be stuck in my flat doing nothing untill he comes and visits. if i did this i will hav no friends and it will look antisocial.he said he would stay in whereever he is but i do not believe him. he seems to have one rule for me and another for him.wot a waste of money uni would be.

    what shall i do?
    Since i was born i started to decay. Nuthin ever ever goes my way.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Here is some advice from personnal and friends relationships. Personally,my last long distance relationship worked for about three months. A friend chose to live with her bf and still go to uni- split up in 8 weeks. Two others had bfs back at home and broke up during second term. One however, was going out with a guy at home, and she lasted all yearfairly happily with him, even though they each other quite rarely. But think that three years at least is a long time to be with someone, even if ur in the same town!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was in a long distance relationship for 3 years. I found that it went on longer than it should of because of the distance. For me it didn't work out. I was in another long distance relationship with a man who had to go to the military for 8 months. We broke up later on, but not because of the distance. Every relationship is different. I think you should go to the university that suits you best. If it is different than his, try to make it work. If it doen't, you know it wasn't meant to be. And you will be better off than if you went to the same university as him and you still broke up.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My advice is be optimistic and see how it goes - just because of the nasty statistics concerning uni and boyfriends/girlfriends doesn't mean your relationship will be one of them.
    When I go back to uni in a couple of weeks I will be in a similar situation - my boyfriend has just graduated and is starting a law course in London. However, we have had the summer to get used to the long distance thing as we've only saw each other 4 times (including Leeds fest! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">)since term ended. But so far it seems to be working and as you have said, there's always weekends.
    But DON'T become a social recluse just for your boyfriend - it's important to meet people and socialise too. He shouldn't take it as such a threat. Good luck!
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