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7 Year itch!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello,
Just wondered if anyone could help me out with a tricky situation.
Been with my OH for 7 years. He was the first person I slept with and we have a house together.
Recently, I have felt like ending the relationship at times. He drives me bonkers being very selfish and putting everyone before me. We argue but make up quite quickly. I get so stressed with the lack of affection he shows to me.
A few days ago I was out in the local with a few girlie friends. We had a right scream and I ended up chatting to a really good male friend of ours. He is 15 years older than me and married (but verging on Divorce). We left and went our separate ways home but I text him and we ended up meeting. He told me that he had liked me for ages and we ended up kissing (I like him too). He emailed me the morning after and told me that he really enjoyed it and asked if I wanted it again. Told him I did but thought it would hurt so many people.
The night after I spoke to him and told him I missed seeing him. We just chatted for a while and promised to not be funny around each other. Although initially I didn't want it to go any further, for the sake of others, now I can't stop thinking about him. I keep praying that he will email me but he hasn't been in touch (his wife is back from hol now). I am not sure if he has gone off the idea of any contact. I am even planning on going out again in a hope I bump into him and we have a repeat of last week.
What on earth do I do? I am not the type to have an affair for a fear of hurting my OH but I can't help thinking that with things the way they are, it might not be a bad thing to have some fun. My friends (who don't know what is going on) keep telling me that you are only young once! AARRGGHHH :crying:
Thanks for any advice!!!
Just wondered if anyone could help me out with a tricky situation.
Been with my OH for 7 years. He was the first person I slept with and we have a house together.
Recently, I have felt like ending the relationship at times. He drives me bonkers being very selfish and putting everyone before me. We argue but make up quite quickly. I get so stressed with the lack of affection he shows to me.
A few days ago I was out in the local with a few girlie friends. We had a right scream and I ended up chatting to a really good male friend of ours. He is 15 years older than me and married (but verging on Divorce). We left and went our separate ways home but I text him and we ended up meeting. He told me that he had liked me for ages and we ended up kissing (I like him too). He emailed me the morning after and told me that he really enjoyed it and asked if I wanted it again. Told him I did but thought it would hurt so many people.
The night after I spoke to him and told him I missed seeing him. We just chatted for a while and promised to not be funny around each other. Although initially I didn't want it to go any further, for the sake of others, now I can't stop thinking about him. I keep praying that he will email me but he hasn't been in touch (his wife is back from hol now). I am not sure if he has gone off the idea of any contact. I am even planning on going out again in a hope I bump into him and we have a repeat of last week.
What on earth do I do? I am not the type to have an affair for a fear of hurting my OH but I can't help thinking that with things the way they are, it might not be a bad thing to have some fun. My friends (who don't know what is going on) keep telling me that you are only young once! AARRGGHHH :crying:
Thanks for any advice!!!
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Comments
its the same in most relationships, the spark has gone, you dont feel loved blah blah BUT the grass isnt always greener on the other side!
i went thru this stage (after 3yrs tho,not 7 lol) and spoke to my mum, at the time, i was having thoughts about getting back with my ex because i was sooo bored of my fiance, but its like my mum said, after 3 years with my ex i`d probably feel bored too, its a fact of life, its never gonna be as good as it was! This guy is temping u because its new and exciting and he`s showing u attention....
saying that, if he is disrespecting you and you are THAT unhappy, leave the relationship an affair is NOT the solution, an affair isnt fair on anybody
maybe do a list of pros and cons for the relationship?
Will have a deep think about my situation but your words are good!
Hi there,
It sounds like you are going through a very stressful time with doubts about whether or not you should continue your relationship. It's true that seeking affection from another person is bound to fill a gap in the short-term, but in the long term it could leave you feeling guilty and unhappy. Also, the chances are you will still be left with the same issues you discuss above, but less able to confront them because your emotions will be divided.
There's a Q&A in our askTheSite archive called seven year itch, which might help you consider your feelings and a way forward.
I hope it helps. Take care
Thanks again!
If you're feeling neglected you will obviously have a roving eye, try and sort out the feelings of neglect and see if things improve.
Don't be afraid to go and end it if things really are that bad, but don't cheat and don't rush into it.
Work on the first, not the second; if things have changed now his wife is back he's not on the verge of a divorce, just a bit on the side. Sorry.
Not having a go, just saying, whatever you do, having an affair is just going to fuck everything up for you, for him, and for this other guy. Simple truth. You say your boyfriend isn't affectionate enough, but if that's the problem then surely by going to someone else it's never going to solve it.
Ask yourself, do you want to be in a relationship with your other half still? If not, call it a day. Good luck with whatever happens
It means that he wants to have sex with other people behind his wife's back, IME, but wants them to think that there is a chance of something more.
What you are going through isn't anytyhing new, or exclusive to your relationship. You need to be honest with your partner and tell him how you feel and you need to feel secure in his answers. If you don't, then you need to think about your own future. As Matt says, do you really want another seven years of this. If not then cut your losses now because it will only get harder to do so.
I totally agree.
You need to consider first whether you want to be with your current partner - if you break up with him, do it because you dont want to be with him, not because you have these exciting new feelings for someone else. 7 years is a lot to throw away for a crush.
Does your partner know how you are feeling about the relationship and that you are coming close to ending it? perhaps he is feeling the same about the change in the relationship and you could talk about working to improve things
the first?...
you cheated after all
Going to try and avoid the other bloke where possible. He has decided that he is going to make a go of his relationship with his wife and stop messing around (he has done this before with a friend of mine I found out). I just hope that I can put this bad phase behind me and move on!
Thanks again!
great you got sound advice that helped you.
It always makes me angry when the advice-giving and the adviced people behave like this.
- "help i'm fell down this pit!"
15 people say, "climb up again, you will be able to escape."
- "no, really I rather dig, I've been in pits before. I think digging helps!"
+ "Nooo!! you will only get deeper, look we put down a rope, hold on tight we pull you up!"
- "no, seriously guys, this pit is different, I am a pit expert, I am just asking for advice and don't listen to it, because it makes you angry."
+ "dude, you will get lost... we help you to come out of this pit!!"
- "Oh gosh... digging does not bring me anywhere... help!! im an trapped in the pit, It's dark and cold, help me... but I think I rather keep digging, one day I will escape there..."
+ *15 people pissing down the pit*
Did take me taking that little step further down the pit and lots of advice from my best friend (who I found out is going through exactly the same at the moment)!
Might even suggests she visits here for a little advice - she certainly needs it. Sometimes people have to be cruel to be kind!!!
Think before you act. and if you still want to have the affair then have the decency to break up with the BF first!!