Time to come out?/ Confused.

Former Member · November 2001

As some of you may or may not know, I'm pretty confused <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/confused.gif"> about my sexuality at the moment. Thing is i'm 18 now, and i sorta think my parents are waiting for me to bring a g/f home. I mean been with girls, but i also have feelings for guys.

I don't agree with the labelling of sxuality on people though and this is why i would find it hard to "come out" to my parents. But would they understand bi-sexuality? I think my mum would but my dad's of an entirely different generation that would still be quite shocked. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/eek.gif">

Also, i think i should be experimenting with men before i come out, but how do i go to Gay clubs or get into that scene without going out without fiends?

Cheers for any help. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/confused.gif">
Tourette <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/confused.gif">

"I must find a truth that is true for me......the idea for which I can live or die."(Soren Kierkegaard)

Former Member · November 2001

Hey, I don't have all the answers but a couple of useful articles for you here...and hopefully the users will come on with some first hand advice
http://www.thesite.org/relationships/lovelife/exploring_your_sexuality.html
http://www.thesite.org.uk/relationships/lovelife/coming_out_checklist.html
http://www.thesite.org.uk/relationships/lovelife/bisexuality_common_misconceptions.html
http://www.thesite.org/relationships/lovelife/the_wrong_label.html

Good Luck
Susie <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

Former Member · November 2001

I sadly dont have any idea, but its certainly nothing bad being bi-sexual. Hope you dont get any grief for it, maybe try talking to the Lesbian/Gay switchboard? (thinks that what its called...Karla?)

It matters not who won or lost, but how you place the blame.

Former Member · November 2001

London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard

Helpline for lesbians and gay men, offering support and information.
Helpline: 020 7837 7324

Former Member · November 2001

Hi tourette. I sympathise with you totally. The gay scene and coming out can be very intimidating. First of all, coming out. For fuck's sake, don't do what i did when i was 16. Me, mum and dad were all having this big fuck off row in the kitchen, about a bottle of tomato ketchup (always the way aint it) and i just shouted out "I'm queer, so stick it up your arse" and stormed off to me bedroom! Kids eh? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> I was really lucky, they were sort of ok with it. Mum wasn't happy that i was gay, be she accepted it. And dad just went and mowed the lawn (his form of stress busting). My advice to you. First of all it's YOUR choice if you tell or not. No one has a right to know. How many guyz/girlz sit their folks down and say "Mum, Dad, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, I'm straight." Not many. So it's your choice angel, there's no ruch. Like you say you may wanna play around more to find out what you really want from a sexual partner. To use the VERY old cliche it could just be a phase your going through. Thousands of guys do it, and it would be silly to tell the world your gay when you were just having fun.
When YOU decide YOU'RE ready to tell, i'd suggest you tell a close female friend or relative (sister/cousin) first. That way when you come to tell your parents it won't be the first time you've had to do it and you could have your friend there for some moral support. Whatever you decide and whatever sexuality you are, remember you're an amazing person and tons of people love and care for you, little me included. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

Problem number 2:The "gay scene". Without wishing to scare you off, there's loadsa peeps on the scene who'd stab u in the eye rather than look at you and wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. That being said there's tonsa guyz n girlz who are resl cool and v.nice to be with.Me included (again!) <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> You know Boots Bar in Wrentham Street? I used to work in there and being behind the bar of a gay club sure opens ya eyes. You wouldn't believe the shitty, catty, nasty and downright evil things queens can say. But, and remember this, you MUST rise above it, if it's said about you. Don't take it to heart or it'll start to get to you. Just say to yaself or a mate, he/she's a twat and move on. Why don't you go to a bar during the day. Missing and Angels are open in the day. Why not pop in with a friend and just have a quick drinky and look round. If you want to go out on the night Id suggest you go to Route 2, coz it's a young crowd. I don't like it coz the music is too mainstream and i like my hard house, coz i'm a pillhead! Or go to DV8, coz it's real friendly, all open planned and a real good night out. But go with a mate (guy or girl) and it'll be a lot of fun.
I hope this helps you angel. You can always contact me on this thread, or you're more than welcome to E-mail me. I live in Birmingham so i'm not too far away if things go bad and you need someone to talk to. And NO, it's not a chat upline, coz i got a boyf who i love to bits. But people DO care angel, they care a great deal. Know you've got a friend in rubberskin. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
Love and hugs and tons of support to you.
KevvyXxX

Former Member · November 2001

Allo again. Forgot to say that if you go to a club/bar look out for a free mag called Mdlands Zone. Tons of phone numbers for helplines, support, youth groups etc all in the West Midlands. O.K.? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

Former Member · November 2001

Hi me again.

Thanks for the support Rubberskin, you're a darling. Just when i thought all the nice people had left the board (where are you Charley & Clara? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">) you re-ignited my belief. Thanks!!! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">
I don't really know what to do. I mean. i need someone who i can trust and quite simply that person isn't around at the moment. I think i'll probably leave it until i get back from my gapyear, as i think it would be too difficult to simply declare i'm gay and then clear off for 6 months.
I'm gonna experiment, leave some time and then decide what to do.

Just thanks for being so undestanding.

Luv
Tourette

Former Member · November 2001

I was once in the same position as u. The best thing you could do is talk to some close friends and ask them if they would come along to a gay club with u. If they r true friends they wont mind. Or u could just try experimenting in a threesome that way you get a taste of both men and women and u'll also save some time(I highly recomend it!!!!)

Former Member · November 2001

No prob tourette. Any time you need me you know how to get hold of me. I think you're right. To go to ya folks and say"Hi, i'm gay. See you in six months" would be a bit daft. Keep ya pecker up, oo err!, and let us all know how it goes. KevvyXxX <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">

Former Member · November 2001

Originally posted by tourette:
Hi me again.

Thanks for the support Rubberskin, you're a darling. Just when i thought all the nice people had left the board (where are you Charley & Clara? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"> ) you re-ignited my belief. Thanks!!! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">
I don't really know what to do. I mean. i need someone who i can trust and quite simply that person isn't around at the moment. I think i'll probably leave it until i get back from my gapyear, as i think it would be too difficult to simply declare i'm gay and then clear off for 6 months.
I'm gonna experiment, leave some time and then decide what to do.

Just thanks for being so undestanding.

Luv
Tourette

I'M HERE!!!! Nooo I hadn't gone anywhere much, just posting a little less because of coursework and my millions of other stupid problems...
But as again, I can't give much more advice than Kevvy because he's pretty much said it all (nice one Kev), but what I will say is you have my email so you know where I am ok?

Take care xxx

Former Member · November 2001

You don't need to be goin with guys b4 u tell anyone, but if u want to experiment a little, then how about going to a straight friendly gay bar with some female, or brave male mates? i'm sure u can find someone who wouldn't mind, i've been to loads. But try introducing the idea of bisexuality to ure parents b4 telling them, maybe by discussing something on tv, or that u've read, or a friend of a friend type thing, then u'll know how they're likely to react.

Devon
The earth is made of dirt and wood, and I'd be water if I could

Time to come out?/ Confused.

Comments