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Best Thing To Do After Arguing?
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
Had a bit of an argument with a friend of mine last night. Basically, I haven't really talked to him that much over the last few weeks due to both of us being busy and him deciding that he'd rather play chess than talk to me.
Anyway, he signed into MSN last night and I asked him for some music. He gave me 3 songs and I asked him if that was it (I was sure I asked for more) and he said there was one more, but I'm going to have to until he's finished playing chess. I told him that I was going soon so wouldn't probably be around when he's finished. A few minutes later, he decided to give me what I wanted.
I then asked him something then he moaned at me because he was playing chess and didn't want me to interrupt him (we've been through this before - I do keep on telling him that if he's busy then he needs to change his status)
So anyway, I asked him if he was going to be on MSN on Sunday and he told me no. I then asked if he was going to be around on Tuesday or would I have to wait ages to get something off him. He replied with 'if you have to wait it's tough. I don't understand why you don't get it off someone else'.
He then implied that if I wasn't careful he wouldn't be talking to me for much longer, then told me that I was annoying him (I think I asked him something and he didn't respond) and then asked if I had any homework to do - I think he was trying to tell me that he didn't want to talk to me, but was trying not to be rude.
I have afeeling later this evening, he's going to try to talk to me and mention what happened last night - he always does this after we argue, which makes everything worse.
Now, I think I have 2 options:
- Block him
- Talk to him, but ignore him if he mentions last night
So what do I do? I'm tempted to block him, but I have a feeling that he's just going to ask questions when we next talk.
Anyway, he signed into MSN last night and I asked him for some music. He gave me 3 songs and I asked him if that was it (I was sure I asked for more) and he said there was one more, but I'm going to have to until he's finished playing chess. I told him that I was going soon so wouldn't probably be around when he's finished. A few minutes later, he decided to give me what I wanted.
I then asked him something then he moaned at me because he was playing chess and didn't want me to interrupt him (we've been through this before - I do keep on telling him that if he's busy then he needs to change his status)
So anyway, I asked him if he was going to be on MSN on Sunday and he told me no. I then asked if he was going to be around on Tuesday or would I have to wait ages to get something off him. He replied with 'if you have to wait it's tough. I don't understand why you don't get it off someone else'.
He then implied that if I wasn't careful he wouldn't be talking to me for much longer, then told me that I was annoying him (I think I asked him something and he didn't respond) and then asked if I had any homework to do - I think he was trying to tell me that he didn't want to talk to me, but was trying not to be rude.
I have afeeling later this evening, he's going to try to talk to me and mention what happened last night - he always does this after we argue, which makes everything worse.
Now, I think I have 2 options:
- Block him
- Talk to him, but ignore him if he mentions last night
So what do I do? I'm tempted to block him, but I have a feeling that he's just going to ask questions when we next talk.
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
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Comments
I'm a little confused, truth be told. :P
The issue here is that, he nevers seems to want to talk to and pays me very little attention and it's really getting to me now.
Interesting thought. The thing is, he only ever starts the conversation whenever he wants to tell me that he has his radio station up and wants me to listen to it (which is rare now) or if I've said something like 'it's too late now; would it be alright for you to give it to me when you're next online?' (he sometimes says something similar as well)
I find that online, if conversations become very one sided that it's best to just let them die. Sometimes when I'm online I'm there but I'm doing something and just don't feel like chatting or simply don't have the time for it. It doesn't mean I don't like the person or that it's personal.
If a talking to somebody online makes you frustrated more often than it doesn't, it's often best to cut down. A lot. I blocked a chap in early August because he was *always* trying to talk to me and *always* said stupid stuff that pissed me off and made me think he was stupid. Not a bad bloke per se but this just wasn't doing anything for me. I don't feel I've lost anything.
If he tries to talk about the argument, just tell him that it's over and to let it stay in the past. If he's pissing you off at any point just stop talking to him until you've calmed down. You don't owe him anything.
For various reasons, we've had to cut down quite alot on the amount of time we spend talking to each other. However, we now argue more now than we did when we spent almost every evening chatting to each other.
Thanks. This does seem like a good plan and I was thinking about doing this, but was interested to see what others thought.
Woooooooowwww.
/edit: oh, ok. it wasn't about that.
Well, I can't see why you make such a fuss about it. If I don't want to be interrupted I just don't answer the msn or icq, regardless of which status I have active. there isn't any kind of internet-police arresting me, for not responding, even tho it seems I am "available".
If I talk to someone and he is a bit annoyed, because he has an interesting chess party going on and he is concentrating, I stop bothering him and tell him to talk me up/phone me, when he's done, or smth.
Do you have feelings for this friend or anything? Just leave him be, if he is playing chess. And if you can't see if because of his status, he will probably tell you anyway and THEN just stop spamming him.
People need to stop to make a mountain out of an mole hill. If someone was bugging me, when I am really busy, I just don't respond or tell them that I am busy (I actually did today!). If someone insists that I send him/her a song or something and I am not in the mood right now he/her has to wait for it.
People are complicated.
/e#2: actually it might be something in he british drinking water. When I was having lunch on day and this british lady came online, she said "hi" - naturally.
When I came back from lunch I had a few lines like, "are you there?" , "oh i see, you are ignoring me now, right?" , "you know what you are silly babble babble babble."
WHAT THE CRAP.
I agree with this. However, this is obviously bothering you quite a bit so if he starts to ask weird questions about what happened I would tell him straight. I think he needs his space but he is not being a good friend. Only starting conversations for his benefit and not to ask how you are or take any interest in your life is a load of selfish crap and you don't need that.
:rolleyes:
The thing though, he then went on to play another one without telling me then had a go at me for interrupting him...
What's that got to do with anything?
Asking him a question is hardly spamming him, is it?:rolleyes:
Yeah, but do you honestly make someone wait a week (sometimes more) just for one song?
But did you actually change your status? He has a habit of not doing this. Also, if I change my status, he STILL tries talking to me. (whether I've told him or not that I'm about to do something)
That, I understand completely. I mean if you just forget to change your status it's no big deal, you're not there. I don't get why people can't just accept the most likely reason for not talking to them is because you're not there. And more to the poin, leaving a load of vitriol for you to come back to is only going to piss you off.
But is it any less annoying to have people get annoyed at you because of something as insignificant as an online status?? I forget to change my status all the time, and if people can't deal with that they deserve all the frustration they bring onto themselves.
Seriously, if there's something important people can call me. If their only way of contacting me is through MSN that pretty much indicates that they're not my number 1 priority.
And half the time, the same people try to contact me even if my status IS away and even then throw a fit. :rolleyes:
If I contact somebody and they don't answer, I just assume that they're not there irregardless of their status. If I've got something to say, I just write it and leave it for them to see when they return and move on to do something else. Simple as!
I've got my msn on "away" all the time cos I only use it at work so I'm in and out constantly and don't have time to faff about changing status everytime someone comes into my office and asks me to do some work. Also if my boss sees it open it clearly says I'm away n not available to chat in working hours
Although if they had their status as online, but were actually away, then I'm not gonna hold it against them or get pissed off.
Life really isn't as complicate as people make it out to be.
Is it really that big a deal?
What I don't get is if at sometime I send a message to someone and 3 hours later get a reply "Sorry, I was out for a drink". (exaggeration)
My priorities when I'm going out is that I look alright and I've got my keys and my phone and my money.
Not making sure I don't upset my internet buddies by forgetting to go on Away or whatever else.
Do people really get offended at stuff like this?
1 Try it another time. If I see someone is learning or is occupied I usually try it another time.
2) because you are constanlty bugging him with some kind of issues, I can emphatize with him for loosing his cools. I feel a need to talk to people I am infatuated with, but I don't feel forced to talk to a mere friend if he's busy. I just talk him up another day, while I will try it later again with person-of-interest (since I am thinking about her)
3) you did not ask him one question: you asked for music, you got it, and you have been TOLD that he is occupied with a chess game. Then you asked him something about which he moaned. Then you asked him something about if he's going to be online on sunday. THIS MAN IS BUSY AND HE LET YOU KNOW! Oh, better ask if he's online on tuesday.... Jesus christ.
That's the equivalent of "Oh hello joe, hows things?" - "could you talk more quietly I have a painful ear infection." - "REALLY?? WOW!!! JOE, HOW COME..." - "shhh!" - "WHAT??? I CAN'T HEAR YOU WHEN YOU WHISPER SO SILENTLY JOE!".
The man told you what's up: I am busy, I am playing chess. Maybe not in the most polite tone ever formed by human vocal cords, but I think he pretty much got the message over: I don't want to be bothered.
4) Send him an email, "hey Joe, right when you get this mail, please email me the song I have been waiting so long, you know by John Chess - I am busy!
After asking him for the songs he gave them to you anyway. So if it's that what you wanted, everythings fine, no?
5) I talk to people regardless to their status, because they usually SOMETIMES come back to there computer (opposed to dying and never seeing the screen again), and will read the message I left them.
I don't care about statii (plural of status?), I am always away or N/A because I have a wit, a idiom, a thought-provoking aphorism in there, or anything, even if I am right in front of the computer.
Either people leave me messages and will realize I actually AM here and respond to them, or they will realize I am not here, or I just don't bother replying and do it later.
:rolleyes: @ you!
We don't actually talk that much. If we talk a few nights a week, it's only for an hour or so.
Don't have email on this PC. And he never responds anyway unless I ask him for help of some sort.
:rolleyes: @ you