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How do you make/keep friends?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I have just moved away from home to University and I know nobody. I thought I would find it hard to make friends, but I have found that it is really hard!

I have spoken to a lot of people, and we had reaosnably good conversations, but then tonight, most of the people staying where I am have gone out for the night, and i am stuck in.

I don't want to go through my whole University career alone - does anyone have tips on how to keep and make new friends?

Thanks

John Lantock

ME = :crying:

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why are you "stuck in" tonight? Didn't you want to go out? I'd say that'd have been a good start!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thats not what I meant. I meant i am not going out becuase I have nobody to go out with.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well why don't you advance the conversations you've had with people into casual invitations to go for coffee, or a pint? Is the issue actually meeting people, or having the confidence to forge links with the people you do/have met?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bit of both I suppose... I'm generally a very shy person, and for the past 15 years I haven't really had to make friends. I just had them.

    I suppose meeting people isn't that hard, but moving into a friendship is what i find hard.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You could make friends with people on your course? After doing so, they may introduce you to their friends.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the majority of people don't know anyone when they first get to uni so they will all be wanting to make friends. its really important to be proactive so at your halls make sure you talk to the people in the rooms next to yours, in the kitchen/canteen. ask them what they are doing later or if anyone is going out. hang out in the common room and say hello to people and ask them where they're from etc. make plans with people. when making friends from your course ask for people's phone number - it won't seem weird because everyone does it. make sure you say 'see you at the next lecture' and then next time look out for them and go sit with them.

    good luck :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    "Greetings, my name is latock one and I am the guy that stares are you and make you awkward all the time and gets to know your whole daily routine. Wanna be friends?"

    will do the trick if they understand the funny.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why not go out with the people you were talking to? First years are always particularly friendly 'coz they're worried about the social side of things and generally make a big effort - so there ain't a need to a worry. Be friendly and reciprocate it from others, you won't have a problem.

    Oh yeah, and remember - not only are intoxicants your friend, but they'll help you make them.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had the same problem. I knew NOONE at uni, and I missed a lecture once and asked some random guy if he could copy me his handwriting. Next day I wasn't sure "umm, shall I greet him this morning?"

    when I got to my seatings I heard a "hey there..." behind me, and I knew it was all cool.

    Just take all your courage together and talk to someone, nobody is going to tear your head off, since like lipsy said: Hardly anyone has friends there and are actually HAPPY if you approach them and make convo.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, you have to be pro-active about it, just take a deep breath and start chatting random shit with people.

    There was one guy in my flat who was quieter than everybody else and didn't really come out of his shell till a couple of months before the end, and he totally regrets it to this day.

    It is scary in first year when you don't know anyone or don't know who you're gonna be living with, but if you just take a deep breath and enjoy yourself, then you'll have the absolute time of your life :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    http://vbulletin.thesite.org.uk/showthread.php?t=105622

    simple as that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You in halls?

    Go and bang on some doors til you find a couple of people who will be sitting in their rooms just like you are.

    Go to the common room/bar/whatever you've got, kitchen even and see who's there. If you chat to enough randomers you'll find some who grow to be friends.

    For now near is good, hunt down those near you and go to places like freshers fayre together.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah but if he's not feeling brave, he won't really wanna go out to those places on his own- although I often have, 'specially the medicine bar.

    How come you don't have anyone to go with? Do you work/study? Perhaps you could invite one of them out for a drink, or ask them for suggestions of where to go and which night' best? followed by "that sounds good", what you doin next (whatever day they said was best) and "fancy showing me the place?"

    ETA: if you are in halls, a good way to get a seat with a group of people who look like they're having fun is to take over a sharable bottle of something, or a bag of sweets/lollies if you don't really drink alchohol... you'd get a seat and a convo next to me for a shot of vodka and a handfull of dolly mix anyway.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You've probably only ben there a few days!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    give it time, it will come. Just be yourself and soon you will become part of a crowd x
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