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Old before my time
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I love my fella to bits, but.... well I dont know, I feel old, im nearly 21 and I feel like I'm 41. We never go out - only to a little working mans pub thing. I just feel old and boring and I wanna go out and do things. I feel old against people my own age, there goin out clubbin, goin on holidays abroad and what am I doin?? Jack shit. getting a foot on the property ladder, being sensible and stupid.
I seen my ex today, and it made me think more, he was going down town, having fun - being young. Were as I'm staying in, fella at work and sat on internet. I have a mortgage - me and my fella, and I think I'm too young to do this stuff. I do love him, but I felt so jealous of my ex going out, I just thought 'that could of been me if I stayed with him'. My fella is older than me, it wasnt a problem when we 1st got together, my ex is same age as me. I wanna go out clubbin, go out with mates from work but I'm skint all the time!!:(
I spoke to my mate the other day aboyt it and she said if I am this unhappy then I should end it, but I do love him. If I eneded it I know I would just want him back, looks like I'll have to be old before my time.
I seen my ex today, and it made me think more, he was going down town, having fun - being young. Were as I'm staying in, fella at work and sat on internet. I have a mortgage - me and my fella, and I think I'm too young to do this stuff. I do love him, but I felt so jealous of my ex going out, I just thought 'that could of been me if I stayed with him'. My fella is older than me, it wasnt a problem when we 1st got together, my ex is same age as me. I wanna go out clubbin, go out with mates from work but I'm skint all the time!!:(
I spoke to my mate the other day aboyt it and she said if I am this unhappy then I should end it, but I do love him. If I eneded it I know I would just want him back, looks like I'll have to be old before my time.
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What bores you about your current situation? Do you still make time for each other, do you still make time for friends? Why do you think that being young is all about going out clubbing and pissing £80 up the wall on drink? Do you think that you would stop being bored if you could go and wazz £80 away on beer?
I know where you're coming from, I go out with people from work and I hate having to go home after a few drinks because I can't afford to drink in the bars that they like to drink in. But at the same time I stop and think about what I have, compared to what they have. Would I rather go out and get pissed and live in the same bedroom I've been in since I was 3, and have to ask mummy and daddy if I can bring a girl round, or would I rather have a wife and a house of my own and think a bottle of £3 Asda vin de plonk a treat.
Why can't you do both? Set aside some spending money, and go out once a month and blow it on a really good night. That's what we do. £60 each for the month, ours to do what we want with it.
Why are you unhappy? Is it the money, or is it the relationship? If its the money the stick with it, but if you don't like or love your bf anymore, you need to work out where your priorities lie. And if you're gonna end up hating your bf because you can't always do what you want, then you really need to consider what you want from life.
If the sex and the social life is boring, do something about it. If you budget you don't have to sit and home and mope. Get some nice knickers and have a weekend of shagging on the sofa and in the garden. Save a bit of pocket money and go and get fucked with work on payday.
It's strange how people always envy what they don't have. I'd love to be able to afford to go out and party, and my colleagues would love to have a house and a wife and a cat.
i certainly don't think ending it is the solution, you need to just work at it.
have you tried talking to your fella?
"What bores you about your current situation?" everything. Its simple things like texts, when we 1st got together he used to text me, saying sweet stuff now its 'were are you' 'do a shop at tesco'. I know things will be abit boring - we have been together 3 years but I loved the eximent when you 1st get together with someone, meeting them with butterflies in your stomach. When we was in the 'honeymoon period' he booked a surprise holiday, a hotel away one night and thats what I love. I do love him, but I think we want different things. But I do want to settle down, half of me says go out, have fun, but then I look at him and the other half says stay with him, he's decent and you have a lovely house. Arrrrrghhhhhh I dont know!:banghead:
I do feel guilty though, I did say 'yeah' buy that houe, I'll help with the mortgage and stuff and now I dont want to. The thing is I have never gone out clubbing alot when I was younger, and I think I want to make up for it now.... if you get me?! Dont get me wrong I did go out clubbin and stuff, but not much. My fella doesnt like clubbin - he's a pub man. :impissed: I need new mates - my oldest and best mate is pregnant with her 2cnd kid, other mate is pregnant. Most of the girls at work are in a relationship and dont like goin out without their partners, and the other girls are hardcore clubbers!! :banghead:
I wont be dumping him, I do love him. I have talked to him, he said we will do stuff, buys me tix to a gig and he thinks thats it, and I dont want to upset his feelings - he is quite boring.
Yup! so true. The "hardcore clubbers" a my work are like 'stop moaning, least you have a fella and a house and not living at parents'
It worries me that you think he's boring. It's normal to not always share the same interests, but if you think everything he's in to is boring then that does concern me. I'm not a big clubber and my wife isn't a big clubber, so we're OK about it really, but we have different interests on some things and we enjoy them separately. Being honest it also helps that GWST got the clubbing out of her system when she was 17, and it simply doesn't interest her anymore.
When you live together it is very easy to fall into a rut and end up doing the same old things, and it can be very hard to get out of it, especially if you both work hard and are tired out when you get home. Fun and sex are the first things to go if you're really not careful.
Are you really bored of him, and what he does, or are you just bored of the same old same old? With work its hard to plan surprises, and its hard to feel up to going out after a long day at work, so force him to take a week off work, you do the same, and spend a week of you time. Go to a new city every night, eat in a different restaurant every night, go and have a beer in a different pub. If money's tight, just spend the week in bed.
I'm sure you know that the honeymoon doesn't last without effort, its easy to get bored of having no money and its easy to think that the opposite lifestyle to yours would cure the boredom. I think all you need is to both of you have a talk about what is making you feel like you're in a rut, and then both of you make a determined effort to do something about it.
Sorry to hear you a feeling old before your time. It's not something that has to happen to you though. Being in a committed relationship doesn't mean that all your fun is over.
It's important that you try and do things that make you happy and make you feel alive again. You obviously love your boyfriend but you just seem to have different ways of enjoying yourselves. You are two individual people and it's inevitable that there are going to be things that you enjoy doing that your boyfriend doesn't enjoy and things that your boyfriend enjoys doing that you don't enjoy.
If you are sure that you are in love with him and you want to make the relationship work then you need to try and get on top of this issue. If you don't, you may become bitter and this bitterness could get directed towards your boyfriend.
It's sweet that he's trying to make the effort but you do need to talk to him about this. Although you are worrying about hurting his feelings, you will hurt them more if you carry on as you are. You need to be happy too and it's unlikely that he would want you to be feeling as miserable as you are. If this is left to simmer, it may eventually boil over.
Maybe you could save up for the occasional night out with your clubbing friends? If your boyfriend realises that you need to do this to make yourself feel young and alive again then I'm sure he would understand. Perhaps there are other activities that you two could do together that you would both find exciting. Again, it might be worth saving up for a little break together. You could have fun planning and booking it and it's amazing how cheap flights are, particularly with the Autumn / Winter coming.
Although this may not be a problem for you, you may want to make things more exciting at home. Take a look at this link about shaking up your sex life. Being in doesn't involve spending any money and if you're paying out for a house why not make the most of it? With the freedom you have there, you can get up to all sorts of things without having the worry of other people.
I hope it all works out for you. Like you say, you are young, and you don't want this to carry on. It's no good burying your own happiness. If you feel like this now, how will you feel in 10 / 15 years time? You may regret having not done those things that every young person wants to do. It's not wrong that you feel this way, far from it. It's only natural that you want to have fun. I really hope you can make the changes work and you can feel your age again.
you dont seem to want to break up with him; just to add more excitement to your relationship. You sound lke i did a few months ago, but we've got out it slowly, but surely. Try setting a night apart once a month, where you can go for a nice meal togther. get out of the house! talk to him about the romance and the spontaneity (sp?).
Also, comprimise. OK, so you think going the pub is boring+he doesnt like clubs alot, so maybe one night go to the pub for a bit, maybe have a meal there, and then go onto a club for abit! even if he hates it+drags you away early, really show your appreciation for him trying it out!