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I'm being stupid and paranoid again. arent I?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok I'm sure anyone's who's read my other threads are sick to death of me and my whiney ways, but if anyone can give me advice that'd be great.
If you've read my other post (probably on the second page now) you'll know I've just started seeing this guy. We've known each other as friends for about a month, but finally got together about 12 days ago.
I wouldn't normally go back to a guy's house so soon, but we did - although we didn't sleep together or anything, just chatted - and I ended up staying at his house until yesterday! We'd just do normal stuff when we weren't working, like go and see his mates or his mum, go shopping or for a walk...boring coupley stuff really! Lol. But it was cool, and I felt totally comfortable with it all. He kept saying he 'loved being with me', but then we went out with his friends on Sunday. We both got drunk (him slightly more so than me). At one point he suddenly asked me to go home and said he'd be half an hour, and while I was a bit put-out by it, I went anyway. I didn't know the way back to his so one of his friends walked me home. Phil didn't seem to mind.
When we got back, his friend stayed with me, sitting on the sofa and saying it was out of order for Phil to send me home like that. I kept telling him to go back to Phil but he wouldn't leave me. Then Phil phoned me (although I didnt hear it until the last minute as my mobile was on vibrate), left a drunken message asking if I was doing anything with his mate and that he'd be home in 20 seconds. When Phil got in, he went mad - shouting at me and his mate, going upstairs and packing my stuff up and telling me to get out, wasn't good. His friend eventually calmed him down and we went back out again (everything seemed fine, he was in a good mood again, although one of his friends did say that Phil's not normally possessive or jealoous, which got me wondering why he's like it with me! I know I flirt but still...).
When we got home he seemed ok and was saying I was good for him, etc...then we went out to the shop and by the time we'd got back (only about 5 mins!), he's gone all arsey again!
He was convinced I'd slept with his friend in the time we were alone together, and by that time he was pretty much sober so he must have meant what he was saying. He said some awful stuff, like he didnt care if I liked him or loved him, he really used to like me - what he felt for me was the strongest he's ever felt about anyone, but he couldnt forgive me - and at the end he said he hated me. It got pretty heated so eventually I went to bed, with him saying it was over and he wanted me out thr next morning.
He had to work early on monday (5am), so before he left he asked if I'd be there when he got home. I said I didnt know, and he texted a couple of hours later saying he wouldnt mind if I stayed but to do what I wanted.
He sent a few more texts, asking me to meet him - so I did - and when he had his break at work we went for a walk around town. He apologised and said he'd over reacted but asked me to see it from his point of view, and said he didn't want to finish with me. He was really affectionate and kept holding my hand and kissing me more than usual (he's older than me so usually he's really paranoid about the age difference).
Anyway it seemed fine and it was ok all yesterday - except he didn't really give me many signs that he liked me in the evening...from being really touchy-feely during his break and saying he loved me, in the evening he kissed me once (just a peck on the lips, normally he kisses me more) and fell asleep at 7pm, although to be fair he'd been up since 4am.
He occasionally texts a woman called Wendy who's in her 40s, and he's shown me her texts and been honest about her from the start - she'll text him something like "hi sexy" and he'll show it straight to me...he says he's not interested in her, and I believed him until this morning. She phoned him at am when we were still in bed, and they sounded really close on the phone. He stayed in bed with me and knew I was awake, so it's not like he was being secretive, but it still made me feel a bit weird. He met her for a coffee at 9am because apparently her stepdad died last week, and she's upset about it. He tofld me he was going and said he'sd "mention me" to her, and he texted me 10mins after he'd left saying he'd finished his drink with wendy and was on his way home.
I still felt weird though, but was trying to hide it cos I dont want him to feel like I dont trust him - he realised what was up though and said there's no reason to worry as he loved being with me.
I won't see him until friday now, and I know he's not going to sleep with wendy or anything, but he just feels a bit...distant. I'm not sure if I'm being paranoid, or maybe its because of the stuff he said on sunday - we've argued on a sunday for 2 weeks in a row after he's been drinking, and he's said the same sort of thing both times - that I'm too young for him and he loves me but he's happier alone. The next day he's changed his mind.
This post probably doesn't make much sense - it's a bit jumbled so sorry!
But do you think I'm being paranoid, or do I have reason to worry?
If you need anymore info just ask.
If you've read my other post (probably on the second page now) you'll know I've just started seeing this guy. We've known each other as friends for about a month, but finally got together about 12 days ago.
I wouldn't normally go back to a guy's house so soon, but we did - although we didn't sleep together or anything, just chatted - and I ended up staying at his house until yesterday! We'd just do normal stuff when we weren't working, like go and see his mates or his mum, go shopping or for a walk...boring coupley stuff really! Lol. But it was cool, and I felt totally comfortable with it all. He kept saying he 'loved being with me', but then we went out with his friends on Sunday. We both got drunk (him slightly more so than me). At one point he suddenly asked me to go home and said he'd be half an hour, and while I was a bit put-out by it, I went anyway. I didn't know the way back to his so one of his friends walked me home. Phil didn't seem to mind.
When we got back, his friend stayed with me, sitting on the sofa and saying it was out of order for Phil to send me home like that. I kept telling him to go back to Phil but he wouldn't leave me. Then Phil phoned me (although I didnt hear it until the last minute as my mobile was on vibrate), left a drunken message asking if I was doing anything with his mate and that he'd be home in 20 seconds. When Phil got in, he went mad - shouting at me and his mate, going upstairs and packing my stuff up and telling me to get out, wasn't good. His friend eventually calmed him down and we went back out again (everything seemed fine, he was in a good mood again, although one of his friends did say that Phil's not normally possessive or jealoous, which got me wondering why he's like it with me! I know I flirt but still...).
When we got home he seemed ok and was saying I was good for him, etc...then we went out to the shop and by the time we'd got back (only about 5 mins!), he's gone all arsey again!
He was convinced I'd slept with his friend in the time we were alone together, and by that time he was pretty much sober so he must have meant what he was saying. He said some awful stuff, like he didnt care if I liked him or loved him, he really used to like me - what he felt for me was the strongest he's ever felt about anyone, but he couldnt forgive me - and at the end he said he hated me. It got pretty heated so eventually I went to bed, with him saying it was over and he wanted me out thr next morning.
He had to work early on monday (5am), so before he left he asked if I'd be there when he got home. I said I didnt know, and he texted a couple of hours later saying he wouldnt mind if I stayed but to do what I wanted.
He sent a few more texts, asking me to meet him - so I did - and when he had his break at work we went for a walk around town. He apologised and said he'd over reacted but asked me to see it from his point of view, and said he didn't want to finish with me. He was really affectionate and kept holding my hand and kissing me more than usual (he's older than me so usually he's really paranoid about the age difference).
Anyway it seemed fine and it was ok all yesterday - except he didn't really give me many signs that he liked me in the evening...from being really touchy-feely during his break and saying he loved me, in the evening he kissed me once (just a peck on the lips, normally he kisses me more) and fell asleep at 7pm, although to be fair he'd been up since 4am.
He occasionally texts a woman called Wendy who's in her 40s, and he's shown me her texts and been honest about her from the start - she'll text him something like "hi sexy" and he'll show it straight to me...he says he's not interested in her, and I believed him until this morning. She phoned him at am when we were still in bed, and they sounded really close on the phone. He stayed in bed with me and knew I was awake, so it's not like he was being secretive, but it still made me feel a bit weird. He met her for a coffee at 9am because apparently her stepdad died last week, and she's upset about it. He tofld me he was going and said he'sd "mention me" to her, and he texted me 10mins after he'd left saying he'd finished his drink with wendy and was on his way home.
I still felt weird though, but was trying to hide it cos I dont want him to feel like I dont trust him - he realised what was up though and said there's no reason to worry as he loved being with me.
I won't see him until friday now, and I know he's not going to sleep with wendy or anything, but he just feels a bit...distant. I'm not sure if I'm being paranoid, or maybe its because of the stuff he said on sunday - we've argued on a sunday for 2 weeks in a row after he's been drinking, and he's said the same sort of thing both times - that I'm too young for him and he loves me but he's happier alone. The next day he's changed his mind.
This post probably doesn't make much sense - it's a bit jumbled so sorry!
But do you think I'm being paranoid, or do I have reason to worry?
If you need anymore info just ask.
0
Comments
it also seems like he has some issues about the age difference. has he been single for a long time? he might be stuck in his ways. or he might be "better off alone" because he doesn't want the commitment. him getting arsey and arguing with you everytime he has a drink is not a good sign.
i know its sometimes easy to do, but don't start making excuses for his behaviour or feel it might be your fault. (e.g. when you said you can be flirty or aren't that affectionate).
The first sunday he got drunk and argumentative, he couldnt remember what he'd said because he was VERY drunk. And I'm not making excuses, but when I drink I do get very touchy feely - I wouldnt flirt with his friends if it wasn't 'safe' (as in if they were interested in me; I know they're not so the flirting doesn't mean anything), but one of them will put his arm round me/rub my back and I'll play along and sometimes even rub his leg. I also had my feet kind of in between another of his mates' legs on sunday - he was sitting on the chair opposite mine and I had my feet on the chair. Not right between his legs, but Phil didn't like it and I can see how it seemed like I might have been flirtiung or something.
The other thing that pissed me off slightly was that when I told him about texting my friend Chris (who I've known for 10 years, but he lives at the opposite end of the country to me) and how we can talk about anything, Phil got jealous and said something along the lines of how I might go off with someone younger. He says that quite a lot so I think that could be the root cause of the problem. I'm paranoid about it too in a way (he could find someone his own age), but I'm trying to put it to the back of my mind.
I'm going to talk to him about the wendy thing and explain my feelings, but I wanted to make sure I'm not over reacting before I did it! Also not sure whether to phone/text him tonight or wait until I see him on friday to bring it up.
i think you should speak to him face to face and discuss whatever is bothering you. also you should try to put rest to his fears that you wil go off with a younger man. it might also be better to spend less time with each other because it sounds like its all getting too intense too quickly.
Hang on one sec, i used to be quite paranoid about other peoples actions, but you have to give them the benifit of the doubt, there are a million and 1 reasons why he asked you to go, none that bad. Never think the worst in people, most arnt that bad
Me too! WHY did he do that? Very strange imo, I'm surprised you agreed to go in all honesty.
I don't think I can even begin to think about the rest of what you've written until I know why [you think] he did that? :eek2:
Gather your thoughts and talk this out with him on Friday.
Just texted him and said we need to talk and asked if he wants me to phone him later or leave it until friday, and he replied saying "it can't be that serious can it?". Hmm. Not sure how to take that.
Lipsy - totally with you on the flirting with his mates thing, I know it was wrong of me and I can see why he got weird about it, especially when I went home with him! But I can be a bit naive sometimes, especially when I'm drunk (not that its an excuse) and I genuinely didn't think :rolleyes:
No idea why he sent me home, other than it was too much for him to see me with his mate's arm wrapped around me! I went because I felt kind of embarrassed and upset about him asking me to leave (he didnt do it in front of anyone, he asked me quietly when we were walking down the road together) and didn't want to make a scene.
Out of interest, what are the reasons? I can't think of any decent ones, apart from the one I mentioned in my last post.
it sounds like you was over flirting and he got jealous which is understandable. just have a chat with him about it, i'm sure it will all be fine
n.b. never tell a guy "we need to talk"! lol they don't usually take it too well.
I did try not to word it like a "we need to talk" type of thing...probably didn't work though!
To be fair to him, he was always honest about Wendy - that they almost slept together but it never happened, now they're just friends. And he does tell me and show me pretty much every text he gets (I keep telling him he doesn't need to keep announcing who's texting him!), but then he could be selectively deleting some texts... he has also said that he'd tell me if anything happened with anyone else (and asked if I'd do the same...I said no and he looked really upset! whoops). Oh, and he said I can go back round to his anytime, so thinking about it I'm sure he's being honest with me.
I go back to my original statement; I'm being stupid and paranoid aren't I!:rolleyes:
Agreed.
I'd say it's a good idea not to see him till Friday, from memory of reading your other posts it's been a bit of a whirlwind thing? I think with that kind of thing you can either have the most amazing time together and everything is just wicked, or resentment starts building becasue you've been spending too much time together.
It does sound like you need a really good chat with him (not when he's been drinking) and maybe just slow things down a bit and maybe get to know each other better, as in what makes the other tick etc.
A lot of girls would have given him the big fuck off the minute he started shouting his mouth off, so make sure he knows mouthing off shit like that isn't on.
Although when he apologised earlier I didnt accept it straight away - made a point of saying he hurt me and he asked if I was going to end it. I said I wasnt sure; after that we spent a few hours together and it was fine.
I think it's also because I havent had a relationship that's moved so fast before, it freaks me out slightly so I think not seeign him til friday is definitely a good thing. I miss him already though:rolleyes:
After my "we need to talk" text, he said it sounded like I wanted to leave it just as friends. I said that wasn't what I wanted and explained that I although I trusted him, I was feeling insecure about the Wendy thing, and that he seemed a bit distant yesterday which is unusual.
Phil texted back saying "you need reassuring. You think I don't think of you but you couldn't be further from the truth". He also said maybe he's too protective but he doesn't like the way I act sometimes (with the flirting). I said I understood and would make an effort not to flirt with his friends, but if he had a go at me again the way he did last Sunday, then that'd be it. Then he said "maybe the 20 years is a bit much, what do you think?". I said I knew he was bothered about the age and he said he wasn't. It's obvious he is though...I told him I get paranoid about the age thing too, especially as Wendy is his age - plus she could be stunning or something! He said "you have nothing to worry about. Maybe Wendy is my age grooup but we're not sexually attracted to each other"
So I believe him. Looking forward to seeing him on Friday and I'm glad he was honest about not liking the flirting.