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relationship with my manager

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hello everyone,

I am new on here so just wanted to say hello and hope you can all give me some great advice.

For the past year me and one of the department managers at work have become really close and flirt like mad, we have been out on several occasions on the quiet for meals and the odd weekend away. Its not all just been about sex we talk on the phone a lot and do coupley things from time to time. I am really starting to like him loads and he says that he feels the same way. I am only 20 but he is 32 and has just got his divorce sorted. My friends say he is only after the chase and will use me and won't want me once he knows he can have me and to think about my job as it could get awkward and nasty. I can't help the way I feel I just want to go for it with him I don't know what to do for the best. My friends think I am mad so I can't really talk to them. What would you do in my situation?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If he has no qualms about cheating on his (then) wife, he will have no problems cheating on you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    have you also thought that the fact that your 20 is quite a conquest for him too? not saying thats necessarily the case but i bet it makes him feel pretty good and i bet he brags to his mates about it
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you go with him, start looking for another job.

    I think he's out for a bit of young pussy to see if he's still got it, to be quite honest. Expect to be used and discarded.

    I'd stay well clear if you have any dignity.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry I meant his divorce is sorted as in he is no longer married to his ex-wife, they were seperated before he met me, just only recentley they have become officially divorced.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nah.. i'd still keep well clear. ive never been overly keen on middle aged men myself anyway tbh but still, im sure you can find someone younger with less of an age gap and less with less baggage
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry I meant his divorce is sorted as in he is no longer married to his ex-wife, they were seperated before he met me, just only recentley they have become officially divorced.

    Three words:

    Mid. Life. Crisis.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id have to agree with kermit in this situation im afraid, sounds like he has no desire to be with you on a full time basis, he just has you when he wants you sort of thing, i know its probably not what you want to hear but your friends are probably right
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I totally see where your all coming from, I thought thats probably why he liked me at first bit of an ego boost after he split from his wife but he got knocked backed loads before I finally gave in. When we are together the age gap doesn't seem relevant we get on really well and he looks younger than 32. Something in the back of my mind though kind of knows it would never last. I guess if i was 100% sure I wouldn't be doubting it. Just wanted other peoples opinions on the situation as my friends thing im barmy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you know it won't last, and its just some fun, then there isn't so much harm in it, but you would find it very hard to stay in the same job after you stop dating. If you're in a shop that's not such an issue, but bear in mind that the fun with your manager can have serious consequences in terms of employment.

    I think you would be daft to go to bed with him expecting more than a porking, but if a porking is all you want then you might as well have a little fun.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I asked for advice and I respect all opinons whether people say what I want to hear or not. Just confusing as I don't know what to do for the best.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    quick question - can you see yourself settling down with him and having kids, a house together etc for the next 50 years? if no then dont waste your time...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont think you should go there im afraid, your telling yourself that there isnt an age gap problem cos its what you want to believe, you want to think that you 2 will have a fairytail ending (im not saying your dillusional or anything ive been there with people myself it happens to us all) id stop seeing him and find someone who will love you for who you are not for the fact that your 10 years younger than him and boosting his ego,
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeh I work in a store, I am at uni so its not the end of the world if things went pear shaped could find a part-time job easy enough.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote:
    quick question - can you see yourself settling down with him and having kids, a house together etc for the next 50 years? if no then dont waste your time...

    I don't think that's necessarily true, she's young and there's no harm in having fun with someone you find mildly attractive if all you want is a bit of no-strings fun.

    If you see yourself getting hurt when he moves on to another girl then don't touch him with a bargepole, but if you just want to jump his bones and enjoy it whilst it lasts then I don't see why you shouldn't.

    The only worry I would have is work- you would find it hard to work with him once it ended, and the power of gossip shouldn't be underestimated. It can make the working environment very very uncomfortable.

    If you're after no-strings fun you would be better off not screwing the crew, to be quite honest, and I think you are deluding yourself if you think it will last the distance.

    Sex and dating doesn't always have to be about love, but be aware of the possible repercussions of shagging your boss. If you go into it with your eyes open I don't see why you shouldn't have a bit of fun with someone you fancy the look of.

    Personally I would avoid it because your colleagues will make you look like a slapper, and you could get fun outside of work without having to deal with the shit from people at work.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    never looked at it like that good point, im way to young to think about kids and houses guess he has already been there and done it all, me and guys is never straight foward, I just want it to work out for myself because I do like the guy and because everyone I know is saying it wont if that makes sense.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Basically if you go with him wanting a serious thing you're gonna get hurt, and that's a given. If you go with him for a bit of fun you will get gossiped about at work, and things will be very uncomfortable when you move on, but if you can deal with that then I don't see why you shouldn't enjoy your youth before you settle down.

    It's not all about love.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think I will just carry on as I am harmless fun and see what comes of it, I may get bored and meet someone my own age but at the moment it makes me happy and I am not causing anyone else any harm, I can deal with the no strings fun its just lately its kind of been become more coupley and thats what has confused me.

    No-one at work has suspected anything so far and to be honest they gossip about something and someone different every week wouldn't like to be know as the store slapper though.
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