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Am I being shallow?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, new guy problem :rolleyes:
I consider myself the type of person that takes people as they find them - I don't make judgements about people without getting to know them first, and when it comes to relationships I'd give anyone a chance - regardless of age, gender, religion or looks. At least I thought that's what I did...
I catch the last bus home after work every night; the bus journey's 30mins and as I'm always the only one on the bus most times, I've got to know the drivers pretty well. There's one in particular who's great - really funny, sweet and always gets me to stand with him at the front of the buys and chat for the entire journey. He's told me he likes me, and after a couple of weeks of him asking for my number, I gave it to him and we've been texting over the past few days (well...he's been texting, I replied!).
I know for a fact he likes me and wants something to happen between us, but the thing is although he's a really sweet guy, I'm not attracted to him in the slightest. Well actually that's not true; he's got nice eyes. But he's way older than me - in his 40s I reckon, and like I said I dont fancy him.
I think it could be the age putting me off...it's an issue with him and I've told him that, but he says I should give him a chance. My friends think this too, and say i should at least go out with him to see if we get on and stuff.
What do you guys think - am I being shallow, and should I give him a chance?
I consider myself the type of person that takes people as they find them - I don't make judgements about people without getting to know them first, and when it comes to relationships I'd give anyone a chance - regardless of age, gender, religion or looks. At least I thought that's what I did...
I catch the last bus home after work every night; the bus journey's 30mins and as I'm always the only one on the bus most times, I've got to know the drivers pretty well. There's one in particular who's great - really funny, sweet and always gets me to stand with him at the front of the buys and chat for the entire journey. He's told me he likes me, and after a couple of weeks of him asking for my number, I gave it to him and we've been texting over the past few days (well...he's been texting, I replied!).
I know for a fact he likes me and wants something to happen between us, but the thing is although he's a really sweet guy, I'm not attracted to him in the slightest. Well actually that's not true; he's got nice eyes. But he's way older than me - in his 40s I reckon, and like I said I dont fancy him.
I think it could be the age putting me off...it's an issue with him and I've told him that, but he says I should give him a chance. My friends think this too, and say i should at least go out with him to see if we get on and stuff.
What do you guys think - am I being shallow, and should I give him a chance?
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Comments
Obviously if you are a lot younger than him, you may be looking for a different kind of relationship than he is. I'm not saying that you won't want the same things, but it's a possibility given the age gap. Also, bear in mind that you may have different interests etc..
I say, maybe go on a date, and see how it goes.
Why did you give out your phone number? I think its given out the wrong impression.
Sounds like you get on well so why not text him and invite him out as a friend?
If you get on with him don't burn your bridges, but please make sure that you don't lead him on anymore. It's not fair.
how exactly is that 'being shallow' in your opinion?
Exactly.
I had to be in work the next day at 4pm, so he dropped me off on his way to work (which meant he got in work 2 hours early!) then asked if he could pick me up after work. I spent the last few days at his place, with him taking me to work and picking me up in his car after he'd finished work at midnight...and I just got home!
He really is lovely...giving him 'a chance' did work out well; I really like him now, and I think he likes me. I've even met his mum (just cos she lives opposite him!) and spent Sunday in the pub with his friends. Turns out we have got quite a bit in common - and I'm staying over at his again at the end of the week
I wish you all the best with him
As long as it doesn't move too quickly and burn out I'll be happy. He's a honey:D
Fuck off with your "How girls think" encyclopedia you use. It's such tosh.
You go girl *does hand movements* :thumb:
Also agreeing all the time to what he wants, in the end he may think you are a sap. It may not be right but it's natural to feel like that if a person sees you all the time, makes me think they havent got their life and eventually i feel stifled. I'd say cut your time down. 2 nights a week if u r taking it slow.
Bad as this sounds, I guess it also depends on where you stand on the physical side of things. I wouldn't stay at a romantically interested bloke's house for days on end if we weren't getting down to it, I don't think.
As VV said, it depends how slowly you want things to progress. I basically think that if you want to spend time with him then do it.
Thats how I started out. Went home the night we met, stayed the weekend, went to my place to grab some clothes, stayed another week... From day one I ended up spending far more time at his house than I did my own.
But its all in what your both comfortable with. If you both enjoy spending that much time with eachother then go for it! It shouldn't be about whats weird or proper, its about what your comfortable with and what makes you happy.
:yes:
Do what you're comfortable with.
Personally I like to spend a lot of time with girlfriends, pretty much all through the relationship. Even after 5 years with my ex we would see each other 5 or 6 days of the week, and she would stay over 2 or 3 of them.
With my current girlfriend we see each other 4 or 5 days of the week, but she doens't really stay over much. Many people think this is a lot of time to spend with someone, but i'm happy and they've been happy so I don't see the problem.
As long as you are both happy then it doesn't really matter whether it's once a month or every day.
It's just that I've never spent so much time at any of my previous boyfriends' houses - I mean, Phil's mum lives around the corner from his house and he takes her newspapers over to her every morning. I went with him on the saturday (after spending my first night with him on friday, although we've been texting and talking to each other for a few weeks as friends). - it felt a bit weird, but his mum was fine with it and seems lovely. I've also spent time in the pub with his mates and got on with them really well. It's just all this stuff we've been doing is normally what I'd consider people to do after they've been seeing each other for a while.
It does feel comfortable though - I don't feel awkward at all being at his house, and although we share a bed at night and I have slept with him (once or twice, not every night though cos I want to make sure he's not just in it for the sex! lol), we do normal stuff during the day - one of us is usually working that day (usually both of us) so we'll stay home and watch tv or play with his cat (also known by me as Evil B******!), or go shopping/around town. It's 'boring couple stuff', but it actually feels ok, and doesn't feel like things are moving too quickly.
And as for not always doing what he wants, he wanted me to meet him after work today but I said I needed to go home and eat/change/see my mum first, and that I'd meet him later. He also won't see me much next week cos I've got plans, so it's not like I'm changing my plans for him or anything:D
Anyway I'll shut up now, otherwise I'll start rambling on about how great he is! :rolleyes:
Awww
Best of luck to you two.
Off to meet him now - I'll see you guys in a week! lol
like everyone said so long as he doesnt take it for granted that you will be there when he wants you and your happy then go with it