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Abandonment & Parental Relationships

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Why am I such an bastard ?, strange way to start a message but if feels the best point. firstly I'd like to say how much I feel I've developed in the last week or so since i discovered this site.

I digress from my original point. having been adopted from birth I should feel privilaged to have been taken into a loving home. Having been bought down to rural Sussex from london into a family that chose me (who said you can't choose your family?). I have not ever truly wanted for anything and have been fortunate to have always been helped out when I need it.

They have been there through the depths of severe depression, they've done the lot. Yet I find myself resenting them for all they've done and continue to do. In the past I've had psychologists go to the B**S*** abandonment issue (one prat even compared me to Luke Skywalker).

maybe I'm a stupid twisted P***k who likes to bite the hand that feeds him, but i just wondered if anyone else has been through a similar thing and if this is normal feelings.

Cheers
Luka

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I haven't been adopted , Luka but when I was a kid I used to wish someone would. There was a time when this American woman tried to abduct me from a train when I was about 8 years old. My dad's girlfriend stopped her but in my child mind I wish she had taken me away from my family because I might have a chance at being more loved.

    I had a terrible childhood (won't go into details because I could go on forever) but now I am glad I went through all of those experiences because they make me who I am today and I like me.

    I look at things this way, if I had have been adopted I could've ended up any way, with different outlooks on life and might not of met the man of my dreams and had my daughter.

    Bad things have to happen for good things to come of them. You were abandoned and I would think that your feelings right now are absoloutely normal. But you have admitted that something good came out of it.

    To be honest, I still question myself sometimes when I'm depressed, 'Did I do something wrong as a kid to be abused, neglected and rejected?' but then I realise as a grown up that kids do not ask for these things to happen to them.

    As grown ups we have to be thankful for what we do have. I used to feel hurt that my father rejected me and my child (his only grandchild) but now I don't really care. I don't wish for something I can't have, I cannot change people, I can only change me and try to give hope to others by telling them how I did it.

    I have a lot to be thankful for and I do have moments of sadness for my stolen innocence as a child but everyone gets sad or pissed off sometimes. We need to release some stress and this board is the perfect place to do it.

    Good Luck, Luka. I hope you find peace in your heart.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by LUKA:
    Why am I such an bastard ?, strange way to start a message but if feels the best point. firstly I'd like to say how much I feel I've developed in the last week or so since i discovered this site.

    I digress from my original point. having been adopted from birth I should feel privilaged to have been taken into a loving home. Having been bought down to rural Sussex from london into a family that chose me (who said you can't choose your family?). I have not ever truly wanted for anything and have been fortunate to have always been helped out when I need it.

    They have been there through the depths of severe depression, they've done the lot. Yet I find myself resenting them for all they've done and continue to do. In the past I've had psychologists go to the B**S*** abandonment issue (one prat even compared me to Luke Skywalker).

    maybe I'm a stupid twisted P***k who likes to bite the hand that feeds him, but i just wondered if anyone else has been through a similar thing and if this is normal feelings.

    Cheers
    Luka

    Hi Luka,

    I don't know if this is going to help, it's just a few observations.

    Firstly, never think your thoughts or feelings regards your adopted parents are not "normal", or that it makes you a bastard for thinking them.

    As individuals, obviously we have thoughts and emotions that others do not, dependent on the situation, this doesn't mean we are not normal, remember we are all unique - different events affect different people in different ways.

    Obviously I do not know the circumstances of your adoption, though you mention abandonment in the title. If you you were 'abandoned', then anger, hostility and being resentful to not only your situation, but also your birth parents seems to be a perfectly normal and understandable reaction.

    I think that everyone needs to feel loved by his or her parents, whether by birth or adopotion. When this doesn't happen for whatever reason, it can cause emotional distress.

    Also if you never have had the opportunity to tell your birth parents how you feel, this can cause frustration. If you do not have the outlet to tell them, are you taking it out on your adopted parents, possibly misplacing your feelings?

    Playing devils advocate, I would ask you to think about the following:
    Because you are not living with your birth parents are you wondering what ‘might have been’, and thinking in what way your life may have been different if you were with them instead?

    Of course we all have to cope with the 'hand we are dealt'.

    The fact that you are able to ventilate your feelings using this forum is to be applauded; I hope you keep in touch.

    Regards derby.


    [This message has been edited by derby county (edited 17-09-2000).]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    may I offer my thanks to you both Gwai & Derby for listening and giving your advises it is much apreciated.

    I'd like to say how much this board means to me now. At this moment in time I'm pretty screwed up but find thesite a greatway to release the frustration a and when neeed. Thanks and much respect to all those at thesite for getting an exellent site, and loads of thanks and respect to everyone who uses it and helps make a nicer world.

    Many Thanks
    Luka <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;


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