thanx, but im still scared.

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  September 2000

  Ok, heres a more drastic measure. Try taking a holiday or a break to get your head straight. You need to back awat from the situation and get at a distace where you can see the whole picture. Just take a step back and look at your life, where you want to go and who could take you there.

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  September 2000

  Hey helly <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  Just think, if you DON'T fall madly in love with him but you go out with him anyway, he's just gonna be hurt even more, isn't he? I know this is tacky but just be honest with him. Put aside smoking and his dancing dick [well maybe not literally!] for a moment and decide just how you feel about him. Then tell him.
  
  The chances of you hurting him are a lot less if you tell him that your not sure how you feel, but you reckon that he's a great guy and you'd like to give it a go, than saying, I don't know and I can't decide. That'll get him all confused <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/confused.gif"&gt; on the other hand, if you just decide that it wouldn't work then give him one of those crap soap excuses: It's not you, it's me.
  It'd be unfair on you, I'm so confused at the moment.
  I just can't have a boyfriend at the moment, but when I can, you'll be top of my list!
  
  Warning though, he might recognise the first one <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt;
  
  Tell him yes but "let's keep it casual". Blokes LOVE to hear that!
  
  If he really wants you this much the don't keep him dangling on a piece of string, just be up front about it. He'll take it better either way. Good luck!
  
  *|* Chica *|*
  

  ---

  
  Stay Calm <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif"&gt;

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  September 2000

  Hi Helly,
  
  I don't know if this helps, a 'little' bit of a similar situation, excuse the rambling though - bit pissed again! Reading through what I have written I don't know if it is going to help much!!
  
  I went out with a girl who was 18 at the time. I was 22 and divorced at the time. She was a student nurse and I was a Staff nurse at the time, though we didn't meet on the wards.
  
  I really liked this girl, though she had a bit of a reputation, and at the time admitted to having been with loads of men. Despite me feeling very close to her, after about 2 months, I still felt that I didn't trust her. One night I went out with an old girlfriend, had a few drinks, had sex - then could not believe what I had done.
  
  You know that oh f**k type situation, when you ask yourself "how did that happen"?, I suddenly realized how much I felt for this girl, and what a fool I had been, so being the honourable type of person I am, I told her about the other girl - tearfully asking for forgiveness.
  
  Of course she finished with me.
  
  She then went out with an old bfriend of hers. A few weeks passed, and because I kept in touch, we all became friendly. I however still felt for this girl, kept it secret, and even though she was unavailable, I felt that I had to keep in contact with her.
  
  She thought we were "just good friends", but I was so in love with her. I loved everything about her, her laugh, the way she walked - everything, but was putting myself through hell every single day.
  
  All 3 of us even shared a house for a while, though god it was difficult seeing her with the other bloke. But I thought in a little way, having part of her (her company) was better than nothing at all.
  
  I didn't see another girl for about a year, I was comparing everyone to her.
  
  Then I met someone else who became my second wife. Though when I explained about this other girl, my wife-to-be, stated that I wasn't to see her. Being the twat I was, I agreed.
  
  Helly, this is the part I am getting too.
  
  For about the next 10 years, whenever I thought about this girl, I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach - you know that feeling of such passion, affection (the sort that takes your breath away) that I felt real sorry about "what might have been".
  
  Then, totally to my surprise - we met on a University course I was doing. The first time I saw her - my heart was in my mouth.
  
  BUT after I started talking to her, I remembered why I had two-timed her in the first place - she admitted cheating on her husband (the bfriend back then), and suddenly all feeling for her disappeared.
  
  It was a strange feeling - like a weight had been lifted from me.
  
  I think I had been in love with an image that I had created for all those years, if that makes sense.
  
  So I guess what I am trying to say is that you don't know how you are going to feel in 10 years, or 10 weeks come to that.
  
  Though you should do what you want to do. Not what anyone else wants, but what you want. Unfortunately in life, we hurt people, its not intentional, it is just the way life is. So follow your heart - don't worry about what might happen in 10 years.
  
  You have to live for today.
  
  Whilst I am rambling, I'll tell you something to back that up. 2 years ago I was earning in excess of £35 000 per year, company car, etc as a Senior Manager for a group of Nursing Homes, in the process of setting up my own Home. I was in the process of marrying again (3rd time!), child on the way - everything rosy.
  
  THEN
  
  I started with a severe back ache, now 2 years on, after a failed spinal operation I am in constant pain, disabled, housebound and will never work again!
  
  Life is so precious, live it and enjoy every single moment of it helly.
  
  Hope I have not bored you rigid,
  
  take care of yourself
  kind regards derby.
  
  

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