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Another long distance relationship thread.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Never thought I'd post in either the sex forum, or in the relationship forum. Looks like I was wrong on both counts. lol

I guess I don't have a specific question, maybe I'm just looking for observations, personal experiences, and opinions. See, I've been dating this girl for just over half a year. I left for college this morning and move into my dorm tomorrow afternoon. We both want to continue a relationship while I'm away and agreed to keep in contact with one another.

I want to know about long distance relationships. Do they work? What can I do to make this easier for her and myself?

thanks guys

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nothing worng with posting in the sex or relationships forums, hon, we all have our issues ;)

    I've known LDR that work and others that don't. In the end it's down to the maturity of the people involved and of the relationship and how deeply you feel about each other.

    I've never been in one myself but I'd say the first word of it is Trust. Don't have that there's not a chance it works. If you put the work into it though it can. I've known quite a few that did. In a life-changing situation though like you are currently going through (sarting college life and all that) if it doesn't work it may be more because of the change of circumstances than the fact its long-distance. Or both.

    My general advice I guess is to try and make it work if you really think it's worth it - but if it gets too hard down the road and begin questioning why you are involved in this in the first place then its time to end it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They work if you want them to work, but they are a lot of hard work.

    Either its worth the hassle and it works, or one of you realises there's someone better a bit closer to home. That's how it is.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I got together with my boyfriend in June (2004) when he came home from his first year at uni, had three months with him and then he went back to uni. We're still together, over two years later, and very strong.

    I think it helped that we'd known each other quite well (we were like each other's 'agony aunts' when various relationships went wrong!) for four years before we got together so we knew each others values and knew that we wanted more or less the same. Trust was never really an issue - more of an assumption than a conscious thing! I've never for a second doubted that I could trust him - I just knew I could.

    We stay in touch a lot (always txting and talk at least once a day, even about trivial things) - more than my mates and their boyfriends who live near each other - and send the occasional present or card to let the other know we're thinking of them and I think that helps too.

    I think you need to be quite independent to be able to cope with a LDR - if you're clingy, you'll find it too hard to cope with the distance and lack of contact.
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    littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    LDRs only work if you are both committed to the relationship.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They can work if both parties are 200% committed to the relationship, and trust each other completely. However, as i've discovered 3 times, when things go wrong, they can go very very very very very very extremely horribly wrong. :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    PartyAnimal - do you think whatever went wrong with your three relationships was due to the distance or would it have happened even if you'd been close by?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that it was probably a combination of the distance, and the fact that we just weren't right for each other....i'm not going to go into details mostly just in case one of my exes comes accros this and gets the shits with me, but if you want to know more, ask me off the forum. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been in a long distance relationship for a few years. Basically I went to South America for seven months in 2003 before starting university in England. I met a man in Brazil who I fell in love with and we started going out. When I returned to England the obvious thing to do was break up - I don't think either of us had even considered staying together whilst on different continents.

    But during that first year of my university course I couldn't stop thinking about him and he couldn't stop thinking about me. One night I went online in my room at university to buy a CD but in a split-second decision I bought a flight to São Paulo. I went back in the summer of my first year and we got back together and decided to stay 'together' indefinately as a couple and do the long distance thing.

    It has caused me a lot of heartache missing him so much and I always cry loads when we have been together but have to part company. But I don't regret anything. He is my soul mate. I don't really feel as if I choose this relationship; I think it choose me.

    Good luck for whatever you decide to do.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This was done not long ago. Yes they can work....(i'm in one) but it depends how often you see each other and how long you're prepared to wait. Also you have to put in alot of effort. More often than not i think one or both end up feeling like they're not in a proper relationship/get fed up etc. On the other hand there's still loads of sucess stories. You deffinatly appreciate each other alot more too.
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