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Do I need to label myself ??
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have had a hell of a time lately deciding whether to label myself as straight, gay, bi or whatever.
I've had gay relationships (non sexual), but I've had straight relationships too, where I've brilliant sex.
The problem is, girls tend to be freaked by this, they wonder how my sexuality can be controlled in this way i.e how I can be straight one minute, and gay the next, which leaves me wondering the same.
I am defienlty attracted to men, but I have never felt turned on by the thought of gay sexual relations, as I am with heterosexual sex.
I have a g/f at the moment, been with her for a couple of months, I'm just wondering what to tell her (whether I'm bi, straight or whatever) without scaring her off completely.
Ideally, I would tell her what I've told you guys, its just this might confuse her, then she'll be freaked out.
I would probably say im 70/30 straight at the moment, but I'm just a bit worried that she'll run a mile if she knows that I am also attracted to men.
Any thoughts would be apprecaited.
I've had gay relationships (non sexual), but I've had straight relationships too, where I've brilliant sex.
The problem is, girls tend to be freaked by this, they wonder how my sexuality can be controlled in this way i.e how I can be straight one minute, and gay the next, which leaves me wondering the same.
I am defienlty attracted to men, but I have never felt turned on by the thought of gay sexual relations, as I am with heterosexual sex.
I have a g/f at the moment, been with her for a couple of months, I'm just wondering what to tell her (whether I'm bi, straight or whatever) without scaring her off completely.
Ideally, I would tell her what I've told you guys, its just this might confuse her, then she'll be freaked out.
I would probably say im 70/30 straight at the moment, but I'm just a bit worried that she'll run a mile if she knows that I am also attracted to men.
Any thoughts would be apprecaited.
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Comments
This is my first message on this board so please treat me gently.......... i've always thought that you shouldn't be labelled, but sometimes pressure due to mates..they think i'm gay coz of the way i act sometimes, maybe i do it to freak them out sometimes, but are my true feelings coming through? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/confused.gif">
I know this doesn't make any sense...but i've never been able to tell someone properly how i feel. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
Help?
Confused male.
"I must find a truth that is true for me......the idea for which I can live or die."(Soren Kierkegaard)
luv Kiz xxx
i am the emotionless freak who dusnt make sense on a good day
I came out when I was 16 as bi, its strange cause most of my straight mates classed me as gay and my gay mates as straight...
Can't win, personally I label myself as me, when I'm in a relationship I'm strict to that one only, theres a myth that bi people sleep with anything with a pulse which isn't true...
Label yourself as you, seems to me that your still confused about your sexuality, theres not point announcing it until your sure , it doesn't matter anyway if your gay/straight/bi or whatever, just remember that once you go announcing things then names and peoples opinions of you can change...
Hope that helps anyway, my mates have come round to the way I am in the last year and now things are great, I've even been introducing them to some of my gay friends and they seem to get on well..
Good Luck
J.
Phew.....sum1 who knows how I feel.
When I'm with my mates (sumtimes when I'm with my g/f even) I apparently act really camp. Hell I like Geri Halliwell, Westlife, Steps etc, so I suppose a lot of people would stereotype me as being gay. However, I just c that as being one aspect of my personality, which by the way I am quite proud of, but like I say I'm 70/30 towards heterosexual relationships.
I suppose we just have to accept who we are, and in time our true sexuality will probably come out, be it gay, straight or bi.
Pressure from mates is always a problem, especially among lads, where its not cool to be gay/camp. Keep your head held high and be proud to live your life as you.
Good luck mate.
Mama I love you, Mama I care.
i am the emotionless freak who dusnt make sense on a good day
I can understand where everyone is coming about with music, I know that just cause someone is into a style they shouldn't be stereotyped but the gay scene is built upon 'Hi-NRG' and cheesy 'pop' music, you know the type:
* Abba / Steps / Funky Pop remixes (ie. Titanic)
And I asume that lads particually may get stereotyped by their mates/other lads as its not really what they define as male...
Music is music, although styles of music can define the type of person or your image of who they are even without meeting them, for example:
* Rock Music - Black Clothes / Makeup (white) / boots
* Happy Hardcore - Ecstasy user, loud, cheerful, cheesy, gloves, whistles and glowsticks
Obviously this isn't the case for everyone but when an image is built up then it kinda stereotypes everyone... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
I personally think its rubbish and you should never judge a book by its cover... try everything once and then you can comment on something through experience... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
Also I think if anyone is your true friend they will love u 4 who u r!!!!!
True, but his/her friends may not be so supportive and make it difficult for him/her..
It happened with one of my friends for a while a few years ago, people knew he was friends with me and some took the rip and saying he was gay. He also didn't know any other gay people and his family where against it, it just takes time sometimes to accept.. I can understand that totally... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
He's great now and doesn't care!!
I think the difference here is that a1 sing pop stuff. Very few gay people are likely to sing about niggers etc (I haven`t heard much of D12's stuff so I don`t really know what they sing about)
Personally I think pop boybands are gay, but thats my opinion. I don`t mean the members necessarily, I just tend to tag them, which may be wrong but its my opinion.
A1, Nsync, Westlife, Steps, any male who likes them must be gay! (or just have weird taste in music.
I know this isn`t necessarily true but its the sort of tag that is attached to ppl like that.
As a footnote, H from Steps - he MUST be gay, cos he acts that way and it is so obvious.
I know this hasn`t really been a particularly important addition but I just though I`d explain the tag that is attached to men who like Steps etc.
I probly sucked at it but what the hell!
"Honesty is just an excuse for lack of imagination."
Bizzare is the big fat black guy in D-12.
i am the emotionless freak who dusnt make sense on a good day
This isnt just a case of my freinds saying oh I'm gay for liking Steps or whatever, its just a common stereotype, and I'm proud to have a diverse personality.
Thats alright!! It was good for ME to know!!
Anyway, feel free to e mail me if you want.
Bye the way, how many g/f's have you had, and have you felt like this with all of them?
"I must find a truth that is true for me......the idea for which I can live or die."(Soren Kierkegaard)
I've had a few relationships, a couple of serious(ish) ones, and to be honest, its only now that ive really felt like this about my sexuality. Whenever ive been in a relationship, be it with a guy or a girl, ive always thought of myself as gay when i was with a guy, and straight when i was with a girl.
But i am fairly sure that im bi now, its just a matter of dealing with it in such a way that m g/f doesnt get TOO freaked when I tell her the truth.
I do the exact same thing mate, don't worry about it, the thing is that no matter who your with your never going to stop being attracted to other people but you can only look and not touch.
When I'm with my gay mates my straight mates think I act camp and visa versa, my friends have also pointed out loads of little camp features that I have since finding out about me, things like saying how I soften my voice sometimes and using my hands to express myself and silly stuff like that.
Being different has always been difficult and that goes for anyone, but being unique is a great quality...
Bisexualism is a difficult thing for people to get their heads round, possibly more so that homosexualism purely on the basis that people find it hard to understand how a person can like both sexes, thats certainly what I've noticed amongst gay and straight people anyway. Some gay people find it hard to accept and the same goes for plenty of straight people.
But i am fairly sure that im bi now,
Are you sure your sure? I wouldn't go mentioning anything until your 100% positive, once you say something like that to people then everyone will know and if you decide later down the line that your straight then it doesn't always wash with others.
When people are in their teens and indeed early twenties their hormones are 'up-the-creek' and believe me plenty of people have homosexual experiences while growing up although with many its just a phase while their brains sort out who they are. The one thing I can say tho is that many (who turn out straight) won't ever mention these and perhaps even be against it in certain issues in the future (ie. Micheal Portillo).
its just a matter of dealing with it in such a way that m g/f doesnt get TOO freaked when I tell her the truth.
Thats a difficult one, I've been in your situation before, its hard and a lot of girls are put off with it. Thankfully the girl I'm seeing at the moment is also bisexual/curious and she met me through finding out from her friends who found out through my friends (hey, people talk.. its an interesting subject and everyone seems to fasinated with it all at the moment).
So on telling her I'd just say be honest and help her feel better by explaining what its all about, many people have this believe that if you bisexual you always have two partners (one each sex) and your a slag who sleeps around frequently. Just cause your gay/straight or whatever doesn't mean that you can't be trusted to stay with one partner.
Good luck in telling her if thats what you decide to do.. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
Do you use drugs?
Were you molested as a child?
perhaps a Psychiatrist could help you sort it out.
bisexual people are not bisexual because they use/have used drugs or because they were molested as a child, neither do they need a psychiatrist to tell them that.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Well yes and no, I find it normal where as its others who find it confusing.. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
Do you use drugs?
Yes, for recreational purposes only, but I'd had feelings and experiences before I started on drugs...
Were you molested as a child?
No, I had a hard time in the forces but thats another story and I'd been in plenty of relationships before that, the forces just messed my head up and I lost my self-confidence...
....perhaps a Psychiatrist could help you sort it out.
I was seeing one before I got discharged from the army and was at an Alchohol Treatment Unit, I've thought about going back to sort my head out plenty of times but I work and can't get regular time off... I'm also emigrating on the 27th September and can't see on as it could damage my chances..