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Jealous of Ex (partial rant so sorry)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, so, me and my Ex, despite having my heart broken, stay in touch, on and off. I know it is stupid of me and i shouldnt talk to her at all until i am over her. But i cant stop talking to her on msn or when she txts or phones. But its the thing thats getting me down.
We chat as friends and thats cool, but one day she will tell me how hard it was ending it with me and the next day how happy she is she finished with me. And she will talk to me like we are a couple then other days blank me to talk to some guy she fancies at school. She was the one saying she was in love and i wasnt, but she is the one happy and im left miserable.
All in all i can deal with this stuff, mostly, its just sometimes, we chat and she will tell me something, like any friend would but it crushes me. Like she text me at 2.40am last night, which i didnt see till i woke up this morning to go to work saying how she had just had the best night out ever celebrating her 4 A's at AS level.
So i text back to say i was glad she had a good night, and she texts me back straight away with details of what clubs and bars they went to, how her Ex from before me groped her so she slapped him, but only because she wasnt drunk enough to let him do what ever he liked with her (What the FUCK! Since when has she ever been so drunk she would let this guy, who she detests when she talks to me usually, do anything to her?) AND how she pulled some total stranger she spent most of the night flirting with.
WHY???
Why would she tell me all this if we are suppose to be trying to be just friends?
Why is she making me jealous of her?
Why is it i am the one who doesnt have any confidence to go out and chat up random girls and pull them but she can pull any guy she likes on a night out?
Why is it, despite being older then her, more mature and all that, i can not seem to deal with our break up that well but she seems to be over me in only a few days?
Did she never really care and doesnt mean to be doing this on purpose or is she trying to keep me in her life as a back up for when times get rough because thats when she is happy with me in her life?
I just DO NOT get her!
Do i ignore her texts and calls from now onand never speak to her or do i tell her just never ever tell me about anything she does with other guys from now on or what?
We chat as friends and thats cool, but one day she will tell me how hard it was ending it with me and the next day how happy she is she finished with me. And she will talk to me like we are a couple then other days blank me to talk to some guy she fancies at school. She was the one saying she was in love and i wasnt, but she is the one happy and im left miserable.
All in all i can deal with this stuff, mostly, its just sometimes, we chat and she will tell me something, like any friend would but it crushes me. Like she text me at 2.40am last night, which i didnt see till i woke up this morning to go to work saying how she had just had the best night out ever celebrating her 4 A's at AS level.
So i text back to say i was glad she had a good night, and she texts me back straight away with details of what clubs and bars they went to, how her Ex from before me groped her so she slapped him, but only because she wasnt drunk enough to let him do what ever he liked with her (What the FUCK! Since when has she ever been so drunk she would let this guy, who she detests when she talks to me usually, do anything to her?) AND how she pulled some total stranger she spent most of the night flirting with.
WHY???
Why would she tell me all this if we are suppose to be trying to be just friends?
Why is she making me jealous of her?
Why is it i am the one who doesnt have any confidence to go out and chat up random girls and pull them but she can pull any guy she likes on a night out?
Why is it, despite being older then her, more mature and all that, i can not seem to deal with our break up that well but she seems to be over me in only a few days?
Did she never really care and doesnt mean to be doing this on purpose or is she trying to keep me in her life as a back up for when times get rough because thats when she is happy with me in her life?
I just DO NOT get her!
Do i ignore her texts and calls from now onand never speak to her or do i tell her just never ever tell me about anything she does with other guys from now on or what?
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Comments
I would tell her that it bothers you and you'd rather not hear about it. If she's a proper friend then she shouldn't have a problem with it. Maybe she just assumes that because she's over you then you will be over her as well and won't mind hearing what she's been up to.
My ex (who I've always stayed friends with) used to tell me about girls he'd pulled and drop hints about how far it had gone. I didn't want to know so I just didn't respond or I'd change the subject. After a while he got the message. I don't know what you're saying to your ex in response to her telling you this stuff, but if you're not already doing you could try ignoring it completely, see if she takes the hint.
It's hard, but I wouldn't try and force yourself into trying to salvage a friendship out of it. If there's one thing I've learned then it's that once things go beyond friendship then there's no easy way back.
I don't know your relationship, but I'd just ignore her texts till she gets bored, then maybe text her in a couple of weeks asking how she is?
Then in a couple of months you might be able to think about seeing if there's a friendship there.
I in my case do stuff that leaves me with no other choice. I.e. I asphalt myself a one-way-road.
In this case I'd tell her, "you know I had a really hard time with the seperation and you tell me about how you get on with strangers and how you would things with your ex, when you'd be drunk enough. Are you really that stupid that you don't realize that you are hurting me, or do you even do it on purpose? I do not know what your intention is, and if it was to upset me you clearly succeeded. I do not care what you do, when you do and with who you do ANYTHING AT ALL. You left me, than leave me alone for good. I am not interested in having contact with you anymore."
Block her from msn, delete her cellphone number, and stop/avoid any other chances/opportunities to come in contact with her in any kind of way.
Helps tremendously in getting over someone and it does not leave you like a retard that lets himself walk all over by some ex.
She did say sorry and say she didnt realise it was so hard for me, but then she did the most unexpected thing...she told me she still thinks about me and wishes i was with her. I had tried to avoud talk of "us" completely but she brought it up again! Well, i told her, she dumped me, she wanted to see other guys, she is having no problem hooking up with other guys and i am having lots of problems so why should i care? She told me that was fair and then pointed out that the guy she Pulled, she ditched when someone told her he was 25, when he was really 17 so she lost him to her mate who went off with him with out realising my Ex was with him already.
Why? Was it to make me feel better or stop me arguing with her?
I dont know, but the conversation ended with her having an early night and me left somewhat frustrated and less clear then ever.
I might have to blank her for a while now.
Oh yes, Bri asked a valid question, how long ago did you split? My little essay might be null and void depending on the answer..
For the love of God, man, do please blank her... leave it be. Cut her off, at least for a while, as people have previously suggested. You need to be cold now, and while I'm sure it's not in your nature you need to find it within yourself to protect your heart in some way otherwise it'll be a bloody pulp before you get out of the grip of this particular relationship.
I can guarantee you she is not thinking of you when she has her tongue down some random bloke's throat or is vying for the attention of pathetic liars in the pub... she's calling you when she's bored at home alone, by your own admission. She talks to you as and when she feels like it and controls your every emotion by what she chooses (seemingly on a whim) to talk about - making you jealous with her tall tales when she wants to bring you to your knees, then reeling you back in with lines about how she misses you when she realises that she's pushed you that little bit too far and she mightn't be able to keep you dangling as some kind of back-up. Nothing she says is to "make you feel better", I don't think she has your best interests at heart for a split second so don't bank on her sparing your heart or your bollocks any pain when she launches her ice pick at you again.
I had a similar situation a few years ago with an ex and I went arse over tit every time he called me or sent me some flippant text, and he reeled me in every time with tiny little hints that he still had feelings for me or missed what we'd shared. It took me far longer than it should have to get wise to his bullshit but I did. It really hurt and I found it very difficult to accept, but he only cared about me/"us"/the past when he was lonely or it was late at night or he was drunk. I don't know who I was trying to kid... he didn't give two shits about anything other than getting balls deep in some random lass on any of the numerous evenings I sat pathetically at home wondering if he'd deign to send me a text. It makes me feel furious to think about it now, all the time I wasted and sleepless nights I had. But it was my own doing, it isn't the time to be spineless.
With the best will in the world, please locate your balls and stand up to this girl. You don't want to know how she is doing or what she's up to because I suspect that's really more than you can handle right now. Likewise, nothing that you are doing or say to her during this contact is going to impress or endear her to you, because I reckon she sees you as pretty much a play-thing now and has little to no respect for you. I know this sounds harsh, but seriously, I would hate you to come out the other end of this feeling as foolish as I did. It sounds like I'm speaking badly of this site and people who post about their problems on it - I'm not, for one second - but we, the posters here, are the ones who are plagued by lost loves and break ups and it has to be said that you are here asking for advice and your ex girlfriend is not (though I suppose she could be technically, or could be elsewhere on the 'net, who knows). The long and short of that point is that she isn't sitting and pining after you.
You are always going to hurt when you think of this girl. I still get little twinges of regret and self-doubt and sorrow when I think of most of my exes, but you heal and move on. I'm sure she is not really over the entire relationship but she must've invested less in it than you which is maybe just part of a lot of younger people's mentalities. I used to find it a lot easier to express love and go through the motions when I was younger, so I don't think the fact that she had professed love means she should be having a harder time dealing with the break up than you are.
If you don't decide to yourself now that THIS IS IT then you're going to trip over yourself in your haste to be at her beck and call everytime she contacts you, and she in turn is going to drop you like a hot potato everytime she feels she's led you on that little bit too much or wants to go out and flirt and kiss other blokes or whatever. She's playing games, and you deserve - and can do - better than that.
Chin up, if you need to talk/rant/be shouted at then you can always PM me
And it was the other week, though it seems longer now, when she ended things.
This is very sound advice. It's hard to cut someone out of your life just like that but I have done this in the past and it does work.
kinda seconded, but not quite. I don't know much about your relationship, and she might have seen it as dead end, or it was just growing over hear head. sometimes people seperate and realize later, that it wasn't such a good idea, because you could've worked on the problems instead of pushing them aside (with the seperation), but what you really have to do is leave her alone. When you give her signs that you come running like a puppy when she calls then she knows she got you on short leash, can do whatever she wants with you, while still whoring around (sorry to be so harsh) in pubs.
Tell her to leave you fucking alone for christs sake. It's good in both ways. IF YOU are meant to be together, she will only realize that way (when she sees how it is without you being there all the time), and second: you can finally get over her, which will DEFINITELY not be the case, talking to her each day, and getting miserable by her 'adventures'. Buckle up, mate.
Hint: Next time she calls you, tell her that you can't stay on for long because you're busy, or you have an important meeting to attend or something...make it sound genuine and important. Do it enough, and eventually she should get the hint, and you'll feel better doing it, too. Or at least i did when i did it to my ex.
She did a bulletin, a quiz one, and pointed all about how;
she is "Single and really enjoying herself FOR ONCE"
she only regrets "Not getting that guys number from Thursday night as he was perfect for her"
What a BITCH! I am going to have to delete her from EVERYTHING in my life if she is going to do this!
Right, pep talk coming up.
I don't know what she's like, if she's meaning to hurt you or not. It's a proper mindfuck, when one minute she's totally, totally into you, then the next she acts like a cold hearted, vindictive little girl. You don't know if she ever meant a thing she said, or if she's just upset or whatever, yeah?
Justnow, you need to break contact with her till the dust settles. Like totally, not even a how are you text, and deffo not when you're pissed. Just leave it, I'd say let her talk to you if she wants to talk. Try and just rise above all the texts she sends, and if she decides she wants to speak to you like an adult then you can see how you feel.
You're still probably a sound as fuck bloke, you might never find out what she really felt or whatever, but don't let it devalue who you are. You were somebdoy that she really did like and wanted to be with, and the more you rise above her little games, then the better you'll feel in yourself.
My mate said to me (and it probably applies here too), that it's fine to be hurt and it's fine to be a bit gutted, but sometime you'll end up meeting somebody so special and just click and you'll both just be so amazingly happy together and the kind of girl goes for bastards is just going to get herself hurt till the cows come home.
Oh, and listen to Briggi :yes:
It is the head fuck of it all...she suddenly turned nice again...argh!
Ok, time to be strong and turn her down!