cheated on

Former Member · August 2001

hey everyone,
the other week my boyfriend and best friend hooked up. They both say it was a drunken mistake. I am really hurt but they are both really special to me. I am still with my boyfriend because I love him and I just couldn't leave him. I am kinda talkin to my mate again. Now they are back to being good friends and this is what pisses me off the most. I saw them talking today and I just couldn't handle it, I burst into tears. Am I selfish for not wanting them to be friends anymore? Would I be out of line saying something? I just can't believe they could do this to me. It hurts so much and I really can't handle this.

This above all, to thine own self be true.

Former Member · August 2001

...hang on a minute...your boyfriend and your best mate shagged and you are still talking to them both??? I would have gone fucking mental! Thing is if you have taken your boyf back then you can't really not talk to your mate as it takes 2 to tango!!

As for them still being mates, i can understand why that would piss you off and I would definitely say something - but that's just me having a short fuse! Don't let them take you for a mug. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif">

Former Member · August 2001

get rid of your bloke and your mate and let them do what they want. Same thing happened to me once. A good mate shagged the bird I was seeing (fair enough we were on the verge of splitting up anyway) and my best mate knew about it but didn't tell me for 6 months afterwards. Any, he was put in hospital and I haven't spoken to either for 3 years.

If you stay with either of them the betrayl will always be there to remind you, and no matter what you say you will always be reminded of it.

Former Member · August 2001

To right Dragon.

If you have forgiven your boyf once he will think he can do it again and again and again.

Actually a similar thing happend to me en all, I wasn't actually going out with the bloke though, just seeing him, but my best mate went with him behind my back which really pissed me off. No one told me about it and I ended up working it out for myself a few months later! I ended up having a row with my mate but forgave her....then the same thing happened with another bloke i was seeing, i couldn't belive it. Needless to say I didn't forgive her a second time, we ended up having a fight and I haven't spoken to her for about 5 years now!! It still winds me up when I think about it though!

Former Member · August 2001

I think that everyone is right in what they are saying here, he can't think that much of you if he's willing to humilate you this way with your so-called friend. I say bomb them both out.

Former Member · August 2001

Originally posted by angel_clarabell:
hey everyone,
the other week my boyfriend and best friend hooked up. They both say it was a drunken mistake. I am really hurt but they are both really special to me. I am still with my boyfriend because I love him and I just couldn't leave him. I am kinda talkin to my mate again. Now they are back to being good friends and this is what pisses me off the most. I saw them talking today and I just couldn't handle it, I burst into tears. Am I selfish for not wanting them to be friends anymore? Would I be out of line saying something? I just can't believe they could do this to me. It hurts so much and I really can't handle this.

What a bunch of bastards!!!!

Never piss into the wind!! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/cool7.gif">

Former Member · August 2001

Well all I can say is staying with this bloke and your mate isnt going to work at all in my oppinion. U will always feel bitter deep down, and u would have every reason too, and unfortunatly the chances of it going on again r quite high.

These two are selfish basterds, do yourself a favour and get rid of em. U dont need people like that in life...they will only keep hurting u and u will feel worse and worse. U dont deserve to get treated like that!

Just to finnish off, this happened to me with a girl I had been best friends with from the age of 3! Not only did they do what they did, but she then came on holiday with me and my familly which cost her nothing and didnt have the decency to tell me!

It gets worse though, despite not telling me she blagged to people at school and when I returned after the summer holidays I got told by practically my whole year...and she then tried to deny anything happened, followed by we were drunk etc etc.

He admitted it to me so I chinned him lmfao and had she managed to accept she done it and appologised I might not have kicked ten ton of shit out of her...unfortunatly it did come to that! I am not for one minute saying u should do this, theres no need and violence isnt the answer really.

What goes around comes around and I said this to the bitch that done this to me... how right was I, she foned me up a few years later saying how sorry she was and how right I was coz her best mate did it to her! We actually talk now but its only saying hello if we see each other and I still dont feel anything towards her in terms of being mates.

I do think by ignoring this happened and carrying on u r punishing yourself and also letting them think they can do it again and u wont do anything.

Former Member · August 2001

Not so long ago, my g/f's best mate tried to come on to me (via txt msg admittedly), and to be honest it fucked me up in the head 100%.

Nothing happened between us, and nothing ever would and I made that clear from the outset (except when me and my g/f agreed that I should accept her advances, coz we thought that she was only interested in the chase, which she was)

Now without sounding big headed, I dealt with the situation responsibly, taking my g/f's feelings into account, and trying to put her mate off without hurting anyone, and everything is now cool.

Whether they were drunk or not, it was the worst thing they could ever have done to you in the world, and you are rightly upset about it (god knows how my g/f coped)

Sorry to say, but your b/f sounds like a complete bastard, he DIDNT handle it responsibly, and your mate aint much of a mate really, is she ??

Your better off without them both.

Former Member · August 2001

Ok, thanks everyone. The thing is they didn't sleep together, they just kissed at our ball. I don't know how much difference that makes. It is not as bad I know, but it still happened. How do I know whether to believe them? They say it was the biggest mistake ever, blah blah blah, and it meant nothing. I have been friends with this girl for like 7 years and I really miss her, as stupid as that is. I love my boyfriend so much I don't know whether I can leave him. Before this happened I would give the same advice as you, but now I just don't know. Is it better that it was just a kiss - they stopped before they took it too far. Anyway I am spending 2 weeks away from him now so I guess I will see how I cope without him. I'm just so hurt but I want to forgive them. I am just so mad that they think it can all go back to normal again.

This above all, to thine own self be true.

Former Member · August 2001

Well u should def keep them apart still, because if they have done who knows what eles might happen?

Former Member · August 2001

Yeah that's what I think but I didn't know if it was just paranoia or not. Right now they are getting drunk together with some other mates. Great ay. I just cried in front of my boyfriend but didn't say why. For some reason I feel bad whinging about it. Like they are both over it and great friends again but I am the loser who can't get over it. I know that's stupid but that's how it feels. I suppose if something happens tonight then at least it is over and done with and i don't waste anymore of my time on them.

This above all, to thine own self be true.

Former Member · August 2001

Wow baby soooo get rid, he's not worth it. Believe me at your age there is plenty more fish in the sea, it may not seem like it now but in the long term u will benefit. I speak from experience so pleaseeee listen and learn.

Former Member · August 2001

As previously stated - i am quite surprised you didnt really lose your rag. i have great respect for you that you have that much forgiveness to stil call this person your friend and still being going out with your boyfriend.

but theres no point having lots of respect for this forgiving side to your nature if they are just gona throw it back in your face! and to me it sounds like they are about to, don't let em

its your call!

its not illegal til u get caught :P

Former Member · August 2001

I'd have gone mad and ignored them both for a while so that I could get my head round it all. I'd have to think about whether I could trust them anymore after what had happened, if I felt I could cos it was a mistake then I'd let them know I was gonna be wary in the future but if I couldn't trust them then I'd tell them both to stay away from me.

*~OtHeR - wOrLdLy~* <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/angel.gif">

<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/elefant.gif">

Former Member · August 2001

It's just so hard. I mean, I am still so hurt and I haven't spoken to my friend barely at all. But I can tell my boyfriend is really sorry. Maybe you don't believe that, but you just know when people really mean it. He cried which he never ever does. I don't know. I really don't know what the hell to do, I just don't want to let go of him. I can see what you mean about it being better in the long run, I suppose it will be. Maybe I'm just stupid. But I don't really have that many other people, definitely noone as close as him. I keep telling myself it was just a kiss. One kiss which happened by accident and they stopped straight away. I want to forgive him, or else I would be trying to convince everyone it's not that bad. But I just feel betrayed all the time, like a constant hurt and all I wanna do is cry. If this doesn't get better then I couldn't stay. If I stayed and got hurt again it would be my own fault. It is hard to make a decision like this in all my confusion. I want the pain to pass so I can think clearly but I guess it will be too late then, either way. Thanks for your advice everyone I appreciate it soo much!

This above all, to thine own self be true.

Former Member · August 2001

It's just so hard. I mean, I am still so hurt and I haven't spoken to my friend barely at all. But I can tell my boyfriend is really sorry. Maybe you don't believe that, but you just know when people really mean it. He cried which he never ever does. I don't know. I really don't know what the hell to do, I just don't want to let go of him. I can see what you mean about it being better in the long run, I suppose it will be. Maybe I'm just stupid. But I don't really have that many other people, definitely noone as close as him. I keep telling myself it was just a kiss. One kiss which happened by accident and they stopped straight away. I want to forgive him, or else I would be trying to convince everyone it's not that bad. But I just feel betrayed all the time, like a constant hurt and all I wanna do is cry. If this doesn't get better then I couldn't stay. If I stayed and got hurt again it would be my own fault. It is hard to make a decision like this in all my confusion. I want the pain to pass so I can think clearly but I guess it will be too late then, either way. Thanks for your advice everyone I appreciate it soo much!

This above all, to thine own self be true.

Former Member · August 2001

chuck them both!they obviously dont respect you enough not to have done it, i mean, a true mate wouldn't have done it-however drunk they were.they obviously deserve each other and id finish him which would mean ud called the shots and gone out on top.let them have each other,find another more stunning boyfriend and sit back and wait till they cheat on each other and laugh at them when they have!!!!!

Former Member · August 2001

its alrite u peops tellin her to just chuck them both but it is impossible to b that easy if she loves him that much. it wud b pretty hard to ditch yer bezzie m8 too. i cudnt do it. me n my bezzie m8 have bin bezzies 4 7 yrs n me n my bf have been together 4.....bout a week which is also how long ago we actually first "met" n i just cud not ditch either of em. its as simple as that.
wot i wanna say 2 a_c is that if u really trust ur bf then of course keep him. try (its gonna b hard) to put the past behind u. Your gonna have to talk to ur m8. even if its just over the fone to start with. you cant just chuck away a good relationship with NEBODY (unless they murdered sum1 close 2 u or summat like that.lol.). neways, good luck and dont forget to tell us wot u decide to do!
luv Kia

i am the emotionless freak who dusnt make sense on a good day

Former Member · August 2001

I was once going out with someone for a year and a half and he cheated on me 2,with one of my close mates.i forgave him,but we split later for different reasons,hes now had four other girlfriends and cheated on them all,i know its hard 2let go,but its the best move i have made,iloved him so much,but now iv got a new boyfriend of 9months so far and got engaged last month.just prooves there is life beyond the cheating boyfriend.
as for your mate,if she was a proper mate she would of resisted the temptation of your boyfriend.get rid!you can do better.

Former Member · August 2001

i dunno i was cheated on and we carried on another month or so but it was never the same and it just seemed like it was broken beyond repair....... however my friend got cheated on ages ago and is still quite happy with the girl so i wouldnt like to say....... (arent i helpful....)

I need to wash myself again to hide all the dirt and pain, but I'd be scared that there's nothing underneath

Former Member · August 2001

look out for yourself honey, do whats best for you and you alnoe, you have nothing to prove to anyone else, follow you heart and make yourself happy.

Former Member · August 2001

'I can tell my boyfriend is really sorry. Maybe you don't believe that, but you just know when people really mean it. He cried which he never ever does'

I know exactly how u feel as I went through a similar situation in June. My bf of nearly two years kissed another girl and although everyone told me (and still tell me) I should get rid I took him back after a week of being apart.It was just a very drunken kiss and now he won't speak to the girl if it means losing me.
I know just how you feel about keeping them apart and I think it's the best thing you can do, and understandable too. If he loves you and wants to be with you, he will give up your friend. If you need to talk to someone, Ill let u know my msn name.
good luck and take care xx

Former Member · September 2001

Well if your boyfriend is gettin with ur best mate then u really must be doin summat wrong do u not give good head or summat! whatever the reason they done it its irrelevant but remeber mates should always comew before partners so if she really was that good a mate then you shouldn't fall out with her but as for your boyfriend get rid of him and come and see me.

xxxx

Former Member · September 2001

thanks evry1. Maybe i'm a pushover but i'm still with my boyf and talkin to my mate again now. Some other bad stuff has been going on and it has kind of made this seem less important. I know i might be setting myself up to be hurt again and if i do then i realise i deserve it. But quite honestly i need these people right now. I understand either relationship may end sooner or later but right now I have decided to stick it out. I really appreciate evry1s advice it really helps to hear from ppl who have been thru it already. Then again every experience is different so who knows. Well, life goes on so i guess just to deal with it one day at a time is the way to go.

This above all, to thine own self be true.

Former Member · September 2001

Originally posted by angel_clarabell:
thanks evry1. Maybe i'm a pushover but i'm still with my boyf and talkin to my mate again now. Some other bad stuff has been going on and it has kind of made this seem less important. I know i might be setting myself up to be hurt again and if i do then i realise i deserve it. But quite honestly i need these people right now. I understand either relationship may end sooner or later but right now I have decided to stick it out. I really appreciate evry1s advice it really helps to hear from ppl who have been thru it already. Then again every experience is different so who knows. Well, life goes on so i guess just to deal with it one day at a time is the way to go.

Good luck!

Never piss into the wind!! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/cool7.gif">

cheated on

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