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depressed/alone
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is the first time ive posted here, but also the first time ive been open over my feelings. Im 18 and have never had a g/f, never been kissed, never been out with anyone.
for a long time i thought i might be gay because of this but i know thats not right. Its due to my self-esteem. Since i was 14 I was bullied alot and being a sensitive kid, it affected me more than it might others. Otherwise I was quite a happy person, I was interested in girls but lost all sense of confidence in myself from being bullied.
Than time went on and I just learned to accept that I cant be in relationships, which has caused me lots of problems in life. I have hardly any 'friends' as I find it hard to relate to other people and also have no interests like going out, clubbing or whatever it is people do.
Im not sure if my life will ever change but I believe that my personality will stay like it is from what i have experienced in life, I already prefer just to be on my own company without anyone else as this makes me feel most secure.
I dont know anyone else who has had a life like mine, and I hope no-one else will. All I can do is go on in the belief that their is a happy ending (probably when im 6 feet under) R.I.P
for a long time i thought i might be gay because of this but i know thats not right. Its due to my self-esteem. Since i was 14 I was bullied alot and being a sensitive kid, it affected me more than it might others. Otherwise I was quite a happy person, I was interested in girls but lost all sense of confidence in myself from being bullied.
Than time went on and I just learned to accept that I cant be in relationships, which has caused me lots of problems in life. I have hardly any 'friends' as I find it hard to relate to other people and also have no interests like going out, clubbing or whatever it is people do.
Im not sure if my life will ever change but I believe that my personality will stay like it is from what i have experienced in life, I already prefer just to be on my own company without anyone else as this makes me feel most secure.
I dont know anyone else who has had a life like mine, and I hope no-one else will. All I can do is go on in the belief that their is a happy ending (probably when im 6 feet under) R.I.P
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Hey Shellfish, welcome to the board.
This brings on an immense feeling of deja vu, I could've been writing most of the same things when I was your age. I had no confidence in myself and it was ruining my life, I wasn't happy about it but it seemed there was nothing I could do.
Just a couple of points for you, Man is a social animal, everyone needs social contact, it's one of the experiences that shape you as a person. You say you only feel secure with your own company, I would guess from this that you are an introvert as opposed to an extrovert (username of shellfish kinda gives it away too), easily overwhelmed by the unpredicatability and esoteric nature of social situations. This is all natural stuff, everyone has felt like that at least once in their lives.
Sorry to say there are no easy answers to this one. I eventually slid down to the depths of doing a manual night shift job, drugged to the eyeballs so I didn't have to think from one day to the next. I pulled out of it though, meditation was just one of the things I used.
Don't give up, and don't deny to yourself who you really are.
Gotta go now but I'll be back to check this thread tomorrow.
Later dude.
There are loads of people out there like you. I'm one of them.
I'm a bit of an intravert and get depressed pretty often but it doesn't stop me getting on with life.
I go to a boys school (hold off with the gay jokes!) and so its pretty hard to get experience with the other sex. Ive never had a gf but it doesnt bother me (most of the time)
You just have to get out with some friends. Clubbing etc.
Ive only had about a year of goin out clubbing, parties etc and my friends accept me for who I am. I'm just waiting for the right girl to come along.
Which shouldn't be too long <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
Keep smiling
MR HAPPY <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt
Listen, there r people that have had lives like u and feel the same way...Im one of them for starters so dont feel like u r all alone in your feelings, its not the case I swear!
I have had relationships in the past but none of them have been good for me, and all they ever resulted in was me being treated badly in some form or another...and those were the ones that lasted longer than 3 months, the rest were not even that!
Ive had and lost countless friends and I can probably count on one hand how many true friends Ive got that r worth having. This is just an example of how I understand your situation...I could go on all night with the rest but theres no need!
The best advice anyone ever said to me was that I was the only one who could make myself have good things in life and also that things will only change if u let them and want them to. Im finally trying to follow that advice and its taken me too long but at least Im doing it now lol!
Ive realised a lot in the past year and Im still only at the beggining of sorting my life out, and beleive me Ive wasted far too many years sitting on my arse, taking shit from people, expecting my life to always be crap and basically never taking advice or help that was offered to me.
Please just take in what Ive said and make a conscieous decision to make things happen in your life. Coz nobody else will do it for u, and especially if u r not really wanting to make your life better.
U can do lots of things to start with, find yourself an interest or meeting people by joining some sort of group or club. Do u work or r u studying? Whichever of those u may be doing that means there r people u r around and its up to u to try and get yourself some mates...even if they arnt exactly best friends they r still people u can go out with and get to know.
Im not gonna carry on or Ill never get through the posts here tonite lmfao. But please ask anything u want and feel free to talk to us lot here coz u r sure to make friends if u stick around and there r a lot of decent people here <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
But from me, my friend, you get the truth.
I myself have gone through what you are going through, and in a way i still am, but im definatley on the upward course.
A) You need to get out more. First party i went to (at the age of 15) i pulled and got a girlfriend.
C) Don't sit in a corner. This is one of the hardest ones to do. Get out there and have fun! If you're afraid of making a pratt out of yourself, dont be! Don't bother thinking of the consequences, just do it!
D) Have a good time!
Be yourself, baby!
sorry had to ask.. name rang a bell.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
yours
shellfish
Don't worry about the people who have bullied you in the past, they will get there comeuppance.
Make sure you let us know how you get on.
Genie x <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">
If u wanna talk email me.
It matters not who won or lost, but how you place the blame.
I have always gone to boys schools and only ever hung round with other blokes. I was constantly bullied from the age of 9 until I was about 15/16.
Again like you my parents have no social life. They spend all their time together and have no group of friends. I was going to organise a 50th birthday party for them, but as they have no-one to invite am sending them to America now.
My sister became really ill when I was 15 and I was constantly depressed and resorted to nicking stuff to get attention and going off the rails.
I have done copius amounts of drugs, which helped me to escape and forget about everything, but it only lasts for a while and when you come down everything is still there waiting.
I suggest getting a Saturday job in sales or something where you are interacting with other people constantly. When you start a new job it's always scary at first and there's always going to be people you don't get on with, but there'll be some you build a great relationship with.
The worst for me was when my mates all went to Uni, and I had no-one to go out with. I started a new job, met a girl who I spent the next 2 years with and had a good time.
I'm now 23, and having a great time. I have a small group of mates from school I still see and go out with, I work in London and have a great social life and earning enough money to do what I want.
Basically however shitty things may be now, it will get better and like Genie said find a hobby or a club to join or a job where you can meet more people and get a wider social group.
The people bullying you at school are nothing. They delight in bullying you as it makes them feel big, and often only do it in front of other people. When they're on their own they're usually OK.
Ignore them, do your own thing and things will get better.
Again email me if you want a private chat.
but first im going to say more about the situation i was in as it may help some of you to understand more why i feel the way i said.
when i was being picked on i didnt know it was just other people being stupid/trying to have a laugh (as they say). I thought it was because there was something wrong with me. I began to hate myself and felt i was worthless (just what the bullies wanted to achieve), i used to go home after school and stay in all the time, i was never out after 6pm and used to feed my face out of boredom and comfort. Of course this starts the vicious cycle, i put on alot of weight and my esteem/self confidence went down and down. I was always good at school (better than the bullies at least) but that deterioated too (which is probably what the bullies wanted aswell). However, i did manage to do well enough to go on to university (i counted down the days at school where i would have the chance to leave and be free from the bullies). in the meantime i had lost alot of my childhood aswell as communicating with others and learning about other people. I just developed a bad/depressed/angry attitude towards people which just lead me into isolation again.
However this is where the cycle breaks:
* i don't care what people think about me, i am who i am and I will always be
* ive joined the TA on tuesday. this will help me meet people, make money, and get fit aswell.
* when i start uni in october im going to be a revolutionised character, i wont take shit from people anymore and im going to make an effort to make friends/forge relationships again.
*ive landed myself a job at the bank on tuesday past, this will help me to meet people on a "non threatining" environment and also break the long lonely days up.
This may sound stupid, but it is true. ever since reading all the messages you left me the truth somehow hit me in the head like a hammer and I went out the next day and sorted myself out.
Sometimes all people need is a good listener to give them the initiative and second opinion which can make a big difference in their life.
"sorry if that was all a bit long winded, but i couldnt put what i wanted to say in less words"
id like to talk with other people who can give me some help and also others who are in similar situations as together people can overcome anything, on their own there is little hope- trust me ive been there. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/redface.gif">)
my email ccsc25294@blueyonder.co.uk
Good for you dude, that's what I call positive action.
Its also really nice to have someone, not only take the advice people gave them and do something with it, but also update everyone and let us know how much u have changed the way u c life and friends etc etc.
Often we get people ask questions and we reply and they dont update us or let us know if they took anyones advice etc, its just really great to hear u b more positive and also taking the time to let everyone know how much things have changed instead of not replying at all...hope things continue to be good and u never feel crappy about life coz its not a fun way to be <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
AS FOR BEING ALONE THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE IN THE SAME WAY AS YOUR ARE SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT AND JUST CHILL.
LUV ME
It matters not who won or lost, but how you place the blame.
I`ve only had 1 girlfriend and I think that was probly just cos she was really the first person to show any interest in me (sounds bad I know).
My only advice is to try to socialise more. I don`t go out much but I get on very well with the people at work and am slowly coming out of my shell.
And don`t worry, just cos ure like that it doesn`t mean you`re gay, it just means you`re very wary of other people and by shutting yourself away from everyone else you`re taking away any opportunity for someone to take the piss or do something that could upset or humiliate you.
Just try to be more outgoing. It`ll be difficult at first but it will get easier. And maybe do a few things u wouldn`t normally do. But be warned there is the possibility of this blowing up in your face so only take this to heart if ure fairly confident it will turn out in your favor.
"Honesty is just an excuse for lack of imagination."
No, perhaps its your moronic attitude to women that means noone wants anything to do with you.
Treating women as 'objects' to be pulled is NOT the way to go about things, treat them as equals and people will find you more attractive. Yes, keep socialising, but dont go out with 'pulling targets', or else you will look desperate and disrespectful and will never find someone who will find your character attractive. Or at least not after one drunken snog in a club.
It matters not who won or lost, but how you place the blame.
My advice to shellfish though is to keep trying as only by keeping trying to get a girl will you get one and don't be put off by constant rejections. Most people are rejected about 20 to 40 times before they get a girl.
It matters not who won or lost, but how you place the blame.
I dont really have any freinds and all the timei get put down my people around me leaving me with low-confidence. I get depressed most of the time as its really hard watching people going out havin a good time wen i know that i dont have any proper freinds and no -one i can share my problems wiv.
I have had a few experiences with the opposite sex where either ive just been used or ive had no confidence which has resulted in me feeling even more low.
Its nice 2 know that im not the only 1 in your position. Even though constantly ive been put down and any hpes ive had have been shattered i still beleive that there hope 4 things 2 change. I really hope u feel like that as well.
I've only had 1 bf and like I said, it lasted 4 days...hardly impressive.
I'm saving myself now for somebody who means something and hopefully it'll be well worth the wait.
I suffer from clinical depression and by the looks of your post, you sound pretty down <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
If you ever want to talk, my Email is:
captain_spanner@hotmail.com
I know I can't understand everything you've been through, but I really know what it's like to be bullied.
In the mean time, maybe you could seek councilling or something. Trust me, you're not alone in this world.
Please take care,
Best wishes,
Sel xxx
"I see no vestage of a beginning, no sign of an end"
I recently moved to england away from all my friends, and came here with an attitude like, i don't want anymore friends, 'it'll soon be over' and for my first year here, it was almost dreadful, there were nights when i'd cry myself to sleep..
But i learnt that anyhing u want in life, you have to go get it yourself, coz there isn't always someone there to bring it to you...
I began to be more friendly towards people, and it was as if, being friendly makes you a people magnet... smiling also helps alot, even though you don't often feel like smiling, it makes you feel better... try it
Jus consider the fact of how many friends you jus made but posting this topic... u've got friends and you don't even know it ! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">