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Flirting with an older man...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, this is going to sound weird but please bear with me.
I'm 23, I work in a supermarket and there's this man that comes in every night to shop. He's probably in his mid-40's, but very good looking and friendly. He always stops to say hi/talk to everyone that works here, and usually spends quite a lot of time talking to me. It started off as the occasional hello, then he started asking about me, then moved onto asking if I was single and when I said I was, saying it's unbelievable that someone as pretty as me could be single (which to me, is a classic thing men say to get you into bed, but I guess he could just have been being friendly).
I don't mind the banter/flirting, and banter back to him, but up until now I haven't really flirted with him. I see no harm in flirting, and I usually have a bit of a light flirt with most people because we both know there's nothing in it. But this guy is much older, and I know he's married (he mentioned that the other day in a "oh, my wife and kids like that" (with a flick of his hand as if to brush aside the comment) kind of way, when I said I hated some food...can't really remember the details! lol). I'm a really flirty person, so it's hard for me to hold that side of myself back when he's talking to me, especially as he's so good looking (btw I don't want anything to happen between us; he's married and I'm not the type to have affairs), but I'm worried that if I flirt I'd make him uncomfortable or he'd take it the wrong way.
How can I tell if his flirtiness is just light flirting that doesn't mean anything, or if he fancies me (because if he likes me in 'that' way, obviously I'm not going to flirt with him!).
He always talks to me, and occasionally will say stuff like; (after staring at me intensely for a long time) "you've got really beautiful blue eyes", or "I bet you look good out of your uniform...really hot". Normally I'd make a joke or it and say something mildly flirty back, but I'm not sure if this guy means what he's saying, or if he's just flirting in a friendly kind of way.
Any help would be appreciated.
I'm 23, I work in a supermarket and there's this man that comes in every night to shop. He's probably in his mid-40's, but very good looking and friendly. He always stops to say hi/talk to everyone that works here, and usually spends quite a lot of time talking to me. It started off as the occasional hello, then he started asking about me, then moved onto asking if I was single and when I said I was, saying it's unbelievable that someone as pretty as me could be single (which to me, is a classic thing men say to get you into bed, but I guess he could just have been being friendly).
I don't mind the banter/flirting, and banter back to him, but up until now I haven't really flirted with him. I see no harm in flirting, and I usually have a bit of a light flirt with most people because we both know there's nothing in it. But this guy is much older, and I know he's married (he mentioned that the other day in a "oh, my wife and kids like that" (with a flick of his hand as if to brush aside the comment) kind of way, when I said I hated some food...can't really remember the details! lol). I'm a really flirty person, so it's hard for me to hold that side of myself back when he's talking to me, especially as he's so good looking (btw I don't want anything to happen between us; he's married and I'm not the type to have affairs), but I'm worried that if I flirt I'd make him uncomfortable or he'd take it the wrong way.
How can I tell if his flirtiness is just light flirting that doesn't mean anything, or if he fancies me (because if he likes me in 'that' way, obviously I'm not going to flirt with him!).
He always talks to me, and occasionally will say stuff like; (after staring at me intensely for a long time) "you've got really beautiful blue eyes", or "I bet you look good out of your uniform...really hot". Normally I'd make a joke or it and say something mildly flirty back, but I'm not sure if this guy means what he's saying, or if he's just flirting in a friendly kind of way.
Any help would be appreciated.
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Comments
I doubt he's being 100% serious, he isn't going to dump his wife and kids for you, but of course he's going to enjoy the game, and play as well as he can. What a confidence booster for him, some pretty young thing giving him the glad eye over the counter.
I think he's being somewhere between friendly and sexy. He'd never act on it, and you'd be a fool to act on it, but of course he wants to know if he's still got the old magic. I doubt you are going to make him run away, but just remember its only a game.
If he's doing it because he fancies me and wants to see if he *could* get me into bed, then I wouldn't flirt with him in case he gets the wrong impression.
But, if he's doing it for the reason most people flirt - for the attention, a confidence boost etc then that's fine with me, and I'll be my usual flirty self! Lol.
That make sense?
Btw I don't flirt at all with him - I say hi, ask how he is and if he starts saying stuff like "I'd love to see you out of your work uniform" then I usually smile then just get the hell away from him! Lol. (Not in an obvious way though).
I'll also have to agree that hes probably just after a bit of a confidence boost and its highly unlikely he will leave his family for you.
If you're not bothered then dont flirt with him its not that hard.
But with this guy, when he said that to me I didn't want to give him the wrong impression in case it made him feel uncomfortable, or he thought I fancied him or something.
By 'fllirting with him', I don't mean actively going over to him and touching his arm, flicking my hair or anything like that, I just mean I'm not sure how to respond to his mildly flirty comments. Lol.
Am I making any sense here?
'i bet you'd look hot out of your uniform' - how can you possibly make him feel uncomfortable by replying to that? i dont think it matters what you say he's not really got a leg to stand on if you make him upset by replying
I don't mind getting attention, and I love flirting - it passes time, gives you a confidence boost and all that; but if this guy is flirting in that way because he thinks he's gonna get some sex out of it, then I'm not gonna encourage that.
I'm very anti-affairs.
So in your opinion do you think he wants to get me into bed (or over the bonnet or his car! lol), or is it just 'light' flirting that doesn't mean anything? He doesn't always say stuff like the 'hot' comment everytime he comes in, soemtimes he says hi and asks if I'm ok, then I'll disappear and when I come back he'll just smile or whatever then say bye and carry on shopping. But other times, he's asked me something then when I look at him, he just keeps up eye contact (properly stares at me!) for ages, then says something like I have lovely eyes. Which to me, is a weird way to act.
I know I'm probably sounding thick/naive but humour me :rolleyes:
Oh, and how do I make it clear I'm not interested in him? I don't just want to come out and say "I don't fancy you", in case he isn't interested in me in 'that' way, and I look like a right lemon! lol.
If a customer was saying those things to me and I was saying them back (i.e. I bet you look hot out of a uniform) the sup. might not be best impressed. I've had some comments before and just used to laugh and go 'yea' or something.
That's why I'm a bit - I don't know its hard to explain...it just feels weird to flirt with him, but it doesnt feel right to just ignore him either.
I don't think he is, to be honest.
I think he's playing, just to see if he still has the magic. I think he's just testing himself, to see if he could do it, if he wanted to.
If it's just a game, as it sounds like it is, I would gently flirt back, but don't be too friendly. Flirting a little is fun, but if he looks like he's doing it too much, step back away from it all. You don't want to collect a stalker.
If you think you might be giving him the wrong idea tone it down a bit.
Otherwise I'd flirt and enjoy it.