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Friend's Ex

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
What's your opinion on the whole going out with friends' ex's thing?

A friend of mine has said that she's really into this guy, who's the ex of her friend (who also happens to be my friend - come on, keep up). Now they didn't go out for too long, about a month, but I know that the girl was absolutely gutted when they split up, because she said she'd fallen for him proper style, and she's still not over it a few months later. Now the other girl says she's gonna try and get with this guy, and he seems to be interested too. Am I wrong in thinking that it's a completely bitchy thing to do? I'm pretty sure she knows how gutted the other girl was when they broke up. Is it unreasonable for the first girl to expect her friend to ignore this guy even if she likes him?

Personally, I don't mess with a friend's ex at the best of times, never mind when I know my friends still into her, but I could maybe understand it if they'd really fallen for each other. Thought's please.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeh, surely that is guarenteed to end in tears.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not black and white, but it depends. I went out with a girl who my mate fancied (they never actually went out) but had to break it off because it didn't feel right doing that to my mate. But then again, I went out with this girl for 11 months and a month after we split she went out with my best mate :p. Mind you, I wasn't all that fussed.

    It does all depend. You say she's still not over him, so yea, probably a bit harsh. But then again, your friend should look after her own interests. She's single and she likes this guy. This guy is single and likes her. So why not? I probably wouldn't but I've always been a bit sensitive about relationships, I know some people will go out with anything :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophia wrote:
    However...I think it's a different matter entirely if they were head over heels in love with each other and really wanted to be together; in that case, I'd think the ex-girlfriend would just have to get on with it.
    I agree with that, though I don't think it's that serious, just more that they both fancy each other. But if it does happen, what does she do to get on with it? It's awkward because she's still friends with him as well, which I imagine hasn't helped her getting over him in the first place.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophia wrote:
    mainly because I couldn't stay in a mood for longer than five minutes.
    I find that hard to believe. :p

    Cheers. I guess it'll hurt for her for a while, but I'll tell her to try and put a brave face on it if they do end up getting together (and never think twice about fucking over that particular friend if the opportunity arises, but then I'm just mean like that).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not ideal but when people socialise in a group this kind of thing is bound to happen; I think a lot of the reactions depend on the time elapsed between the two relationships. For instance, I went out with my now-boyfriend's best friend years ago and it is a complete non-issue :angel: Admittedly there are some people who actively pursue different people within a friendship group and all their mates' exes with no thought to what effect that has, but they are the exception to the rule. Obviously there is usually a genuine attraction and - as unfair and inconvenient as it seems - I think we (collectively as humans) have to give everyone else a fair crack of the whip... at our ex-partners and at happiness in general ;) At least, that's the way I would try and see it.

    If they do get together then she'll have no choice but to put on the brave face and have a go at getting over it, as I'm guessing she doesn't want to lose both friendships (assuming she and her ex are still on friendly terms?) even if they are hurting her. It's a shitty situation though, I feel for the lass.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    On the other hand- yeah you shouldn't be underhanded and steal someone from some other person, no nasty tricks, but if it's all fair, why ruin someone elses chance of happiness? I would like to think that if my friend and i liked the same guy, if he liked her and not me, yeah i'd be a bit hurt n put out, but then i'd think nah if they're meant to be good for them. so i'd hope people would extend that sort of thinking to me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If they;ve fallen for each other hardcore then other people's feelings probably aren't going to factor into their endorphine and pheromone riddled brains.
    On the other point, i would go out with a friend's ex, but only if i was 100% certain she was over him. And i wouldn't be the girlfriend after her, if you see what i mean, i'd wait. It's less cruel, in my opinion.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Basically, I will tell a story that is the prob with my friends now, and thats my opinion on it.


    Frieda* and Corey* went out for 7 months or so. She "loved" him and he loved her. But she always lusted after his friends, bitched to us about him, was constantly going to break up with him etc.

    Katherine* and Corey* always had something between eachother. The 3 one time had a 3some, the suggestion of F. (which is a *lie*, but Katherine* is one of my besties and she told me).

    So more than a year later, K and C meet up at F's birthday party (a party party). Now, F has always said that K and C should go out, yet, they disappeared for 6 hours, did nothing but poking and hand job, but F thinks they had sex and now theres fighting.

    Now it was wrong for K to do it at the bday party, but F never loved him, she always pushed for them to get together, but now that K likes him and did stuff with him, F hates her guts.

    So i think in this situation, its ok to get with ex's if it was a short time, or they didnt care for eachother or they didnt care fullstop.

    But otherwise it causes too much trouble
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