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I hate him!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hiya guys,

Not been here for a while – kind of need some advice about my sister and her nasty piece of work boyfriend.

She has been with him 6 months and in that time he has argued with her constantly, has treated her like dirt but she loves him.

My mum and dad don’t like him much and the final straw came last month after they had split up. My sister was a state and I care very much about her so we went shopping. Having a good day and who does she see? That’s right the selfish ignorant pig of her ex :D been wanting to say that all day! He’s with his new bitches!

He looked so arrogant so I looked back at him – few minutes later my sister gets a message from the pig saying “tell your f***ing bitch of a sister to not give me evils”

So she gets upset that he is sending her messages like that gives me his number and tells me to get him to leave her alone – she is uncontrollably crying and can’t breathe so I call him and tell him to leave her alone, to stop sending nasty messages she doesn’t want to speak to him again, and if he continues to harass her I would contact the police.

He was shouting threats down the phone saying come on then bitch I’ll have you now come on I will have you slag. I said do what you like my fiancé and dad would protect me to which end he hung up like a coward, I was so scared I was shaking, I needed to sit down. I have asthma and his call affected me so much I felt dizzy and breathless, my sister clearly didn’t care that I had stuck up for her and started crying that he was her friend and I shouldn’t have called him (sorry woman you asked me!) – he then sent a text saying bring your dad on I can have him and you!

Week later I have a special day where I took over as national president of an organisation and wanted more than ever to have my little sister there for support but she was in fact having sex with him – completely forgetting the fact that I had stuck up for her, been threatened by him and abused by him

He stayed for a BBQ that night and I wanted to cry I felt so cared of him he just has an evil look on his face – should have contacted the police but left it as thought we wouldn’t have to see him again. I have constant nightmares that he is going to move in, that he is in our house while I’m asleep and kills me! Silly I know but I don’t feel safe around him.

Anyway they are back together and he is here all the time, I have been ill recently – told the nurse about the stress I’m under having IT around me we put that down to my illness but it wont go away.

If he walks into a room I leave he gives me nasty looks but I have to put up with it and look to move out with my fiancé as soon as we can afford it.

Anyway today I had a lecture by my mum telling me to change my attitude and grow up. I find this disgusting as she knows why I don’t like him – I feel its better to leave a room than to stay and get the nasty looks I get.

Still she told me to grow up leave him alone and when they (mum and dad) go on holiday I have to make the effort to get on with him. I have asked my fiancé to stay over to look out for me while he is there but I WILL NOT get on with him. My mum is now not allowing my fiancé to stay over for some reason – she is locking her bedroom door so that I can’t use it so he cant stay over!

I am scared of this dick, am starting to dislike my sister – don’t think I want her to be my bridesmaid anymore due to this and I just hope everyone soon comes to senses and realises why I hates him so! They know why but I want them to understand.

I have had prank calls and I am convinced they are from him but everyone sticks up for him saying he has an alibi (yeah my sister – whatever!) but it wouldn’t surprise me if he did do that!

What can I do?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like a prick alrite, but unless he's physically hit you or your sister then I think you just have to accept that he'll be a part of your life, for the time being anyway.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well he has slept at his ex's house when with my sister

    He goes out when he wants and is jealous when she goes out - he is a dick and I hope she realises soon. Not a nice guy she is smitten and will not listen her her sister - I am never gonna be there for her again - I can see how families can be split!

    Oh well lets hope everyone realises soon - if he could threaten me and my dad then i wonder what he is capable of with her. If she wants to be treated like a mug won't be long before he starts pushing her about abusing her! He is only with her so he can get a bit of sex.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *DEVIL* wrote:
    Well he has slept at his ex's house when with my sister

    He goes out when he wants and is jealous when she goes out - he is a dick and I hope she realises soon. Not a nice guy she is smitten and will not listen her her sister - I am never gonna be there for her again - I can see how families can be split!

    Oh well lets hope everyone realises soon - if he could threaten me and my dad then i wonder what he is capable of with her. If she wants to be treated like a mug won't be long before he starts pushing her about abusing her! He is only with her so he can get a bit of sex.
    does she know this? if so then its her own fault tbh. It's unlikely she'll listen. People don't tend to when they have a shit partner cause they're in denial. I've been there with a friend - she has a boyfriend who has her wrapped round his little finger - has said some awful things to us, slags her off behind her back but of course she won't listen. So just leave them to it. They'll realise eventually and will only have themsevles to blame.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    keep out of it devil. its not getting you anywhere, and tbh, its her business not yours, although i know its hard to sit back when someone you care about isnt being treated well, but theres not much else you can do. You just have to keep your nose out or you will lose your sister tbh.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think your best off taking a back seat for a while. im not sayin talk to him or anything, but dont blame your sister for this, she WILL see him for what he is eventually and when she does, she'll need you there to support her. ive been in a position like hers, and although people had told me what he was like, i wouldnt listen, but when i woke up to him and saw him for what he was, i had family and friends to support and she'll need the same. dont let him ruin your relationship with your sister. he'd love that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your sister has no dignity, horrible.

    What age are you both? Is he anywhere near your age, or is your sister/her bf considerably younger (I am asking if you'd have to be physically afraid of him). Tell you mother everything about the txt in the mall, the phone calls, the prank calls and that you DEMAND a reason why your fiancé can't stay over, because you feel intimidated by your sister boyfriend.

    Ask them why they come to his defense when they had reasons not to like him before the break-up.

    In the last resort, stay with your fiancé while your oldies are on vacation.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote:
    Your sister has no dignity, horrible.
    shes got no dignity? what about him?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    shes got no dignity? what about him?

    It was him who mistreated her and her sister in a way that's almost criminal, and she's going back to him!!

    You sister stands up for you, has a FIGHT WITH HIM FOR YOU, and she is going back to him?!?! Lets you look like an idiot.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote:
    It was him who mistreated her and her sister in a way that's almost criminal, and she's going back to him!!

    You sister stands up for you, has a FIGHT WITH HIM FOR YOU, and she is going back to him?!?! Lets you look like an idiot.

    I agree with you - and I too was in the same situation mum and dad have never liked my boyfriends - but none have been as bad as my sisters.

    I feel stupid for protecting her and would personally think that blood was thicker than water she has put him first - Knowing that he has threatened me. It easy to say stay away dont get involved me nice BUT i am involved i am being threatened!

    I am 21 she is 17 he is 18 so yeah - age doesn't matter he is a tall guy and i bet he could do something! its the fear of him being around me!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i agree with some of the others. you've done your bit now and i think they all know your opinions on the matter so you're just gonna have to be there for your sis if/when she needs you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if you could bring yourself to do it...maybe try being nice to him. not cos u like him, but just 2 piss him off+maybe strenthen your relationship with your sister. Maybe say "hi how are you? would u like a drink?" next time he comes round. Sit in the room and be all like "sooo, how was work??" make chit chat, your sis will think ur making the effort+i can guarentee it'll freak him out cos he'll be thinking "why the heck is she being so nice to me?"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with not negotiating w/ him. He's not worth the muscles you need to strain to work your jaw.

    Have a long talk with your parents. What kind of language he used with you, how he treated you etc. If your sister takes him in cover, then don't do so yourself.

    I don't know, if your parents recognise what 'danger' he is, he might be not allowed in the house again, which is a huge plus for you. Can you sleep over at your fiancé's?? It would be another plus if you can short-termed 'escape' to him, if her bf stays at your house.

    Tell your father what he said, "bring your father he can take the both of you." or something, I cannot believe your parents are going to ignore this. He's the kind of guy who is up, up and away when your sis get pregnant.

    DO SOMETHING, and if it has to be guerilla warfare.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what the hell would that acheive? What has it acheived so far?

    Tbh you cant be threatening to a guy and then complain when he takes you up on it. Its a bit much to expect to be protected just cos youre a girl. Try not to invite trouble in the first place. Your sister obviously likes the bloke, even if he is a nob.
    You are running a very real risk of just pushing them into each others arms, because blood very rarely is thicker than water where love is concerned.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i would agree with an earlie post, be nice to him, itll get to him. then when hes not suspectin it, eyedrops into his drink... that should gibe you a smile on your face. he cant exactly blame that on you, he mont even notice the taste, and it should quieten him for awhile. you could even do this everyday he stays and he'll be none the wiser, just a bit of poetic justice, he shopuldnt be threatening a girl, even if he was threatened first.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmm tough one, if i were in your position i'd wait til your parents go away and then get your fiance to sort him out tbh, i know if my g/f was being intimidated by another bloke i wouldn't have to think twice........failing that all you can do is keep pointing out to your sis what a jerk he is, but like scc says it could backfire if she really is that smitten.........i would try and have a quiet word with her and make it clear how much he's upsetting you, if she doesn't come round then just avoid the pair of them.......easier said than done mind.

    ETA: failing all that there is the eyedrop solution........?? :confused:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmm tough one, if i were in your position i'd wait til your parents go away and then get your fiance to sort him out tbh

    tbh no.

    that's just resorting to his level and asking for more trouble.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tbh no.

    that's just resorting to his level and asking for more trouble.

    some people only understand one language tbh, the guy sounds like he's got a big mouth and the loudest ones are usually just that, all mouth.......i'm not advocating violence, just make a point like.......
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    eyedrops in drink=quick diarrhattic
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    doomdog wrote:
    eyedrops in drink=quick diarrhattic
    Yeah I'm sure it is but however tempting it may be to do that it's not really the best thing to do.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Blood is thicker than water. But then again, fools in love do whatever they think is right. I can vouch for that, as I was one. All you can do is be there for her when things fall apart. But on the other side, your mum should at least give you some suport - he should at least apologise to you for threatening you.

    Families suck sometimes when they abandon ya. Stay with your fiance for the week, have a chill out and leave them to each other. Give your sister your fiances number if she needs to get in touch with you but otherwise treat yourself to a holiday. Forget about that idiot and just.. chill. You deserve to be happy you know, and you shouldn't sacrifice your own happiness for your sister when it seems clear she doesn't want your help. Just be there when the time comes - it's all you can do :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Does he have a car and you a key?

    :chin:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would step right back out of it all, tbh.

    But I would be looking at your parents to be giving you a bit more support- if he's been abusive and threatening to you he shouldn't be in your house.

    He sounds like a proper cunt alright, but there ain't much you can do. So don't try to do anything. Your sister is being a typical teenage girl, lapping up the attention like a puppy, just leave her to it and ignore her too. I know its hard, but ignore that cunt, and ignore your stupid sister's attention seeking crises.

    Doing something back to him isn't a very good idea.
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