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slept with my best male mate

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Right guys looking for some advice here. The thing is I slept with my best male mate this afternoon . I wouldn’t say I am regretting it but I don’t want it to affect our friendship. We were both clear after that we are both in no situation to go into a relationship with each other however if the time was better we would.. He’s just finished with his girlfriend. And I not so long back had a load of trouble with my ex and also not long came out of a difficult relationship. So it would be unfair for us both to jump into another one and it prob would ruin a perfectly good friendship if we were to go out with each other now.. Witch I am okay with the thing I am worried about is wondering if it is going to affect out friendship and what to say to him. And our sort of working relationship we both help out in a youth centre wondering if that would effect it.

Just after some advice thanks guys :)

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He’s just finished with his girlfriend.

    This could be a problem I feel.

    Things will certainly be more awkward, you just don't let these things slide from memory. At least you talked about it afterwards, I personally don't know what to do as this situation has never arised in my life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    was the sex good?
    if so, as you were...
    :)
    Nothing wrong with a bit of fun, as long as that's what both of you want/need at the moment...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Right guys looking for some advice here. The thing is I slept with my best male mate this afternoon . I wouldn’t say I am regretting it but I don’t want it to affect our friendship. We were both clear after that we are both in no situation to go into a relationship with each other however if the time was better we would.. He’s just finished with his girlfriend. And I not so long back had a load of trouble with my ex and also not long came out of a difficult relationship. So it would be unfair for us both to jump into another one and it prob would ruin a perfectly good friendship if we were to go out with each other now.. Witch I am okay with the thing I am worried about is wondering if it is going to affect out friendship and what to say to him. And our sort of working relationship we both help out in a youth centre wondering if that would effect it.

    Just after some advice thanks guys :)

    fuck, how came it to that. you have to tell me each detail. Did he make the step, was there sexual tension a while before? I need to know!

    anyways, I think it's pretty cool, but might really affect the friendship. always be on clear ground what both of you want. If you were best mates before a relationship does not sound so bad, although you should really agree that it's really that what you both want (since as migpilot said, sex under that circumstances could be summed up as "a bit of fun".), because there might be a friendship at stack!
  • JsTJsT TheSite Graduate Posts: 18,265 Incredible Poster
    StrubbleS wrote:
    fuck, how came it to that. you have to tell me each detail. Did he make the step, was there sexual tension a while before? I need to know!

    No you don't need to know.

    Stop perving.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    JsT wrote:
    No you don't need to know.

    Stop perving.
    tbh :eek2:
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    the thing I am worried about is wondering if it is going to affect out friendship and what to say to him. And our sort of working relationship we both help out in a youth centre wondering if that would effect it.

    Just after some advice thanks guys :)

    As long as you are completely honest and open with each other (which it sounds as if you are being) then any awkwardness between you should only be fleeting rather than continual. In terms of work, the fact that you have bonded will probably mean you work well as a team, and there's no reason why problems should occur in the work place if you are clear about your relationship outside. It will also probably be a good idea to agree to keep your relationship confidential between you so that you don't have any work colleagues sniffing around :) .

    Next time you are alone, perhaps broach the question "where do we go from here?" in a way that feels comfortable to you. If everything falls into place and you feel natural around each other, then you might not even need to - so it's probably worth seeing each other face to face before making a decision.

    As Migpilot said:
    Nothing wrong with a bit of fun, as long as that's what both of you want/need at the moment...

    So I know it's easier said than done, but try to relax and enjoy the memories of the experience for what it was.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    JsT wrote:
    No you don't need to know.

    Stop perving.

    what the fuck, seriously. Thought about that I am maybe in a similar situation, that there some kind of tension between me and my (on and off) best friend, which is even brought up in different posts of mine in different threads?

    Quit being such a dick, forum badass.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote:
    Quit being such a dick, forum badass.

    Oh shut up and go away you silly little boy.

    As for the OP, just take it slowly. If it was just fun, and you knew it was, then enjoy the feelings and the memories and leave it at that. But if, really, you both do want more, I don't see why you shouldn't go for it. The idea of leaving it before dating someone else doesn't need to be followed religioously- not every relationship started after a split is a bad rebound that will fizzle in weeks.
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    StrubbleS wrote:
    what the fuck, seriously. Thought about that I am maybe in a similar situation, that there some kind of tension between me and my (on and off) best friend, which is even brought up in different posts of mine in different threads?

    Quit being such a dick, forum badass.

    Ok, so you might not be a perve, but the way you asked did sound intrusive tbh and not really appropriate in context. The thread isn't about the OP telling all the details, it was about asking for advice on where to take the relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **Helen** wrote:
    Ok, so you might not be a perve, but the way you asked did sound intrusive tbh and not really appropriate in context. The thread isn't about the OP telling all the details, it was about asking for advice on where to take the relationship.

    yeah, that's maybe right. But if my intention really was to get a sick kind of gratification out of that, I wouldn't have it let sounded like that and/or took it to PM. Other members might be in a similar situation, since it's not uncommong for a single male to fall for his friend. I might have been offtopic with that, I did also contribute however.

    some people think just cuz they are longer around that they friggin own that place.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It depends what kind of personalities you both have because sometimes friends can sleep with each other and be perfectly ok still being friends but sometimes it just makes things akward.

    How long have you been friends with this guy?
  • littlemissylittlemissy knit chick Posts: 9,972
    StrubbleS wrote:
    yeah, that's maybe right. But if my intention really was to get a sick kind of gratification out of that, I wouldn't have it let sounded like that and/or took it to PM. Other members might be in a similar situation, since it's not uncommong for a single male to fall for his friend. I might have been offtopic with that, I did also contribute however.

    some people think just cuz they are longer around that they friggin own that place.

    No they don't. You sounded like a dirty pervert who was looking to get their kicks out of all the details of this guys sexual encounter with his mate. If, indeed, you were looking for the above, you could've phrased it much better to indicate this, instead of making us think that you were going to jerk off to all the gory details.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote:
    what the fuck, seriously. Thought about that I am maybe in a similar situation, that there some kind of tension between me and my (on and off) best friend, which is even brought up in different posts of mine in different threads?

    Quit being such a dick, forum badass.
    well start your own thread then.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No they don't. You sounded like a dirty pervert who was looking to get their kicks out of all the details of this guys sexual encounter with his mate. If, indeed, you were looking for the above, you could've phrased it much better to indicate this, instead of making us think that you were going to jerk off to all the gory details.

    And therefore I make it sound so perfectly obvious. :lol: , because I was so horny already, that I couldn't hide my urges anymore! !!!

    well, ok.

    Let's quit this. This is hilarity pure.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If it felt right ; then I don't see any harm in it.
    You just may feel odd around eachother ; I'm sure it'll ease over though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for all the replies guys :)


    yeah i suppose we just got to take things slow. i think in the end we both seen it as a bit of fun witch i am fine with

    saw him today an he was a little quiet at first. i think he was worried how i would be with him but after about half hour he was exactly the same as he always is . i just acted like normal after once we had 5 Min's on our own he said i was worried about seeing you because i thought you would be funny. but i just said no it was fun nothing more. then he was like good. i didn't want it to ruin our friendship. then gave me a big hug.

    so yeah everything seems to be going okay
    you have to tell me each detail. Did he make the step, was there sexual tension a while before? I need to know!

    well yeah i suppose there was. people have asked us before if we were going out. so in a way yeah

    but no i suppose we were both having a moan to each other about past relationships and then it happened.

    tbh i don't really know how but it did
  • JsTJsT TheSite Graduate Posts: 18,265 Incredible Poster
    StrubbleS wrote:
    what the fuck, seriously. Thought about that I am maybe in a similar situation, that there some kind of tension between me and my (on and off) best friend, which is even brought up in different posts of mine in different threads?

    Quit being such a dick, forum badass.
    Funny how most other people on here thought the same as I did - they must all be 'forum badasses' as well eh?

    Give it a rest.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for all the replies guys :)



    well yeah i suppose there was. people have asked us before if we were going out. so in a way yeah

    but no i suppose we were both having a moan to each other about past relationships and then it happened.

    tbh i don't really know how but it did

    Sounds great that a friendship finally prevails, I still think tho that this all end up in a bit of inequilibrium where one - to say it in your words - "misses the fun" more as the other. Often times it's the boy. Maybe let him know that he can always tackle the topic if he has thoughts about it, etc.

    If it's without any smudges possible to lead a friendship, then I think this is something that really strenghtens it. Like knowing someone both physically and metally so good, that there aren't any embarrassments anymore.

    Like I mentioned earlier I was interested, because I am in a somewhat not dissimilar situation with a girl I was nearly together in 2003. It's a "you can't be with the person, you can't be without the person"-thing, since we quarreled a lot some time ago and at times fought so hard that we said (and meant) stuff like, "fuck that, get out of my life." and did not talk for 6 months (being the longest), until someone refreshed the contact. Whenever we get friends again it's even stronger and more tightfisted as if we never abused our others trusts. Lately there was a real tension in the air and generally a lot of being touchy and broken taboos, even tho there was technically no cheating going on (she's with a boyfriend).

    Anyway, how long do you know said friend? (If I may ask that without JsT thinking I am going to have a wank over it.)

    cheers.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    we known each other for about a year
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