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Don't like sex
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Its pretty self explanatory really. I'm not sure what to do about it. Had sex with the bf for the first time in about 3 months last night (we've been together about 2 years) and I absolutely hated it, cried afterwards and everything. I make all excuses possible, love having the excuse of my period and just don't like it. Sometimes I try, for his sake, but I hate it and usually can't go through with it. I don't know what o do about it, I hate feeling like I can't satisfy him because of my own disgust with myself. Any ideas what I can do about it?
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Can you not stand to be intimate with him, is this how it has always been from the start of the relationship?
I don't know. I just feel sort of horrible for doing it, like I shouldn't. That and I don't like how I look, thats an issue too I guess. I spend half my time trying to avoid being undressed in front of him, which can be hard as we live together.
We used to be really intimate, 3 times a day kind of type at the beginning, but it just isn't like that any more.
Set the mood right, soft lighting, nice music, a romantic evening together doing nice things for each other and take things softly and slowly with lots of foreplay
The tv is usually on for me, it drowns out the noise
Do you think it could be possibly a psychological problem?
It's like 20 questions
I'm not on anti-depressants, but I'm on the pill, have been for around 3 and 1/2 years. They changed it from Ovranette to Microgynon 30 last year, but its the same thing under a different brand name (or so I was told by 1 doctor and one nurse) so I don't know if it makes any difference or not.
Iv'e been on Microgynon 30 for nearly 2 years and it's never had an affect on me when it comes to sex.
Sorry for bothering. Find your own fucking answers.
Hey, i'm sorry, i was only saying it light heartedly, i mean i was asking enough.
Have you had a bad day?
Not saying it is, just talking from experience.
So you haven't had sex for a while, but have you been doing other things like foreplay, massages etc? It could be a good idea to go right back to square one, as if you'd just entered the relationship, and take it really slowly, not going past where you feel comfortable. I guess the other question would be, are you happy masturbating by yourself, or is it a complete lack of sex drive?
I assume you've talked to him about it? If he's putting pressure on you to perform it does really make it much worse, speaking from experience. How is he reacting to all of this?
As for the confidence issues, if you've been together two years and you live together he obviously likes what he sees. Perhaps it would be worth getting some nice underwear though, so you don't have to strip completely? Maybe a nice basque and then some suspenders and stockings that you can keep on during sex, so you don't feel naked. If you're constantly worrying about how you look to him, then you aren't going to enjoy a second of it.
I think, but I'm not sure, that another good one is to stand infront of a full length mirror and basically just look at your body, picking out the good bits and then accepting the whole of it, bit by bit if that's what it takes.
What the heck? You have been 3 years with him, and there was no problem in the beginning. If you are not even now comfy with him seeing you naked get either a new partner or seek professional help in form of therapy, because there is obviously somethings not o.k. with you. (without wanting to sound condescending).
Make a list what do YOU think is the problem? Are you stressed out? any meds or maybe the pill (had that already so far in this thread), are you fighting a lot? any other changes with your body, or your alignment towards him? Give us some clues.
My thoughts too!
For whatever reason, your feelings about sex are NOT normal. Either the pill (or other medications) are affecting you OR you have developed some deep rooted phobia against sexual intimacy.
You really ought to see your doctor or someone in a sexual health clinic perhaps. I am sure that with the right investigation, this can be resolved.
I just dont know what happened. After a year together i became depressed and took medication. That could have been a reason, but 2 years later and it was still the same.
I had sexual feelings for another person so that says it must have been i didnt want sex with him and i dont know why.
Nothing seemed to change, we tried, but he got annoyed at me eventually, so i ended it.
Hi there, it sounds like you may well benefit from talking to a sexual health advisor about your situation.
We do have an article on sex therapy but I'm well aware that it can be a tough thing to think about, so talking to your GP, or a sexual health advisor may be a good first step.
It's also a good idea to try and be open with your boyfriend about how you're feeling, as he may well be feeling insecure and unsure where he stands - the following askTheSite Q&A may throw some light on the issue. Being open and honest with each other may also help with your problem.
Good luck
who the hell says you have to like sex?
why is something wrong with you if you don't like it?
Within the past year, everytime I seemed to have sex it was really painful (don't know if that's the case with you?) - and it went to the point where I ab dreaded having sex! It wasn't that I didn't love my partner, its just that I hated having sex and like yourself - I kept on making petty excuses to get out of it!
In the end I gave up, and made an appt to see my doc. He suggested for me to go off the pill (I was having the injection type) as it can lower a woman's sex-drive and make it v dry down there - and that's why it was so painful (if you know what I mean?!). So I went off the pill about 3 months ago, and sex doesn't seem to be as painful and I don't mind it as much as what I used to - but to be honest, at this point in time, I still wouldn't have sex if I could get away with it! But hopefully my sex-drive will improve soon.
If you are on the pill, I would really advise you to go to your doc and have a chat, explain that you have no sex drive and if there are any other source of contraception you could use. He also suggested counselling on our sex life, and although it wasn't for us, it might be suitable for you?
As embarassing as it may seem, I would make an appt to see your doc or nurse asap - just in case its something more serious.
Hope I have been of some help to you, but trust me - your not alone! Its nice to hear someone else experiencing the same problem!