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Is my relationship coming to an end?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is going to be a bit of an epic, so please bear with me...
I've been with my g/f for over a year and a half, but for the last 6 months i've been feeling very insecure with our relationship. It started when she told me she didn't think she loved me and was considering leaving me (I posted about this back in January). Since then i've just been pretty worried that she doesn't want to be with me and have just had no faith in us staying together.
She has a lot of issues with communication and I've never felt really comfortable talking to her about problems I have with the relationship. I bottled them up, until one day (about a month ago) I told her all my worries (I also posted about this). This didn't go well at all, and promted her to say she didn't know if she wanted to be with me anymore, that I obviously had too many problems with her and she had a lot of problems with me.
As is turned out, her problems with me was that I don't like some (and I mean about 3 or 4!!) of the same films and TV programmes as her, I don't like beach holidays in the sun and that I often get upset when she talks about how sexy, gorgeous etc. other blokes are around me. (I don't mind her finding other people attractive, I just don't want to be told about it!)
Anyway, we are still together but as you can imagine, it's pretty much hell for me not knowing if she really loves me or wants to be with me. The reasons she gave a month ago seem pretty lame reasons to break up with someone.
It's got to the point where i'm scared of mentioning anything to her that might upset her. One of the problems I had with her, is that I stayed over hers a while back, and at the end of her bed was a teddy bear holding a big heart that she told me was from an ex. I said that I wasn't particularly over the moon she still had it, but I was pretty pissed off that she expected me to sleep in a bed with that there. I asked her to just put it away while I was staying over, and this caused huge problems. Anyway, we're due to go on holiday next week, and due to an early flight, I was supposed to be staying over at hers, but I don't want to sleep there with the bear (it may sound stupid, but it just seems like a bit of a kick in the teeth to have this huge reminder of her past love in front of me while i'm trying to sleep). I know if I ask her to move it away then it's going to cause big problems, and it will end up ruining the holiday, so I just said that I thought I better stay at home instead. Despite this being really awkward and adding another hour onto hour journey time, I just thought it was worth it.
Thinking about it though, being in this situation where I can't talk to her is ridiculous, but i'm just too scared to.
More problems have arisen today (which I won't go into as this post is already very long) which has resulted in her ignoring my texts and e-mails. I tried calling her but she was very off with me and then made excuses that she had to go. And I think this maybe the last straw... I don't want to end things with her because I love her dearly, I just don't think the feeling is mutual. Also, I jsut don't want to be in a relationship where I have to hide my feelings.
I'm jsut so confused and don't know what to do!
I've been with my g/f for over a year and a half, but for the last 6 months i've been feeling very insecure with our relationship. It started when she told me she didn't think she loved me and was considering leaving me (I posted about this back in January). Since then i've just been pretty worried that she doesn't want to be with me and have just had no faith in us staying together.
She has a lot of issues with communication and I've never felt really comfortable talking to her about problems I have with the relationship. I bottled them up, until one day (about a month ago) I told her all my worries (I also posted about this). This didn't go well at all, and promted her to say she didn't know if she wanted to be with me anymore, that I obviously had too many problems with her and she had a lot of problems with me.
As is turned out, her problems with me was that I don't like some (and I mean about 3 or 4!!) of the same films and TV programmes as her, I don't like beach holidays in the sun and that I often get upset when she talks about how sexy, gorgeous etc. other blokes are around me. (I don't mind her finding other people attractive, I just don't want to be told about it!)
Anyway, we are still together but as you can imagine, it's pretty much hell for me not knowing if she really loves me or wants to be with me. The reasons she gave a month ago seem pretty lame reasons to break up with someone.
It's got to the point where i'm scared of mentioning anything to her that might upset her. One of the problems I had with her, is that I stayed over hers a while back, and at the end of her bed was a teddy bear holding a big heart that she told me was from an ex. I said that I wasn't particularly over the moon she still had it, but I was pretty pissed off that she expected me to sleep in a bed with that there. I asked her to just put it away while I was staying over, and this caused huge problems. Anyway, we're due to go on holiday next week, and due to an early flight, I was supposed to be staying over at hers, but I don't want to sleep there with the bear (it may sound stupid, but it just seems like a bit of a kick in the teeth to have this huge reminder of her past love in front of me while i'm trying to sleep). I know if I ask her to move it away then it's going to cause big problems, and it will end up ruining the holiday, so I just said that I thought I better stay at home instead. Despite this being really awkward and adding another hour onto hour journey time, I just thought it was worth it.
Thinking about it though, being in this situation where I can't talk to her is ridiculous, but i'm just too scared to.
More problems have arisen today (which I won't go into as this post is already very long) which has resulted in her ignoring my texts and e-mails. I tried calling her but she was very off with me and then made excuses that she had to go. And I think this maybe the last straw... I don't want to end things with her because I love her dearly, I just don't think the feeling is mutual. Also, I jsut don't want to be in a relationship where I have to hide my feelings.
I'm jsut so confused and don't know what to do!
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Comments
It would bug me too tbh. It's not the teddy that matters its that she knows it bothers you but does nothing about it.
I will be honest, it sounds like your relationship has run it's course.
No not really.
That's one of the problems, the more she gets angry with any negative feelings I have, and the more she keeps threatening to leave me the more insecure I get and the more I have these feelings. It's a vicious circle, and the only way to break it is to leave her, or for her to be a bit more understanding, but I just don't think the later is going to happen.
Sounds to me like your pussyfooting around to prevent schoolgirl tantrums.
That shouldnt be the way it is, if she wants to give criticism then she should be able to take it.
I'd probably give her an ultimatum, she sounds so childish and needs to grow up and realise the world doesnt revolve around *her*
sure you can muddle on with this relatiosnhip but are you really as happy as you think you could be?
No i'm not, I know I could (and have been) happpier, but like most people in this situation, I always think it could get better and I really don't want to loose her because I do love her.
Sounds pretty pathetic really (on my part that is...)
Blahs pretty much hit the nail on the head. She says she doesn't want to be with you...but stays. You're her little puppet and she's got you right where she wants you. If i was staying at my boyfriends and he had something up from an ex and wouldnt put it away - i'd be well annoyed.
Seriously - get some backbone and break the cycle. Loving someone isn't enough tbh.
it's not pathetic at all but how long are you willing to think 'it could get better..' for?
Went through something similar with my ex. She could wind me up as much as she wanted. And I spent the whole time worrying I'd done something to upset her. Wasn't good at all.
Looking back 3 months later, I've gotta say that I'm much better off rid. Forget how pretty she is, how good she is in bed. I've now decided the most important thing in my future relationships is whether the girl does my head in.
If you do want to stay with her, you've got to get control back. I'd tell her you want a break. Take some time away from her. You'll be able to think more clearly, decide what you really want.
:thumb: