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Is he a threat?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So there is this guy at work who gets along with my girlfriend. We all work at the same place and get along although neither of us see him outside work although he regularly invite groups of people to parties although we've never gone. This guy is a known womaniser, he sleeps with multiple people while he is with or without a girlfriend and is a constant flirt.
Now problems arose when he told my girlfriend about a house party, she was unsure as she was going to check with me so he used the opportunity to give her his phone number so they could text about the party even though he would see us both more than once in the next week. So she tells me this and although I find this dodgy I let it go because it could of well been just friends but I warn her to be aware of any texts the next day as I have noticed he likes her.
Sure enough the next morning he texts her asking what she is doing that day and despite my repeated warning, as she is convinced he just wants to be friends, she responds. He then texts back asking her to meet him as he is bored as his housemates are away. Despite my further warning she goes as like me she likes to give people a chance. Now she tells me that they just chat and he tells her about his past girlfriends and how he is misunderstood and does not know where his bad rep comes from even though he is known to have cheated on many women.
Now when she told me, I got, i felt understandably, upset that she would do this as surely it encourages him. Now there has been the long heart to heart and my gf is obviously upset as now she feels upset that she may be giving off the wrong signals and can't trust her friends. She has no intention of cheating of me but just feels slightly betrayed by this guy because she does not know his intentions.
So am I wrong here? Is it unreasonable to want my gf to stop all contact outside of work with a guy who is a known womaniser, who gave her his number for a reason and then text to meet her on her own the day after even though they are casual work friends who have never met up otherwise?
Is it also unreasonable to be upset that she even went?
To me it seems a blatent break of decency and even guy code, if that exists, to make a move on a girl that not only do you know has a bf but also work with?
Now problems arose when he told my girlfriend about a house party, she was unsure as she was going to check with me so he used the opportunity to give her his phone number so they could text about the party even though he would see us both more than once in the next week. So she tells me this and although I find this dodgy I let it go because it could of well been just friends but I warn her to be aware of any texts the next day as I have noticed he likes her.
Sure enough the next morning he texts her asking what she is doing that day and despite my repeated warning, as she is convinced he just wants to be friends, she responds. He then texts back asking her to meet him as he is bored as his housemates are away. Despite my further warning she goes as like me she likes to give people a chance. Now she tells me that they just chat and he tells her about his past girlfriends and how he is misunderstood and does not know where his bad rep comes from even though he is known to have cheated on many women.
Now when she told me, I got, i felt understandably, upset that she would do this as surely it encourages him. Now there has been the long heart to heart and my gf is obviously upset as now she feels upset that she may be giving off the wrong signals and can't trust her friends. She has no intention of cheating of me but just feels slightly betrayed by this guy because she does not know his intentions.
So am I wrong here? Is it unreasonable to want my gf to stop all contact outside of work with a guy who is a known womaniser, who gave her his number for a reason and then text to meet her on her own the day after even though they are casual work friends who have never met up otherwise?
Is it also unreasonable to be upset that she even went?
To me it seems a blatent break of decency and even guy code, if that exists, to make a move on a girl that not only do you know has a bf but also work with?
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Comments
The guy sounds like a complete twat. IMO anyone who makes a move on someone they know has a boyfriend is scum, unless they have a very good excuse (i.e. they're in love with them or something). But you can't tell your girlfriend who she can and can't see. Don't worry, she'll find out what he's like sooner or later. All you need to do is make sure that you don't turn into a jealous possessive boyfriend and push her into his arms, which is just the type of thing I'm sure he's hoping you do. I know a few girls who would hang out with someone just as friends, even though it's fairly obvious that the guy wants more.
Just don't be too harsh with your girlfriend, if you have a hard fight with her... well I dunno, I guess women love to get solace from other men then...
If your girlfriend is trustworthy and he makes a move on her, she will probably/hopefully tell him to get screwed and that's the end of your troubles.
This is typical of the womaniser loser type...ohhh I'm sooooo misunderstood...ohhh everybody says I'm a monster...and then starts to cry sometimes and reaches the girl he's been whining to for comfort....Definitely not trust that guy...it doesn't matter what his true intentions are...this is your girl, you're not gonna risk losing her...then again if you tell her that would mean you feel insecure about her love...like you don't trust her...then you'll hurt her a lot more.
If you're really sure she won't cheat then you have to let her be friends with him if she wants...and all the time she spends with him, be afraid he tries something nasty...
Strubbles is right...if you love a woman...and someone's tries a move on her, you have to trust her...but if your woman tries a move on another man, there's nothing you can do about it because she doesn't love you. So if you believe that she loves you, then trust her.
Arrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh! It still makes me mad :mad: can't you pay someone to kill that guy and bury his corpse somewhere?
Of course you cant ACTUALLY stop someone from doing whatever the hell they want, but it sounds to me like this girl is naive a bit mainly cos of this statement MOST blokes dont know the MEANING of platonic friendships. They pretend to be friends but what they want is to get into a girls knickers, and if they cant, they settle for friendship. You do get SOME blokes that are perfectly capable of platonic friendship, but call me cynical in my old age, but experience has taught me, that they are few and far between.
If a guy makes you feel uncomfortable because you cant quite put your finger on whether he fancies you or not, then chances are, he probably does, even if he says he doesnt.
If a guy is safe and likes you for just being you, then you can tell it a mile off.
Trust your intuition.
ITA
I don't reckon you can win either way. If you say something, you'll be jealous/possessive/not trust her. If you don't say anything, you don't care about her enough. I guess you'll have to judge which one is likely to be the response your girlfriend would like.
Oh and agreed about the womanising bloke type. It's always "no-one really understands me" and "I'm not really that type of bloke" all the while trying to guess what colour underwear you've got on.
If that doesn't work beat the crap out of him that way in any case you are sure he wont be a threat...
:yes:
As SCC said, blokes who genuinely want to develop a platonic relationship with women are few and far between. This guy certainly doesn't sound like one of those few to me. Word in his earhole, definitely.
Who knows what shes doing when you're not around. sure i'm going to get some stick for this but tbh ive never come accross a girl who doesnt lie to their bf and i know a hell of a lot of people who have cheated on their partners without their partners finding out. just a thought.
I think this is about right.
Normally I'd say back off and don't be so scared, but I think he is trying it on with her, and I don't think its appropriate.
I wouldn't ban her from seeing him or making contact with him, but he obviously wants something from her, and she is either being incredibly naive or she knows what he's trying to do and doesn't mind it.
I don't blame the girl at all, really, she should be allowed to be with whoever she wants to be, and its the bloke who is hitting on a girl who he KNOWS has a boyfriend. That is totally out of order, and a few words probably wouldn't go amiss. He is being a dodgy little twat, as Skive says, and its important to tell him to fuck off.
Blokes who genuinely want platonic friendships are blokes who already have someone else in their life that they love more. And that's not meant as an insult (especially as I'm platonically friendly with a few people on here...)
tell your girl that you think hes up to no good, but then tell her that you respect her judgement and trust her completely, sounds like she may need to find out for herself what hes after,