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Disturbed
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm not so sure where to start but I'm basically so disturbed by my father and my brothers.
A few years ago I came across a text message on my father's mobile, really disturbing ones, one which I can, unfortunately, remember rather clearly, went along the lines of 'i called your office earlier but you weren't in, i'm just thinking of you, masturbating, want to spend another night with you' I thought that maybe it was from my mum because at that time, for some reason I thought it would be less disturbing and upsetting if it was from her, but the sender just came up as a number, which was not mum's, and at that point my mum didn't even know how to use a mobile. I'm 17 now and was 14 at the time and I still can't let go of that. I didn't confront anyone about it cos I didn't want to hurt anyone. I have quite a difficult relationship with my father and whenever I remember the message I just want to cut off all contact with him.
About an hour ago, I opened up my dressing table drawer and found a book. I opened it and found a conversation between my younger brother and his friend about how they wanted to have sex with these girls, how they were going to lure the girls into the room, what they were going to do with them. My younger brother is 11. Am I right to find this highly disturbing? The conversation spanned 3 pages.
I am also certain that my older brother (18 years) has been downloading and going onto porn sites on the computer, which is normal but when I opened up limewire and looked at the video library after downloading some music videos, I saw some terrifying videos that had been downloaded, mostly because the titles implied very young girls, '11 yr old rides the c**k.' among them.
I wish I never stumbled across these things. I know sex is normal, porn is normal. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we do have sex, but I just can't comprehend my father and my brothers. I can't look them in the eye and I avoid them as much as I can. I apologise if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill as such but I'm very sensitive towards the meaning of sex, the abuse of it. I was sexuall abused 2 years ago and as the the main 'men' in my life, I feel so let down and hurt. I know there's probably nothing I can do about any of what my brothers/father has done/is doing, but, well, I don't know I just feel so lost right now.
A few years ago I came across a text message on my father's mobile, really disturbing ones, one which I can, unfortunately, remember rather clearly, went along the lines of 'i called your office earlier but you weren't in, i'm just thinking of you, masturbating, want to spend another night with you' I thought that maybe it was from my mum because at that time, for some reason I thought it would be less disturbing and upsetting if it was from her, but the sender just came up as a number, which was not mum's, and at that point my mum didn't even know how to use a mobile. I'm 17 now and was 14 at the time and I still can't let go of that. I didn't confront anyone about it cos I didn't want to hurt anyone. I have quite a difficult relationship with my father and whenever I remember the message I just want to cut off all contact with him.
About an hour ago, I opened up my dressing table drawer and found a book. I opened it and found a conversation between my younger brother and his friend about how they wanted to have sex with these girls, how they were going to lure the girls into the room, what they were going to do with them. My younger brother is 11. Am I right to find this highly disturbing? The conversation spanned 3 pages.
I am also certain that my older brother (18 years) has been downloading and going onto porn sites on the computer, which is normal but when I opened up limewire and looked at the video library after downloading some music videos, I saw some terrifying videos that had been downloaded, mostly because the titles implied very young girls, '11 yr old rides the c**k.' among them.
I wish I never stumbled across these things. I know sex is normal, porn is normal. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we do have sex, but I just can't comprehend my father and my brothers. I can't look them in the eye and I avoid them as much as I can. I apologise if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill as such but I'm very sensitive towards the meaning of sex, the abuse of it. I was sexuall abused 2 years ago and as the the main 'men' in my life, I feel so let down and hurt. I know there's probably nothing I can do about any of what my brothers/father has done/is doing, but, well, I don't know I just feel so lost right now.
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Comments
I'd probably leave your older bother alone. He's old enough to make his own mistakes. Maybe he downloaded someones whole porn collection and ended up with some messed up stuff too? I dont know, but it could happen.
it's up to you to decide what to do. personally, if i was in your possition, it would be much harder for me to look at my mum's eyes, than at my father's..
considering your brothers, your older brother had done the worst think than the younger. i don't really believe that he and his friend will actually do what they wrote...
on the other hand your older brother did a criminal offence, for pedophilia is criminal offence. and it's one of worst perversity at all!
of course, it's again up to you to decide what to do, but you'd be be better to do something.
Meh, there was no intended criticism! Just statement that knowing these things has reduced your happyiness...
You've had some traumatic event related to sex (sexually abused at age 15). Now three males which you trust (family members) appear to have "bad" sexual attitudes and have possibly done "bad" sexual actions... Is this really about them or yourself?
Although all men have the potential to do sexually deviant actions, most don't... Do you want to discover this "evidence" for every man to prove otherwise? You have tried hard already!
Do you denay your younger brother sexual desires? Since he is growing up and writing down some feelings... It is all conjecture to say he intends carrying them out and likely doesn't understand the full emotions or even mechanics of sex.
Your older brother. Okay, complicated... You said that you saw some terrifying videos but did you actually see something likely illegal or simply a name. Have you considered these files were downloaded accidentally? Maybe he downloaded every video from search for work "f*ck" without checking indivdual names!
As for your father, who knows... I want to demonstrate that it's easy to get carried away with thoughts. Without more facts, sometimes these ideas "crumble"... but maybe there is some truth. Just be careful.