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new relationship + new job = complicated

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Here's the background. I'm at uni on a one year course and a month ago I met the perfect girl. A few weeks ago I got offered the job of my dreams and start in 2 months

Here's the problem: The job is about 50 miles away from where I am now (and my girlfriend).

To drive 50miles either way, is over 2 hours each day, not taking into account traffic.

To add to the problem, my family are getting confused as to why I would want to live near my university and commute to work, rather than getting a place much closer to work.

So what I'm interested in knowing is:
1) What would you do in my place?
O live closer to work?
O or somewhere halfway?

I would rather try and make the relationship work and commute to work. The contract on my next place to live will probably be less than a year, so I could easily move closer to work if I really hated the commute.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would rather the relationship. But that's it, as soon as you meet someone you like its very hard to make a decision that may jeopardise the relationship.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd say stay where you are and commute if you can cope with it. Depends from where you live to where you have to commute to as well.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I live in Brighton, and the place is pretty amazing, I could really see myself living here .

    The commute would be to Surrey (a boring village type place). If I moved close to Surrey, I worry that I may end up really isolated.

    I suppose if I think moving will make me unhappy and isolated (not even taking into account my girlfriend) I suppose that means that moving seems like the worst of the two choices right?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i suggest you to live where you work. it's more practic. you must go to work every morning. i suppose u must come there right on time... if you stay to live by ur uni, that could make a lot of troubble to you, and even jeopardise your job.
    on the other had, i know a lot of couples that live in different cities, and they do fine.
    you can go to her 2-3 times/week...
    and, at the end, if ur girlfriend find that as the reason for braking up your relationsip, than let her go... it wouldn't last either you stay close to her anyway...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A place in between, then if all go well at later stage moving in with her closer to work...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be honest it's not an undoable commute. A bit long maybe but if it's the right job for you then it's a trade off. plenty of people have longer journeys. You can decide later if you want to move, after you've been doing the job for a bit.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    At the end of the day, it's a couple of hours a day which has to be weighed up against all the extra time you'll be able to spend with your girlfriend. It's not even about whether the relationship is worth making it work long distance, it's about the quality and quantity of time you get to spend together in the here and now, to my mind. Therefore, if commuting is going to exhaust you so that the extra time you spend together is no fun, then move closer to work. Otherwise, I'd stay in the place where it sounds like you're really happy, and get up an hour earlier in the morning :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    unfortunatly for you mate, inbetween sounds like creepy crawley!!
    seriously, commuting out of Brighton is pretty easy so give it a go, you will always regret it if distance ends your relationship.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mist wrote:
    To be honest it's not an undoable commute. A bit long maybe but if it's the right job for you then it's a trade off. plenty of people have longer journeys. You can decide later if you want to move, after you've been doing the job for a bit.

    Yep, I used to do an almost 5 hour round trip (on public transport) every working day for about six weeks.

    That was fun claiming the expenses back.

    I'd go along with Mist, if you like the job then move. The worst case scenario is moving there, hating both the job and the place and being apart from your girlfriend.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Imagining that your job is a typical 9-5, we're talking needing to leave your house at 6.30am at the latest every morning, and getting home at around 7.30pm, if not later. Factor in to that tiredness from a long day and commute, and costs for petrol/public transport, and decide whether you think the time you'd get with your girlfriend would be worth it. My personal opinion is that it would be better to live somewhere closer to work and come back to Brighton at weekends - that way you'll get quality time with your girlfriend when you're not tired or trying to catch up on sleep. Then again you could always try out living in Brighton and commuting, and move if you hate it or if you and your girl split up (of course I hope that doesn't happen, but it's early days in the relationship).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for all the input people, it really made my day.

    My dad did say something similar to wildchild, that the money I'd save in petrol, I could easily use that to pay for a cheap hotel for the weekend in Brighton.

    I'm gonna keep thinking about things for a month or so, since I dont start work for a while.
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