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help! problems with a "friend with advantages"

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
ok i'll try to keep this short. my friend, who is apparently gay but has fooled around with/slept with all his female friends (including me) (btw, we're still really good friends, so it CAN work)... last time we had sex, he never came. i tried doing everything, this has never happened to me before. he finally gave up, and ran upstairs. to take a piss, or jack off and come, i don't know. either way, i'm left feeling really useless, you know? we were both really drunk (not cool i know, but it happens), i'm just wondering what can cause a guy not to come? too much alcohol (i'm hoping), is it hard for him personally to come (although i've never heard of that for a guy), or what? or am i just a big turn off to him? granted, all the times we've fooled around i've never came, or had an orgasm (either or), but i'm a girl with PCOS (apparently it's hard to have one with PCOS, sex isn't *as* pleasurable for me i find, but pleasurable enough), and i've never had an orgasm yet. doesn't mean it didn't feel good for me though.

also, he claims he's gay, and that sex with girls is just sex. fine. but as far as i know, if you're gay, you're gay. right? i slept with a girl once, i was curious, and i know i'm definitely straight now, and i don't think it would ever happen again. it could, but not likely. he's right. sex is sex. if i'm horny and a girl is there and it's the right moment, i might go for it, yeah. but, i just think he's in denial maybe. any thoughts?

thanks so much for any replies! this is driving me kinda nuts.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sheesh...you certainly know how to ask 'em, lol.

    firstly though, you mention you've got PCOS and say it's hard to have an orgasm with it...I've suffered from PCOS since I was in my early teens (i'm 26 now) and I'm quite bad with it, but I've never had problems orgasming. AFAIK, it isn't one of the symptoms - though I could be wrong.

    secondly, IMO this guy sounds like a bit of an arse...to sleep with all his female friends and claim he's gay. he could well be, but i feel that the way he's treating you and others could be perceived to be quite demeaning.

    has he ever had any gay experiences that you know of, chick?

    the probs with him not coming could well be related to the booze, though - my fella can't always when he's had a skinful. also if either partner really isn't into it much then it might be an issue for both of you to come too...

    if you're both cool with the situation then that's fine, but it sounds like he might have a few issues with his sexuality to me. just my opinion though

    take care
    cavegirl
    xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As a gay guy myself, he sounds more bi/curious than all-out gay (for now). How old is he by the way as his actions sound somewhat immature?

    Anyway, if you girls all knew he was 'gay', why have sex with him? You'll never change him if that is what you are hoping ... sexuality is not a switch that one can just turn off and on. :no:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    all the gay men i know say that the thought of sex with women makes them feel ill. They physically can't stand the thought of it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah, my best mate is gay, and sometimes he cant even hug me he is sick of the thought of touching girls.

    I would think he is probably bi-sexual. As for not coming, sometimes they just dont, there are reasons, but i would doubt its you if he's had sex with girls before and came.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jenni30 wrote:
    yeah, my best mate is gay, and sometimes he cant even hug me he is sick of the thought of touching girls.

    Wow - that's a bit extreme. I love women but I just don't wanna sleep with 'em ... but I would be lost without my girl friends. We have so much fun and laughs together.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Teagan wrote:
    Wow - that's a bit extreme. I love women but I just don't wanna sleep with 'em
    I've no problems sleeping with them. It's the sex that's the issue :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    theres a few times after being on the drink, that i can be going away at it for hours, and not cum
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi deadxxgirl,
    I just wanted to say the fact that he has slept with ALL of his girl friends but says he is gay is slightly suspicious. maybe you need to talk to him and find out if he is actually gay or whether he is uncertain, as he could be in limbo land at the moment not knowing which way he swings... then again he might like the best of both worlds, in either case the circumstances in which you slept together are not honest as he claims he is gay.
    It certainly doesn't sound like he is gay, perhaps he is bisexual?
    However the fact that he didn't cum during sex with you is no reflection on you, it definitely doesn't mean that you are bad in bed! In my experience alcohol has two effects on men in the bedroom, they either cum way too quick or go on for far too long.
    I wouldn't take it personally thats just what alcohol does im afraid.

    Rebekah
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If he says his gay but sleeps with other women then hes either bi or a liar.

    If hes a liar then that's a great way to sleep with women.
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