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anorexic sister

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
hi, my younger sister (23 yrs old) went from being a fun loving girl to a seriously ill anorexic last year, with the lowest point being about October last year. She had hypnotherapy and regained weight. She looked so healthy again that we all thought (and desperately hoped) she was better. I recently got engaged and having always wished for my sister to be bridesmaid, I asked her thinking she was better and hoping that the thought of being my bridesmaid wouldn't make her ill again. However, since asking her she has told me that she is not better and that she has a daily struggle with anorexia, and I have recently seen worrying signs that remind me of this time last year. I don't live near her and we don't have the closest of relationships so we don't discuss these things that much, but I'm really worried that the pressure of being a bridesmaid might be negatively affecting her - this is the last thing I want. I don't know whether to approach the subject with her or not. What I really want her to know is that I love her just the way she is and I don't want her to lose a single pound of weight to be my bridesmaid - but in our family we tend not to discuss these things...although I'm thinking of writing her a letter, but I thought she might think that was sad.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and can offer me some advice please? It makes me so sad to see her like this.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No a letter sounds good, you can say everything you want to say, without being interuppted or feeling uncomfortable if you aren't very close. She may not even realise how much this is upsetting you. I think you should write a letter, tell her everything your feeling and how much you want to help her, then perhaps ask if she wants to sit down and talk together, maybe it'll be easier when she knows how you feel.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The thing is that anorexia does not just get better. She is going to struggle for years, if not for the rest of her life, and that's not to say that she won't stay healthy, and the weight she is, but she will be battling internally for a long, long time.

    Your best bet in this situation is to have a chat with her - it doesn't have to be face to face if you find that hard. Just tell her you'd really love her to be your bridesmaid, but you'd love her to be healthy and happy more, and if she thinks she can't deal, she really has to tell you.

    Also know that none of this is your fault. Recovering anorexics don't relapse because someone asks them to do something tricky, they relapse because they are suffering from a really complex illness and if it isn't one thing, chances are it'd be another.
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