Uni relationships

Former Member · July 2006

Just wondering if people would mind giving me their lowdown on how relationships have panned out in uni. Whether you've still in one from before you started, whether you've met someone at uni, or how you sorta interpreted the people you met when you started - that might make more sense when I say why I'm asking!

When I started in October, I split with my bf within 2 weeks of starting. We were together a year. I felt like everything was so new, couldn't deal with suddenly liking all these people and thought it best.

Since then I was with a guy for a month and it ended because of time restrictions and him wanting his freedom and to retain his man-slag of the year status (seriously every nights a different girl but he's a good bloke so I didn't hold a grudge!). Another guy for the whole year made out he liked me, then went off without my knowledge, buttering me up and bedding a whole host of other gals.

I've watched people around me settle down but the guys I seem to meet around me they're just...literally after one thing. I like a guy I got more closely acquainted with in the last few weeks of this term. He's even emailed me out of the blue asking how I am and such now that we're away for summer, but now I just feel dumb for liking him because he's probably after the same thing everyone else is. I dunno - sometimes feels like every guys just the same, and I do no they're not but I'm finding myself going through the same motions to just be fooled again. And yeh I appreciate not everyone wants a gf/bf over uni, but after properly getting into something with a guy who was off with loadsa girls AND saying awful things about me behind my back and still having the audacity to be all over me and such...I just want an honest person. I don't mind one time things as long as I know the score. But being pursued and then feeling like a target and the guy succeeding in his goal before dropping me...well I feel sorta grumpy and unable to interpret guys so easily.

You don't have to respond to my situation but I'd like to hear about other peoples situations and their thoughts on relationships and goings on around them!

Sorry for the long post!

Malty

Former Member · July 2006

Hmm, I know two couples that were going out before uni, and managed to stay together throughout, going to different uni's. Everyone else that had a boy/girlfriend before uni, split up with them fairly quickly after starting. I also know four couples off the top of my head that met during uni and are still together now. They were all except for one, fairly good friends before they got together. A couple of friends had serious relationships that began and ended in uni. Everyone else seemed to either just be seeing someone every now and again, or didn't see anyone throughout uni, and just pulled the odd person.

I don't think any of this is helpful at all, just letting you know my experiences of it. I'd say once you're in uni and you've cut ties to people back home to some extent, there's nothing special about getting a boyfriend, that doesn't apply in the 'real world' except that you might not be able to spend all your holidays together. I'd say that there's perhaps a greater sense of pulling and casual things, rather than being in a proper relationship, which may require a bit of caution if that's not what you really want.

Former Member · July 2006

That was useful!

Yeah I'm noticing this trend for more casual things. I think what it is is the guy I was mainly speaking about above, lavished me with so much attention, said things to imply the sort of commitment he wanted and then totally dashed it all from under my feet. Thank you

Former Member · July 2006

I know of a couple who are both at different unis and are in a relationship together. They met online and have been together for about 2 and a half years. (maybe slightly more)

Former Member · July 2006

My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years split up with me in January with the piss poor excuse that he thought I would change

Not that I had changed, because he was scared of me changing and being attracted to other people. Most of my friends have stayed together through their uni life so far.

Former Member · July 2006

my friend and her ex boyfriend were together 3 and a half years, she started uni in sept, and the relationship has now ended. It wasnt her that has changed, its been him.

Former Member · July 2006

I started off in a relationship of just under 2 years, and it ended within 3 weeks. I couldn't cope mentally with the fact that I was doing things, going somewhere, changing and bettering myself by going to university and he was happy to go nowhere and work in a supermarket. Not that theres anything wrong with that for others, but there just wasn't enough to keep me interested.

I got together with my current chap when I broke up with the last. Still together over 18 months later, living together, still very happy

Former Member · July 2006

malteser monkay wrote:

Just wondering if people would mind giving me their lowdown on how relationships have panned out in uni.

I didn't meet any special girls at Uni, mostly cos my uni was totally crap!!

But I will say the really good friends you make at Uni you keep for life!!

Former Member · July 2006

My boyfriend is in uni, and I'm in last year at secondary. It was a little hard to adjust in the beginning - everything came before me, so was a little upsetting, but its ok now.

Thats all I got

Former Member · July 2006

me and my ex were together 4 years and we broke up at xmas, but ive met someone at uni, who isnt a student, i hope it can go on forever, i cant see any reason why we would have to split when uni is finished

Former Member · July 2006

Me and my boyf have been together 4 and a bit yrs, I'm going into 3rd yr of uni in Oct and he's goin into 2nd. We're at the same uni but different campuses and both live at home. We've been though some really rough times but worked at it and can honestly say i'm really happy!

Former Member · July 2006

i had been in a relationship for about 5-6 months before going to uni, it lasted till half way through my final year, though it ended because of reasons other than uni.

I do regret it though, i would have had more fun if i had gone into uni single, i would have been less stressed / upset all the time, and probably have done better at uni because of that.

But i did make the most of the last half of my final year after the split, it was ace :thumb:

Former Member · July 2006

My girlfriend is trying to decide if she wants to go to university near me or so far away it would end our relationship. She has a choice of her two favourite universities, one is here and the other in Scotland. I hope she does whats best for her and im trying to tell her to do that even if it means we split and are just friends, but thats months away from now. I hope we find a way to stay together, even when times are really rough with us, it still seems worth it.

Former Member · July 2006

It can work. My eldest bro first kissed his girlfriend when he was 14 but they decided m=not to be girlfriend and boyfriend until after their GCSEs, so that they could concentrate. After their A levels, still at same school, they went to different Unis- Notts and Oxford, so quite far away. She moved to London after graduating to work, he stayed on a year to do er, some Law thingy. Now they live together in London, 12 years after their first kiss. Happy ending *vomit*.

**helen** · July 2006

kathryn wrote:

What I've found, having finished uni is that a lot of the couples that were formed at uni have struggled now we've graduated, to stay together. Three good strong long relationships in my friendship group have broken down since ending uni, and to be honest this past year me and my bf have struggled a bit to adjust to the post uni life.

:yes: that was definitely the case when I was at uni. When someone split up with their boyfriend post uni, a friend of mine used to say: "I see they signed the university contract." Being at university with a boyfriend/girlfriend is a unique situation and as Kathryn said - it can be tought to adjust. I guess it's about trying to work out whether you're in love with the person, or more in love with the lifestyle you shared together.

Former Member · July 2006

I'm going to Uni in 2007- fingers crossed, but living at home, and still working weekends with my boyfriend- so I'm hoping very much that things go ok between us, and that we can work/ cope with any changes, but time will tell I suppose! By then, we'll be coming up to being together 2 years!

Former Member · July 2006

I think you know about my relationship status Stacey...you've met my girlfriend after all.

Ive been with her over 5 months now which is cool. Didnt have any proper relationships beforehand really. I thought I was going out with a girl for a bit in March last year but turns out she just saw it as 'a bit of fun' then i heard she was seeing someone else too. That wasnt very fun. Ive had a few flings the last one before my girlfriend was with a girl last September.
Funnily enough these two girls i used to see are now going out with eachother.:crazyeyes

Oh yeah. I'd not had a proper relationship before uni...

Former Member · July 2006

In all honesty, I have no idea what is going to happen. I'm in a relationship now, and things are going strong, but I don't know what happens when I leave for uni. I like to think that we'd manage somehow, but the practical side of me struggles to see how.

Former Member · July 2006

me and my mates havent been to uni yet, but i have 2 mates whos boyfriends are going to universty in the complete opposite side of England so both couples are breaking up. itll be really hard for them, as one of the couples have been together 2 and a half years.

Former Member · July 2006

It Works..

I've been with my current girlfriend a steady 9 months and from the first night we hooked up after like a week of me telling her I liked her and shit, we've lived together in the same room and same single sized bed for all that time. Uni is a great place to meet the love of your life, from experience.. I've never been very successful in getting any attention from girls, but I met the girl of my dreams there and we're still happy to this day.

University Life can get pretty lonely and boring and having a companion there is like a godsend.. it gets you through the rough times and you both are there for each other constantly.

It seems that most people who are a couple who come to Uni.. break up very soon after arriving or stay miserable for a very long time.

Former Member · July 2006

Broke up with my then girlfriend of 18 months after 1 month at uni because I met Mrs. T. And we've been together for 31 months and still going strong

Former Member · July 2006

i had a boyfriend from home throughout the first year of uni but i found it quite hard because i'd met so many new poeple and he didn't like that i was just going out all the time and so he started to get a bit paranoid. we finished just before the last semester ended.

at uni i found it really difficult to meet any decent guys. all they wanted was something casual. i think this is because the guys live with their friends and all kind of conform to this 'go out and pull everynight' mentality. there was only 1 guy i met at uni who did want something more serious, but then i had to move to france anyway!

its weird because whenever i came home for holidays i would always meet someone who wanted something more. i blame myself for those relationships not working though because after my expereince in the 1st year of having a boyfriend at home, i never wanted one again.

Former Member · July 2006

When i started uni i had been going with my ex for nearly 2 years. We both went to the same uni, but after our first year we split. We started going out when we were both only 16 so had both changed a lot, especially through uni, him more than me tho :chin:

A little while after we split one of the guys i had been living with since day one of uni told me how he felt about me. It was a shock to say the least, and i didn't know what to think. So we spent a few weeks getting closer and i realised i felt exactly the same. We got together officially christmas time of the second year and have been together ever since. Like a previous poster we spent the rest of our time at uni sharing one or either of our single beds, so when we finished uni it was an easy transition to living together by ourselves. Been together now for 3 and a half years, and living together in one shape or another for that entire time too (and longer!) and we're still going strong

I also know 2 of my friends from uni who got together during uni are sill very much together now, and living togeter happily 2 years after we finished uni. Whilst 2 other friends came to uni together as boyfriend and girlfriend, survived the test of uni, even with her moving away for a year to do a year in industry, and are now living together ome 5 or 6 years since they first started dating at school :thumb:

Former Member · July 2006

When I started this job, I was talking to one of the girls who works here part time, who's at uni (comes home at weekends to work). And she was telling me she was engaged to one of the chefs that works here. Throughout that conversation I was just thinking "I bet you're not together by the end of your first year." And behold, the end of the uni year, and they've split up.

I think it's the case more often than not, particularly if only one of the people in the relationship is going to university. Whether it's because that person is meeting new people and having new experiences, or the other person is just getting paranoid that their partner is meeting new people and having new experiences, and they feel left out, I'm not sure. But one person going to uni and the other person not does suggest that they have different aspirations and plans for the future.

Former Member · July 2006

I knew quite a few couples that were together before uni and carried on well into their degrees and more that met at uni and stayed together for a signifcant amount of time. In fact I can think of two couples that are engaged.

For myself I didn't want a serious relationship in the first year because I wanted total freedom and I had a year out in the third year so didn't see the point in getting into anything serious in my second year. I also had some family problems going on so I was going a little off the rails and didn't really have it in me to be in a proper relationship. I did get into a serious relationship in my final year though. Was a case of right person right time.

I don't think its necessarily true that all guys are just out to get laid while at uni but obviously a fair number are. If I were you I wouldn't worry too much about it just concentrate on having fun and enjoying uni. Those kind of things tend to sort themselves out

Uni relationships

Comments