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Parents - Smoking - Rant

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Okay, so my mother is a heavy smoker, always has been and I hate it, only smoke free place I have in my house is mine or my bros room if we're hanging out

So my girlfriend is pregnant. but yet she continues to smoke around her. I ask her not to and she still does so this repeats. I ask her today as she walked up and stood by laura (my partner) and talked, so me n laura go into the kitchen to get breakfast. she comes in and I said "mum, not being funny but can you please stop smoking around laura" she replies some random shit I didn't hear so I go upstairs with food, I came back down to talk to my bro and ask him something and as soon as I head up stairs she comes out and goes "when you're conciderate to me and my needs then i'll be conciderate to yours"

WHAT FUCKING NEEDS, I DO EVERYTHING FOR HER. seriously, I clean and wash dishes, clean the house and help her out, help do her shopping, sort her car out (petrol and tire pressure etc) and she says I am inconciderate, all I am doing is to give a though for laura and our unborn baby, I dont want laura or the baby breathing in or inahling her second hand smoke, I asked her nicely yet its not good enough,

I am relieved that we are moving away soon and if she keeps acting like this (which will probably happen) then she will not see her grandchild, its not fair on laura or the baby and she is being unreasonable about it.

Sorry I needed to rant, thanks

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you fuckin tell her mate, its an unborn child shes being considerate of, not you.

    parents have a habit of doing stuff like this, its normal but frustrating nonetheless i bet.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ask her what needs you're not being considerate to and see what she answers then. if she answers with some rubbish answer then compare it to the life of your unborn child and see what she thinks then. sounds like shes being very unreasonable! if i were a smoker i wouldnt smoke in front of a pregnant lady regardless if she had any connection to me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's insane! She could at least take it outside! I agree with the other two. FGood luck and congrats on the baby :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's just being mean. It's not like you've said 'please don't smoke around because it smells' or something to that effect.
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hi there,
    This is a tricky one and I can see why you're feeling frustrated!

    It sounds like your discussions with your mum so far have been quite fiery, and regardless of what you are asking, when you are negotiating something with someone it's a good idea to arrange to sit down together and talk calmly about any issues you have, while listening carefully to what the other is saying. Hopefully then you can find some kind of compromise.

    We have an article on problematic parents which you might find helpful.

    I hope this helps.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    has laura actually tried talking to her herself? i'm sure she'd find it harder to answer back to her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    \
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    her main reason for us being inconsiderate is us not doing the dishes and apart from last night for two weeks we've done it every night.

    Laura is to scared to ask her and from what we know and what I can tell she is perfectly fine with laura and the child. she just seems not to care.

    I've lost trust in her and I dont think I could ever ask her to look after my child.

    Thanks for the help.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can you not live with Laura's parents instead?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    People can be like that, I think it's the poison. My mum and sister are both inconsiderate smokers, and think I'm the one being inconsiderate if I'm annoyed by it.

    My course of action is to move out, because families suck sometimes. Well, the females anyway. Guys are alright :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We're moving to Arran (her parents) on the 17th but my sisters wedding is on the 14th so need to stay here (we are moving up to scotland from england)

    I guess when we move its not a problem but its just frustraiting.

    I tried so calmly to talk to her and she throws it in my face and always complains that I lose my rag, well I do. because I try to talk calmly and it's thrown at me. all I can do is take it with a pinch of salt and leave it,
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hellfire wrote:
    We're moving to Arran (her parents) on the 17th but my sisters wedding is on the 14th so need to stay here (we are moving up to scotland from england)

    I guess when we move its not a problem but its just frustraiting.

    I tried so calmly to talk to her and she throws it in my face and always complains that I lose my rag, well I do. because I try to talk calmly and it's thrown at me. all I can do is take it with a pinch of salt and leave it,

    Thing with mums, even if you get her to agree, she wont stick by her word, she'll just sit down next to Laura, light up, and ignoring everything you've said will think to yourself 'its my house, so im entitled' and feel good about it.

    Isn't arran a little isolated :p suppose there'll be lots of fresh air though. Just say to her politely 'will you please stop smoking around Laura, as she's pregnant and there are strong links between exposure to cigarrette smoke and birth complications (such as eptopic pregnancy) and also affects fetal growth, leading to underweight babies - its only a few days, I know its your house and I want to help out as much as I can, but I'm desperate that nothing, not even something as innoccuos as your smoking, has even a small chance of harming my baby.

    Unless you're some kind of monster I'm sure you can understand that. So please, work with me here.'

    Maybe not the monster comment, but you get the idea. But pleading seldom seems to help. GRrrrr at family, grrrr at everything in fact. Hope the pregnancy goes well though :) is she going to Yoga classes? :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Arran is perfect tbh and got a good house deal sorted out

    Thanks shyboy, that helped alot.


    ETA - shyboy, her mum has a pilates ball so she's gonna see what she can do with that ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nothing constructive to say,

    But congrats about the baby :D
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