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how my friend makes me feel self-conscious...help me pls!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hi guys
wasnt sure wether to put this in health or not, so im sorry if relationships isnt appropriate,but its to do with me+a mate.
ive always been extremely conscious about my body. Got bullied in high school, criticised by exes. I dont like much about myself, but since ive lost weight (by exercising and eating healthily gradually) and gone from a size 12/14 to a size 10/12, i did feel better.that is until recently.
my friend is very pretty. we go out+all the hottest guys will swarm round her (just to show you how pretty she is, not cos i want that, im in a long term relationship+happy with it). she's a small size 10. recently thought she's lost alot of weight, going down to a size 8 on top. Now, nothing wrong with this if that was how she was naturally, but it isnt her natural body size (which is a 12) and her ribs, collerbone+shoulders are sticking out. her hips stick out so much,its scary, but this is apparently what alot of guys want.
I worried about her at first as she was eating less+less, and insists on only eating the healthiest foods, but recently she's really upset me.
she's always saying "im soooo fat, i hate my legs" (which makes me feel bad considering my legs are considerably bigger than ers+she knows im worried about them) and "you always eat, you're always hungry". I feel shite around her now. She's always so self-conscious when we go out, making me feel even worse as i chose an outfit+wear it, but she changes 300 times and looks stunning in everything.
I now cant see our friendship being the same, as whenever im around her i am constantly comparing myself to her and, in my mind, putting myself down. I know i shouldn't, as im a healthy weight+i dont want to be any thinner, just to tone up my legs abit.
sorry to ramble, but its been really upsetting me+i just feel like i need some support. should i live off cereal and rice? Cos i love pizza+mcdonalds, but obviously not all the time. I feel so bad+have now started to not want to see her bcos of how rubbish+sometimes angry she makes me feel.
Please help guys! dunno what im looking for by making this post, guess i just wanted to know if im the only one and how i can make myself feel better?
Thanx
wasnt sure wether to put this in health or not, so im sorry if relationships isnt appropriate,but its to do with me+a mate.
ive always been extremely conscious about my body. Got bullied in high school, criticised by exes. I dont like much about myself, but since ive lost weight (by exercising and eating healthily gradually) and gone from a size 12/14 to a size 10/12, i did feel better.that is until recently.
my friend is very pretty. we go out+all the hottest guys will swarm round her (just to show you how pretty she is, not cos i want that, im in a long term relationship+happy with it). she's a small size 10. recently thought she's lost alot of weight, going down to a size 8 on top. Now, nothing wrong with this if that was how she was naturally, but it isnt her natural body size (which is a 12) and her ribs, collerbone+shoulders are sticking out. her hips stick out so much,its scary, but this is apparently what alot of guys want.
I worried about her at first as she was eating less+less, and insists on only eating the healthiest foods, but recently she's really upset me.
she's always saying "im soooo fat, i hate my legs" (which makes me feel bad considering my legs are considerably bigger than ers+she knows im worried about them) and "you always eat, you're always hungry". I feel shite around her now. She's always so self-conscious when we go out, making me feel even worse as i chose an outfit+wear it, but she changes 300 times and looks stunning in everything.
I now cant see our friendship being the same, as whenever im around her i am constantly comparing myself to her and, in my mind, putting myself down. I know i shouldn't, as im a healthy weight+i dont want to be any thinner, just to tone up my legs abit.
sorry to ramble, but its been really upsetting me+i just feel like i need some support. should i live off cereal and rice? Cos i love pizza+mcdonalds, but obviously not all the time. I feel so bad+have now started to not want to see her bcos of how rubbish+sometimes angry she makes me feel.
Please help guys! dunno what im looking for by making this post, guess i just wanted to know if im the only one and how i can make myself feel better?
Thanx
0
Comments
i think you should try to focus on the fact that you're the one who is happy with how you look. she's the one who is self conscious and is obviously not happy with herself. she sounds quite selfish actually by saying those things to you -shes putting you down to make herself feel better.
or she could be just selfish and not care, i dont know what she is like or your friendship was like before this?
If I had just read the parts in your post that related to her, and not about how you were feeling, i would be worried about her - losing more and more weight, bones showing, eating less, talking about how she thinks she is fat and talking about eating and being hungry a lot, I would think maybe she might have a problem. It might be that she is having a problem and is obsessed with that, not realising that she is hurting your feelings at the same time.
could you speak to her about it? find out if she is feeling ok and let her know that sometimes her comments make you feel worse? because you dont deserve to be feeling like crap and if you dont do something not only might your self esteem get lower but u might lose the friendship too (like you said you are already wanting to spend less time with her)
as for you losing weight or 'living off cereal and rice" - it sounds like you are doing fine already
lipsy - your post helped. when she says those things she doesnt mean them nastily, she just doesnt realise how much they hurt me. Its like she always needs reassurance+compliments on her body/outfits, but i never mither my mates for that.
I think what's bothering me the most is that guys love this look. I dont want to attract a bloke, as i have one, but'd be nice now and again for a guy to look at me+find me attractive. i think maybe im craving the compliments she gets, maybe im jealous?
I'd be tempted to reply with "thanks for just indirectly calling me a heifer, thats really nice of you"
its also annoying when you're friends assume you've got to be completly happy with yourself when you're slimmer than them. So when you try to join in a conversation about body parts you don't like ect, you get moaned at.
I make sure i don't outright start moaning about myself though, cause it's a bit tactless.
Then again, there was a girl in my english class who i sat next to whos a tiny size 6, no fat on her at all yet she's ALWAYS worrying about her weight...and i can't understand why. I can see from both sides.
eta: just because someones slimmer/prettier/gets more attention ect doesn't always make them happy. I'd have a talk with her. One of my friends deffinatly isn't the slimest or prettiest girl around. She has or had quite bad spots (and scars) and purple hair, but because she's confident she's the 1 who gets all the attention!
If you like her and she treats you actually like a friend, like calling you, asking you to hang out, etc. then work it out, and there is just one way: you need to confront her about it.
Tell her she should stop whining about her body, since all the guys are around her anyways and that she's hurting you, because she complains about her body, even tho you have more weight.
I am a boy, and if any good looking female friend says, "look im so fat." all I can respond to that is, "yeah, right... lose some weight you hambeast." (except she's really really sensitive)
They know I am kidding, and that it is my way to treat fishing for compliments.