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My Friend Died

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Im really sorry to write this, I dont want too depress anyone or whatever but I need to write what Im feeling somewhere.

One of my close friends died in his sleep aged 18 last night. I cannot believe it- I was playing soccer as always when a friend told me and I was in complete and utter shock and I still am- I mean it hasnt sunk in at all. I want to cry but i cant, I just feel so strange, its unreal. Id know this person, Michael my whole life through primary school, college and I was at uni with him now. We are on easter break but he wont be going back with me, how do you try to accept something like that? He was going to come on holiday with me and some others in the summer and we were going to move closer to uni next year and rent a house or something. But just like that, all them dreams are over. Its unreal- these things always happen to other people and now its happened to me and I dont know how to feel or anything. He was out last night and was fine and went home and his mum went to wake him up this morning. Thinking he was messing about she slapped his back and then she realised something was wrong, started crying and realised it wasnt a joke. She had only lost her mother recently and I cant believe how she must be feeling and his younger brother, I just cannot imagine.
Ive just been over the local pub where he hung out a lot and everyone around here who knew him congregated there in shock. It was weird just expecting him to come in and liven things up as he always does even thought that will never happen. He was the life and soul of any occasion and lived life to the maximum undoubtedly. I mean I spoke to him the other day and now I will never see him or speak to him again and that is so hard to swallow. I cant believe how someone so young could die in their sleep- the exact cause wont be known for 24 hours. I really dont know what to write- I am so mixed up right now, sorry.


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ah, I don't know what to say. There are others here who have coped with death who will probably be able to offer more comfort to you. *hug*.

    The people here are really nice so stick around. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Really feel for you - must be such a shock, being so unexpected and he being so young.

    As usual fairmelissa has said it all. Remember him, his life, and the times you enjoyed together.
    Express your grief in whatever way you feel and over whatever time you feel is right, days, weeks or months.

    There's an organisation dedicated to helping bereaved people:

    Compassionate Friends
    0117 953 9639
    It is open every day of the year - 10am to 4.00pm / 6.30pm - 10.30pm

    or do a web search for a Cruise group near in your area.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi this is Federer. I couldnt remember my password earlier for this as I am on a different computer, being back from uni so it wasnt stored so I set up that one quickly.

    Thanks so much for all the kind words and everything- I do appreciate it. Its just such a shock- I mean how can someone so young die in his sleep? Its so awful....its easy too be nice about people when they die but he really was liekd by everyone. He was so forward and could insult and annoy people at times but he was such a charachter that everyone liked. He was always ripping my trainers as being throwbacks from the 60's! And we all got our own back on the fact that he was the worse driver ever and that he wasnt as musucular as he thought he was! He was getting a degree, had a girlfriend loads of friends, great musical talent and his whole life in front of him and its suddenly all gone like that. You just cant imagine it, you take your friends and family for granted at times but really they are such a privilige and so is life, and I guess it really hits home at these times how you should live it to the max because who knows whats ibn the future.

    Im just really new to this grieving thing. All my grandparents are alive and no-one close to me has even been close to death from what I know. I just feel normal, I dont know if thats bad or not. I cried for a minute or two but now I just feel normal but a bit numb. I suppose its just not sunk in and Im expecting to see him around later on but its not going to happen. I mean ill be going to uni after easter and he wont and that is pretty hard to accept and understand why. I still dont really know what to write and Im waffling on here! I mean these things happen on TV and in the papers, not too a local person, not too someone so young and definitely not to your friends. I mean how can a day change so quickly from playing football to coming to terms with a friends death. On easter sunday as well, its just terrible. I cant imagine how his mum must feel and his only brother as well as his Dad who doesnt live with them now. I couldnt imagine it if anything ever happened to my brother- Id never get over it. And his girlfriend as well, its just all so bad- its such a loss.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have my sympathy, anyone who loses someone close finds it hard to cope at first. I'm not going to pretend that things get better, you just learn to cope with your grief.

    Remember to celebrate you friends life, rather than consider the loss of him, consider what he brought to you...that is his best testimony.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There must be so many "what ifs" and "if only" and "why" going through your head right now but remember - from what you've said he had a happy life and enjoyed it to the full.
    Remember all the times you shared together - and not just the good - the bad times and the normal times that made him such a great person and made your friendship so good.

    Like you, ive nevr lost anyone close to me so i dont have any experience. But i know if i lost my best mate - well i cant imagine what you're going through.

    Like melissa said - cry, laugh, remember the good/bad times, scream, be silent and talk about him.....whatever feels the best.

    Take care x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm so sorry
    *Virtual hug* <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiest of all i'm really sorry to hear that.
    about a month a ago i lost a long time friend and his little brother in a car crash. it came as a complete shock. i was stunned for days, i was mixed up also i couldn't think or cry.
    Things have gott'n better me and my friends got through it and i feel more at peace now.
    ->going through something like this is like swimming in the ocean. its freezing at first it will take your breath away, but then you get used to it, it's not so bad.
    sorry if this makes no sense, but just remember, after it sinks in a sometime goes by, it will be alright, belive me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks again for all of the replies
    I just got back again from being at the local pub where quite a lot of people gathered tonight. It was really sad as some members of his band were playing some songs on acoustic guitar and whatever. No-one really seems to believe it still I dont think, most just sat pretty silent or spoke quietly with friends. But it is definitely good to get together with them rather than just stay home alone. I keep thinking how it could happen to anyone at anytime and worrying myself which is stupid, I never thought like that at all before but it just knocks it out of you when something just happens out of the blue. There were some people there who were even closer to him than me and just seeing how upset they were made me feel so sorry for them and his family. I have this need to know the actual cause just to know- I feel that it would have been easier to accept if it was a car crash or something rather than him dying in his sleep, but it must have been better for him this way. Im sorry if that sounds weird.

    I feel guilty in a way writing on this site about it for some reason, sorry. I know life goes on and whatever and I want too be able to get through this and carry on with living life but deep down I know you never get completely over something like that. And I knw people grieve differently. The picture in my head of the look on my friends face when he told me the news with tears in his eyes is going to stay with me for ages, and there are so many memories and I know they are the things to reflect on. I just cant get over it happening to someone so young- its not fair.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    I totally know what your going through. I lost 3 friends about a year and a half ago. They were killed in a car crash along with 2 other lads who i didnt really know. It took ages for it to sink in and for a while i kept thinking it was all a bad dream and that they would be coming back. I was at 6th form at the time and it was a tiny place, everyone was affected and it took ages for things to get back to normal. 5 funerals in one week was pretty tough on everyone.

    I think of my friends every day and i dont cry so much now. I value life a lot more and i've now realised that the only thing in life which you can ever be certain of is death. Things must be really difficult at the moment but it will get easier i promise. Just try and remember all the good times and make the most out of your life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im so sorry! *Big hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hugs to you all*

    Friends are something I value above just about anything else, and I've got some amazing ones here. Both of you - Narcotic and Jodie - have my sympathy, it's got to be a hard thing to go to. I hope you can find some solace in this place, Narcotic, we're all here to help you get through it. I hope the pain doesn't linger, and whilst life goes on, you can be excused from it for the moment, don't feel obliged to try and deal with this as quickly as possible.

    Good luck, and take care. D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd never heard of peopel so young just fallign asleep and never waking up but it happened to a friend of mine about christmas time. He was normal, healthy absolutely no illness and he just didn't wake up and no reason ever came about it. Its been really hard for a friend as she was talkign to him at 2am the morning before and he arranged to met her at 12pm the next day in town. He never turned up (she thought he had stood her up). She rang and before anyone could say anything he ranted at him..... only for his mum to say he was Dead. It really weird and it affected everyone so badly because it was a shock. We ever joked that he ha that illness where you appeared dead but weren't....and that he'd wake up in the coffin later..... He Never did!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey again, well its been a few days and things are still bad obviously. I still dont know the cause or anything but gradually its sinking in. I havent been able to get to sleep really since and Im getting myself worked up and feeling pains in my chest area which I wasnt sure if I was causing thinking about it or what. So I went to the doctors and got checked out and he said Im ok but Im having an ECG (right name?) on Friday. I feel guilty thinking about myself after this has happened but its really affected me in that way. Like I said I dont know anything more, Ive just been trying to play football and stuff to keep my mind off it but its pretty hard especially lying in bed not being able to sleep and just seeing pictures flashing through your mind. Its just one of the worse feelings ever <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey again
    The ECG went fine thanks for asking, nothing wrong there and the pains have more or less stopepd now so I guess it must have been heartache, stress or whatever. Things overall are much better now, I think just going out with friends a lot really helps so much and being with them most days/nights this week makes a lot of difference. The funeral is friday so that will be pretty bad for everyone obviously. The worse thing though is that the post mortem was inconclusive so what happened is unknown still, although there are rumours of liquid on the lungs or something- whether they are founded or not Im not sure. Anyway thanks again for all of your kind words and support xx
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