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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I went out with this guy for 4 weeks until my brother found out and threatened to tell my mum, doesn't sound like a big deal but i was 14 and he was 22. I no it doesn't matter what people think but i was really stupid and dumped him. A while after we went out again we were both in love with each other and all but the same thing happened. Its now been about a year and I really want him back. I think he feels the same way because just before he got with his new girlfriend (now hes fiancee) he said he really loved me and wanted me back. Any ideas on how I can win him back? (wrong way to put it but not sure how else i can!)

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're 14 and he's 22.
    Doesn't that ring any alarm bells in your head?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    but hes really sweet and i have known him for two years before i got together with him
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yea, so you were 12 and he was 20.
    That's alright then.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its a huge age gap but it doesn't really matter and it works out for people
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not the age gap I'm concerned with. What the fuck is a 22 year old doing with a not even nearly-legal adolescent?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It works out for people when they are older. I'm 20 and to me 12, 13, 14 and 15 year olds are kids. Eight years when you're a teenager is A LOT.

    The second huge problem would be him being engaged.

    Honestly, cut all contact with him and forget him. For your own sake.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    scytherchick wrote:
    It's not the age gap I'm concerned with. What the fuck is a 22 year old doing with a not even nearly-legal adolescent?

    Exactly, just the thought of fancying a 12 year old, even a 14 year old at my age is just so wrong.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jaloux wrote:
    Exactly, just the thought of fancying a 12 year old, even a 14 year old at my age is just so wrong.


    Pedo really.

    Lets go down to the local park with the jungle gym and swings and check out the hotties when they go down the slide, maybe we'll get to see their panties when they swing :naughty:

    A 20 year old with a 12 year old, and a 22 w/ a 14. The guy is an adult, you are a child. Just because he's not 42 with a moustache doesn't make it any less creepy.

    He is a flat out pedophile pervert.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jaloux wrote:
    It works out for people when they are older. I'm 20 and to me 12, 13, 14 and 15 year olds are kids. Eight years when you're a teenager is A LOT.

    I'm basically the same. I'm only 17, but fancying a 14 seems wrong to me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just for the record, it's not out of the question for a normal guy of any age to look at the odd 14 year old and think they're hot (every guy I know dreads that moment when you're looking at a girl from behind, and she turns round, and her face looks about 14, "my God, I'm a pervert" :p). Of course the vast majority would never consider going out with them, because for one it's illegal, and more importantly they can get girls their own age, which are frankly much hotter and likely to have more in common with you. If girls only became attractive to men at 16, then the age of consent wouldn't be necessary. As it is, the age of consent exist because men do find girls under 16 attractive.

    I would say that it's extremely likely this man has very low self esteem and little experience of the opposite sex. Therefore, he feels he can only get girls that are much younger than him. It's not useful to label him as a paedophile, which is quite different.

    To the topic starter, ignore this guy and look for someone closer to your own age. He is obviously happy with someone else if she's his fiance, so if you care about him at all, you'll just leave them be.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ok walk away because 1. he's way too old and 2. he's engaged
    not a good thing to get yourself into, leave him be - he's not the only guy in the world, you're only 14
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mambo90 wrote:
    I think he feels the same way because just before he got with his new girlfriend (now hes fiancee) he said he really loved me and wanted me back. Any ideas on how I can win him back? (wrong way to put it but not sure how else i can!)

    Well, if he still loved you, why did he get engaged? And if he REALLY loved you, he would wait until you were at least 16 ... sounds like you have found the village pervert to me. :rolleyes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    ok walk away because 1. he's way too old and 2. he's engaged
    not a good thing to get yourself into, leave him be - he's not the only guy in the world, you're only 14

    Exactly. And what's wrong with finding someone your own age, or not bothering at all?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mambo90 wrote:
    but hes really sweet and i have known him for two years before i got together with him
    is it just me or did the word grooming enter anyone elses mind?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mambo90 wrote:
    its a huge age gap but it doesn't really matter and it works out for people
    1. It isn't a huge age gap. Yes, it is an age gap though. My partner is 14 years older than me. From my experience, I can say that age gaps can be possibly trying, especially seeing as I'm 17- and have never had a serious relationship before this one, and he's had a fair few serious relationships.
    2. I'm alarmed that you seem more bothered about the age gap, and not that how young you are- and what a 20 yr old is doing with a 12 yr old?!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    1. It isn't a huge age gap. Yes, it is an age gap though. My partner is 14 years older than me. From my experience, I can say that age gaps can be possibly trying, especially seeing as I'm 17- and have never had a serious relationship before this one, and he's had a fair few serious relationships.

    But the age gap between a 14 and 22 year old sounds huge to me. And it's wrong.
    is it just me or did the word grooming enter anyone elses mind?

    Now you mention it, yes.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote:
    But the age gap between a 14 and 22 year old sounds huge to me. And it's wrong.

    The thing is, it's not just an AGE gap. There's a humungous disparity in experience and expectations between a 14 year old and a 22 year old. I cannot for the life of me see how a 14 year old could meet the expectations any normal 22 year old has from a relationship, and I don't JUST mean the sexual ones either. It's beyond me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miffy wrote:
    The thing is, it's not just an AGE gap. There's a humungous disparity in experience and expectations between a 14 year old and a 22 year old. I cannot for the life of me see how a 14 year old could meet the expectations any normal 22 year old has from a relationship, and I don't JUST mean the sexual ones either. It's beyond me.
    Which is why I think that this guy is vastly lacking in experience and confidence. If he's the type never to get attention from girls, then a 14 year old gets a crush on him and starts giving him loads of attention, that's bound to become appealing to some people. I don't think it's necessarily a case of 'grooming' more a case of in the two years he's known her, no-one else of the opposite sex has given him even a hint of attention. The fact that he proposed to his new girlfriend within a year of me suggests that he's desperate to hold on to her too, and doesn't think that his personality alone will achieve that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote:
    But the age gap between a 14 and 22 year old sounds huge to me. And it's wrong./QUOTE]

    The age difference is only 8 years. Not that big tbh. The alarming thing is the actual ages, not the differences.

    I agree 100% with Miffy from personal experience.
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