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Excuse me while I spend 10 seconds hating my father...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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ok, hating over.
I'll be sitting on top when it all goes wrong again
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ok, hating over.
I'll be sitting on top when it all goes wrong again
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Comments
Now i'm the imposter & the real one's gone forever
If u want help or anything u know where u can find me and all the other advice people...
Keep your chin up mate! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
Atificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Dumbness <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/rolleyes.gif">
*~OtHeR - wOrLdLy~* <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/angel.gif">
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/elefant.gif">
well, it's not ALL fine, cos i'm about to go downstairs to find him sulking, i think i can already SMELL his fucking girlfriend in the house and basically hes prolly gonna be in a pissed off mood. but it doesn't matter, because tomorrow morning he's leavign for a week, so YAY!
I'll be sitting on top when it all goes wrong again
Confidence is the feeling you sometimes have before you fully understand the situation.
- Anon
actually things are bloody brill, what with NO father around for a week. ahhh...total peace, quiet and muse playing! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> hehe
I'll be sitting on top when it all goes wrong again
Maybe the reason you feel pissed at your father is he isn’t respecting you, your feelings, and what you consider your territory. I realize the culture between the US and Britain is different, and your father may not want to discuss things that he considers none of your business, but perhaps if your approach is to show him where he benefits, he may open up some for you. After all, you are his daughter. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"> All dads I know will bend over backwards for their little girl unless he’s a total shmuck.
If you need any suggestions to help him see your side, please feel free to contact me. I’ll try to help where I can. I’ll also try to provide a dad’s perspective on the situation.
Take care and best to you
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem.
Translated: In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags.
2nd off, i'm not a girl <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"> i hate to think how u came to that conclusion, but ne'er mind, i'm male. *checks*. yeop, still male.
ok, now the serious part. u hit the nail right on the head, and for that i'm impressed. unfortunately, it wasn't anything i didn't already know. when my mum first left, we grew very close cos for the first time in 16 years, he opened up. and he opened up to me. and at that time, when we were close, i told him, i dont want him having a relationship while i'm still in the house (one more year from now, so about 2 years from when we talked). and, from what i remember, he agreed.
and yes, a 10 months later, what does he do? hooks up, and then tries to justify it to me. i dont want a piece of it. i tolerate her, barely, but im still not happy about the whole thing.
so at the end of the day, it is a little respect is all that i ask. but i aint gonna get it, cos he wont listen. i so much as bring up the fact that i dont like her around the place, i'll get argued into a corner i can't get out of. he keeps claiming that i SHOULD accept her cos it's not the same as my mums bf (she ran out of our house into her arms). i think the whole things a farce and both my rents should jump off a very high cliff, but hey, it'd mean i'd be left to look after the dog.
right now, they're my parents. i give them the minimum amount of love i need to in order to be fed housed and be given enuff money to live well. call me an ungrateful bastard, i dont care. teh sooner i'm out of this shithole, the better.
thank you for making me think about it and getting me in a bad mood <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"> and calling me a girl <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
thanks for the post anyways mate, is more appreciated than i let on. see ya's.
If there's anything more important than my ego around here, i want it caught and shot now
I wasnt really 100% sure of the problem u had with you dad and stuff, although I knew u were not happy at home I didnt exactly no why. Now I do and I can see why u r upset but also I can see your dads side.
It must be really hard having your parents split up, finally getting a better relationship with your dad and having him to yourself and then have some woman walk into his life and suddenly u havent got him all to yourself and and his time is shared between u and his new girlfriend.
It would be hard just having your parents split up, not to mention havng to accept another woman into your life when I can imagine u just want things to be how they were b4 all the shit happened.
As much as I totally think what u r feeling is natural and definatly how I would feel in some ways, I also think u should think about your dad in all of this. Im not saying u havent thought of him but maybe its just hard to see his side being his son and all.
As u no Im a single mum and Im always worrying about the future and how Liam will be if I meet someone else. My main concern is that he is happy and that Im doing my best for him. However I would never not let myself have a relationship with a bloke base on the fact Liam wants me all to himself!
I dont dout for one minute its really hard and I guess really hurtfull to have this sranger come into your life and have an effect on your dad, but the fact is he dont deserve to be on his own for the rest of his life and he has every right to want and need somebody else. Why should he have to wait untill u no longer live at home?
Personally I dont think he is doing anything to disrespect u, he is simply doing what most people would and trying to find someone to share all the things that partners do. Im certainly not going to not see blokes just because Liam wants me to wait untill he is no longer at home, why should I have to do that?
Listen, I dont no if theres more to this than what it seems and maybe theres more thats gone on to make u feel like this towards your father but whatever has happened Im sure your dad only wants to be happy and enjoy the rest of his life and that includes having his son around.
Just gotta add that it does work the other way round too though. For instance Id never put a bloke before Liam and if Liam hated him due to the bloke being wrong then the bloke is the one who would go.
Id never accept any man treated Liam unreasonably and I cant understand mothers that watch their sons get hurt by the wankers that aint even their fathers...thats really not right at all!
Hope u can see where Im coming from and please dont think Im saying what u r feeling is wrong in anyway....coz we cant always help the way we feel.
Turtle, please accept my most sincerest apology on the gender switch. I got carried away with the theme of my daughters.
One of my house rules is no lying. We joke around, play around, pull practical jokes, ect. However, if one of us requests the truth, no matter how painful telling the truth is, we tell the truth. If your father lies to you, you’re not going to respect him. It’s a two way street; You can’t lie to your father and have him continue to respect you.
If your father agreed he’s not going to have a relationship while you’re living in the house, then he should abide by his agreement. I have to say, in my opinion, that promise should not have been made. Having a woman (and/or a man) around the house to provide a role model is important for both lads and lasses. There are some things that are learned through experience. Being a third party to a relationship where the woman shows how a woman gives her support to her husband is important (The other way around is true too). How are you to know how to give emotional support to your lady friend if you never had a proper role model? I’m learning this the hard way with my daughters. I never was around when my sister was going through her puberty and "women issues", so I never learned what I could and should do.
You have the right to be upset at your father for him going back on his word. That should never have happened. If he wanted to have a girlfriend, then he should have explained it to you. I too should never had made the promise I made to my daughters; They need a proper female role model around the house. I have explained to them the reasons why I should never had made my promise. To be honest and fair to them, I will keep my promise until they release me from the promise. That way, they know they can trust me and respect me. They will also have no reason to lie to me.
Take care, and best wishes
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem.
Translated: In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags.
Don't you want your Dad to be happy?
He's obviously been hurt by the past as well, and now he's developing another relationship you seem to begrudge him a life or identity apart from the one he has as your parent.
You ask for a little respect and yet give him none:-
Whoa, that's a heavy trip to lay on him....and unfair. As long as he takes care of you and provides the support you need who the hell are you to dictate to him in such a way? You wouldn't accept such a demand from him, would you?
Believe me I DO understand your sense of betrayal from his broken promise, but you have to remember that he's not just your Dad, he's also a human being.
do i want my dad to be happy? yes. but then i look at how i've approached this whole mess and at the end i put myself at the centre - i am the most important thing in all this, and as such i will go to fairly great lengths to stop myself from getting hurt. that doesn't mean i'm totally selfish, i do help people, but if i'm gonna get hurt by something happening, i'll try and stop it happening.
self preservation, makes my life easier.
L-o-L, i didn't "dictate" it to him, i told him that i didnt think i would be capable of having to go thru the emotional strains of learning to deal with MY father with another woman. that can't be hard to understand, surely?
as for him being a human being...i know, i found that out in the last 15 months. and that hurt as well. if u can imagine a pillar of ur life crumbling in front of ur eyes, and almost bringing u down with it...it's not nice, and i wont forgive him for being so weak other. harsh? yes, very. but as much as i've come to accept all this, i'm still very bitter about the whole thing. i cna't wait until the day i can leave this house.
as much as i still love both m y parents, it's a completely changed relationship since all this mess blew up. i think it was made worse for me becauuse i had to deal with my father...he sunk VERY VERY low into depression and i had to help him out of it with very little help from anyone else. and i'm bitter about that.
i think i'm justified in my views on my father, altho maybe i dont express it well enough here.
63DH8 - apology accepted
lolly - of course u can post an opinion and any advice is always welcome.
If there's anything more important than my ego around here, i want it caught and shot now
another one to add to the list for 2 weeks time!
sorry i cant formulate any intelligent responses to this :-\
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
As hard as it may be for u, if u dont accept it and allow it to happen u will end up having no relationship at all with him and surely thats worse than just accepting he wants to move on and trying to get over it?
U r right in a way when u say in the center of it all is u, but that dont mean u r the only one hurting and what u say and want is the way it should be. In a break up everyone involved suffers in some form and I can imagine your dad has suffered the same as u really.
I can understand your bitterness at having to pick up the peices when your dad sunk so low, Ive been in the same position with my mother who has gone through probably one of the most devastating truths involving her father....who she loved and she was the apple of his eye, all her memories and childhood may as well be made up because of what came out a few years ago.
Understandably this crushed her and at first she ignored the issue and still had him come over at weekends etc...this had a real impact on the way I saw my mother and I will always have that there but knowing how important familly are Ive had to accept it and get over it or risk loosing my mother completly.
The fact is, she was suffering herself and couldnt deal with it and was clueless as to what to do, much like I expect your father was when he agreed to never having a relationship while u were at home and also when he sunk so low.
Thats not a sign of weakness either turtle...and it is a really weak assumption to make about someone who was clearly in pain. But then u r hurting to so maybe it just comes out as anger.
The point of this post is really just to show that if u dont get over your bitterness towards your father for sinking so low and the fact he has moved on u will be sure to completly ruin any kind of relationship... nothing is worth that turtle and one day I hope u see it coz nobody is perfect and even if your dad has done some things wrong and u have had to be the one looking after him for a change just remeber he is only human and people deal with stuff differently, dont be bitter at him leaning on u be gratefull he showed his pain and didnt lock it all up coz trust me thats always worse.
Hope things get better anyway coz I know we r not exactly the best of friends but I can see where this is headed and I just think its important to realsie how important familly really are, life is to short!
But that IS a totally selfish approach to take. There are more people involved in this and more emotions than just you and yours.
Your comment about being "most important thing in all this" shows breathtaking arrogance.
No, but that was they way you put it across, that you told him that he wasn't to have another relationship whilst you were in the house. Perhaps, the post didn't give your feelings justice. I DO understand what you are saying.
Been there when my Dad had a stroke. He was 50 at the time, and thankfully he's still here, but he has a different personality now, and he can't do things we all take for granted. That hurts EVERY time I see him.
We put our parents up on a pedestal - Dads are the protection, advisor, fixer etc - and it hurts when you discover that they have feelings too and that they are fallible.
Why can't you forgive him for being 'weak' - for god's sake he's only fucking human. I can't believe that someone who is apprently intelligent (yes I DO mean you) can be so crass. Don't you realise that YOU are part of the problem here. Do you not think that he may feel guilt about what has happened even though he may not have been able to prevent it?
Bitter with him? Or that no-one else was there for you?
Relationships are two-way, for once he NEEDED you and yet you seem to resent that. Why?
Look, it is EASY for me to sit here and judge you based on the information you have given. It may be that with the full facts I would have had a different opinion.
The advantage I have is that I can see things from his viewpoint because I am a father too. That doesn't mean that I don't sympathise with everything you've said and everthing that you have been through. Sometimes it helps to have someone give you a different perspective and perhaps you should look at your actions from HIS viewpoint and then you may see that your arrogant, stand offish attitude doesn't help your relationship anymore than his dalliance with a new woman.
Two people make a relationship work and it takes two to fuck it up.
but, maybe i just cant make it clear. maybe this whole mess is just too big adn complex for me to put down on paper clearly and comprehensively, and for that, i guess i'm sorry. i would try but it would all come out wrong.
LoL, i can see what ur saying, and yes, maybe i have approached this whole thing completely the wrong way, yes, maybe i've fucked up a whole shitload of things, but at the end of the day, things are back to relatively normal.
yes, i have fallouts with my dad, but i think more nad more now they're over "normal" things, like school work and shit.
i guess maybe i'll come back and express my feelings with eloquence when i've sorted them out and learned how to write...i just seem unable to sit thru and put pen to paper so that other people will catch everything i try to say.
thanks for the help guys, i'll maybe take in some of what u said, but it's all appreciated. i think we should call it a day here.
see y'all round,
Tt
If there's anything more important than my ego around here, i want it caught and shot now