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Temptation fucks you up!!!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all. I need to explain my current situation and I want your opinions and it ain't good but I can't help it.Right,here goes...
Basically,getting straight to the point-I am thinking of being unfaithful.
I am 16 and am in a long term relationship of 19mths and the person I will be getting it on with is 25.
This is how it all happened...Its at my job and we get on and he flirts and I just kind of flirt back.Its fun to pass the shift quickly and he has always hinted that he likes me and I have told him straight I couldn't. I dont really know the real him but he likes fun. He has a kid and is always on and off with the mother. They aren't married. Anyway, to be honest I have come to be tempted to take action on these flirtatious gestures. I don't feel anything for him like the way I do for my boyfriend but it just a fantasy that just pops up everytime we work together. The other night I was on the phone to him and I tried to get it all sorted that we shouldn't be doing this and its wrong. He knew it was wrong but the thing is he made me see it in this perspective:
You like your boyfriend but you are tempted to have a fling with me.No strings attached just some fun.So if we do just dont tell and then no-one wil be hurt and no-on else would know. At 16 just have fun. If you want to do something then do it.
I see his point but I feel like such a hypocrite and a bitch and I am really aren't I but I can't help it. Seriously though it si no strings attached and no-one will know. Should I?I don't want to split up with my boyfriend but this temptation is now really strong.
Also can I am afraid of what my co-worker will think of me.Easy or what? Will he think lower of me?
Please help.I am just so fucked up at the mo...
Basically,getting straight to the point-I am thinking of being unfaithful.
I am 16 and am in a long term relationship of 19mths and the person I will be getting it on with is 25.
This is how it all happened...Its at my job and we get on and he flirts and I just kind of flirt back.Its fun to pass the shift quickly and he has always hinted that he likes me and I have told him straight I couldn't. I dont really know the real him but he likes fun. He has a kid and is always on and off with the mother. They aren't married. Anyway, to be honest I have come to be tempted to take action on these flirtatious gestures. I don't feel anything for him like the way I do for my boyfriend but it just a fantasy that just pops up everytime we work together. The other night I was on the phone to him and I tried to get it all sorted that we shouldn't be doing this and its wrong. He knew it was wrong but the thing is he made me see it in this perspective:
You like your boyfriend but you are tempted to have a fling with me.No strings attached just some fun.So if we do just dont tell and then no-one wil be hurt and no-on else would know. At 16 just have fun. If you want to do something then do it.
I see his point but I feel like such a hypocrite and a bitch and I am really aren't I but I can't help it. Seriously though it si no strings attached and no-one will know. Should I?I don't want to split up with my boyfriend but this temptation is now really strong.
Also can I am afraid of what my co-worker will think of me.Easy or what? Will he think lower of me?
Please help.I am just so fucked up at the mo...
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Comments
Temptation can mess a person up and your 16, isn't the best age for a long term relationship. Question tho: DO you think you could keep this from your b/f if you did it? guilt isn't easy to deal with, it eats away at you.
Basically what I'm saying don't listence to the guy because, he's a guy and most of them will say or do anything for sex. Think about if you did it how it would change sex with your boyfriend.
To be honest cheeky it seems like a a big risk your talking about 19 months of your life and someone who I image cares about you for a one night stand thing.
shit when did I become such a drag, knowing me at 16 would have chosen the one night stand lol anyway
You have alot to think about cheeky, I wish you the best of luck
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/catman.gif">
take a look at him - 25, not married, unstable relationship, has a kid, is flirting with someone 9 years younger...at a workplace
and you would take his advice rather than being faithful to your boyfriend?
i wouldn't have thought so
Playing with fire will ultimately see you burnt <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/ukliam2.gif">
As I do have some experience in the area of being unfaithful <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/redface.gif"> I can say that having two people on the go at the same time may sound good, and even be good for a while, but it will almost always turn round AND BITE YOU ON THE ASS!! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/eek.gif"> There is no way to get out of that situation, once you start it, that will leave you smelling of roses. At least two or possibly all three of you will receive a large amount of grief if you go ahead, I mean it sure sounds easy now, but just wait and see.....
Of course this shouldn't be the biggest reason to deter you, it should be that you love your boyfriend and would never do anything to hurt him, so I guess your relationship can't be all that strong.
As Master Devilish (why do I read that as Mister Devilfish every time I see it??) says, I'd be damn suspicious of a 25-yr old chasing a 16-yr old too. I'm 24 and thought I was fairly out of order chasing an 18-yr old not so long ago, without knowing either of you I'd have to call him a perve (if you were both a little older it wouldn't matter so much, there's a 9-yr difference between me and my lady). He's trying to convince you to have no-strings sex, an idea that really must appeal to him if he knows your situation, but never works out in the real world.
I know how tempting it is to form relations at work, (I work in a departmant entirely staffed by women apart from myself!!) because you spend a big part of the day there with the same people every day and you always have something in common, if you do it will change the atmosphere at work though.
So my advice would be don't do it, but why listen to me?? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/confused.gif"> At your age I'd ignore all this and do it anyway, hormones being what they are, the best way to learn is from your own mistakes, not mine. Either way will you tell us what happens??
[This message has been edited by Lord of Little (edited 20-07-2001).]
You have to choose because otherwise your bf will get very hurt. I would think that after 19 months he really trusts you and cares for you. I know what it's like to have your trust broken by someone you love, and it is the worst feeling in the world. If you love your bf you'll think long and hard about the hurt it would cause him. I also think you'll find that it wouldn't just be him that's hurt, but you too.
Perhaps your relationship is going through a weak patch otherwise I doubt that you would be considering this fling.
Please think carefully about the way your boyfriend would feel and don't try to balance them both, it's much better to choose.
Me, personally, I'd choose the stable and loving boyfriend, it seems to me that the older guy only wants you for one thing and is it really worth it??
Hope everything works out well, and you don't end up hurt.
It'll be fun at first but then you'll start falling for him or something, I'd stay clear and concentrate on your b/f.
One of Heaven's lil Angels <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/angel.gif">
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/elefant.gif">
I have been a cheatee... altho i was always the single one so i had nothing to lose. In your situation there are lots of things that can go wrong.. Having an 'affair' or a fling with an older man who has children?? I know this may sound harsh but it seems as if it wasnt you it would only be someone else.. he seems like his just looking for a sence of escapism and your there.
If you love your boyf (u dont really go into this!) is it really worth losing him over one little fling??
You say no one will eva find out but believe me they eventually will.. I had a long term fling with a guy i worked with and he had a girlf and she found out.. GOD knows how but she did.. she rang me up and cried down the fone to me and it was AWFUL!
Unfortunately this situation can only end in disaster.. if i was u id stay well clear.
Good Luck whatever you decide.
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> Lxxx
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.contrabandent.com/pez/otn/angels/littleangel.gif">
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, scary flash of Fatal Attraction, i suggest u watch that film if u want to be put off the idea... what if u do have a 'fling' and then he decides he wants more, he can use it as bribery and mess up your present relationship... also, why do you feel you need this fling? Perhaps you need to look at your present relationship and see if you are happy... good luck, hope you make the right choice...
I really am mucked up. I'll be back at work tomorrow. Its meant to happen then. I'll just go with the flow.
I will keep youse posted. Please dont ignore me for what I am doing. I need your help. Thank you.I'm not usually like this at all. I'm alsways known as very loyal but at the mo something has just fucked me up.
Hiya <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
Well...when in to temptation, i felt so guilty and eventually had to tell my boyf! He was hurt, but hes sort of over it! It might not be the same situation but still! Your life though, just hope you dont end up hurt!
Love Miss_Kxxxx <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.mpz.co.uk/cwm/kao/mamies/wink-k.gif">
It seems to me that your the only one talking he risks, if everyone finds out about you two then he loses nothing, but u will lose your bf's trust (thats the best case scenario) aswell as respect from people you know, for cheating on you bf wi a 25yr old, he will be seen as a stud by all his mates, its likkely you will be seen as a slag by yours
If you carry this on you deserve what you get
You said that it was only temptation, wondering how it would be to kiss someone else, now you're saying it has to happen again? I don't understand you and I think that what you're doing should stop NOW! You need to think how much you would hurt if you're boyfriend was doing the same behind your back. I know how much just one kiss hurts let alone a full blown fling.
You say you love your boyfriend but I can honestly say that I don't believe that you understand what love is, if you did, you would not let this carry on
My answers always are no help at all.My feelings have not changed towards my boyfriend. No feelings have grew for the guy. It all still ahsn't sunk in. As soon as I feel guilty I will stop but at the mo it isn't because I am heartless-well I am in a way but it just isn't sinking in and therefore it hasn't satisfied my curiosity. I know I am probably a case of someone you are wasting your breath on but please be patient with me. I need your guidance. I amy not deserve it but please. All I want are serious and honest opinions to make me do the right thing.
I don't wanna be cruel but think what your doing to others around you esp if he's nothing special!!!!! if he was someone you'd fell for i'd understand but he's NOTHING but a bit of fun!
But contradicting myself now, your only 16, rules are made to be broken, you shouldn't be stuck in a long term relationship perhaps if you want fun!
I think I know what you mean. I've been tempted many times in my life, but have turned them down. You see, I take promises very seriously. When I enter a relationship, to me, this is a promise to remain with that person and be faithful. HOWEVER, this is ME. I do not expect others to live by my morals. These are my morals, not other's.
Just a thought, or a rule of thumb to consider, how would you feel if you discovered your boyfriend did the same to you?
Here's something else to consider, if this co-worker is a player, you may end up with less than what you started out with. You could lose your boyfriend because of your co-worker, then have this co-worker pull the same stunt with another co-worker, or tell you the relationship was supposed to be "no strings". I have worked with players before. They boast how they found a young lady and had a wild night with her. A couple of days later, they're boasting how they left her crying on the sidewalk.
All I'll say is be careful. You're young still. Some experiences can be learn by yourself, other experiences are better learned from other people's mistakes.
Take care, and be careful.
LovelyLisa is right......I don't think you deserve to be in a loving relationship that's "supposed" to be based on trust and honesty when you have no clue what these concepts mean. I tell you what cheeky.....if you really wanna know how all this makes you feel why don't you go ahead and tell your boyfriend what you did. Go on! I think his reactions might just make you see the error of your ways. If not, then he can certainly do better than you.
I know everyone's trying to be understanding and that you're at an age where raging hormones can make you do strange things, but it seems you're forgetting one important thing here.....taking RESPONSIBILITY for your actions. So why don't you tell your boyfriend. Or would you prefer to be sneaky about it as well?
Never piss into the wind!!
I do kinda understand why you cheated on your b/f, ive had the same feelings before. I think you're jepodising a lot for a few kisses with this guy. At the moment, you could probably pass it off as a kiss that shouldnt have happened, and although it'd hurt your b/f, you'd be able to talk your way out of it.
However, if you kiss this other guy again, i think the situations gonna be a lot different, you've had chance to think about what you've done but still did it again. Follow me?
I dont think anyone can tell you what to do, and a lot of peole might critisize me for saying this, but if i was in your posistion i'd forget about this whole incident, and NOT TELL YOU'RE BOYFRIEND!! It'll really hurt him, and a kiss with no feelings behind it will ruin a long relationship with someone you obviously love.
Lovelylisa said you cant understand love, but i think you've just not kissed anyone except your b/f for so long you do get curious about other people- ive done it.
I really think that you should think about how much your b/f is gonna get hurt if/when he finds out about this other guy, and if you kiss him again i think you'll have to come clean to your b/f and let him decide what to do next. Its all your choice tho, i suppose it depends how much guilt you feel.
I dont know why it hasnt sunk it that you've kissed someone else, maybe you just never imagined you'd do it so cant adjust to the knowledge that you have done?
Hope all this helps anyway, and good luck whatever you do!! let me know ok?
S&S xx
Im sorry but nobody can make u do the right thing but u. People can give u their oppinions and stuff but only u can change it...but it seems u r not wanting to do this at all.
What u r doing is really out of order and u no this. U may say u dont feel guilty but that dont matter coz deep down u no u r wrong. U dont need to feel guilty to stop what u r doing, thats not an excuse at all.
What u r doing, as u said yourself, is heartless and I cant really understand why u r telling everyone about this when u seem not have have any intention of stopping it at all.
I dont wanna sound like a total bitch but the fact is theres nothing anyone here can do for u, u r the only one who can sort this issue out.
Soz for all this crap but keep your posts coming in but if you think I'm not worth it-good for you.
Anyone out there with similar experiences.I'd like to know the turn out.
Anyone had a relationship with their work colleague?
Hello Cheeky, you really are very cheeky aren't you??
As with all the opinions above I'm against your decision, it isn't fair on your b/f (and how would you feel if the situation was reversed??), the guy sounds like a git, etc. etc.....
On the other hand I do know what it's like to have an affair with someone at work, the temptation really does fuck you up. The difference is, I've now been in a steady relationship with the person I cheated with for over a year now, and I dumped the ex-g/f as soon as was humanely possible. You can't have your cake and eat it you know.........
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