Home› Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options

the whole step parent thing

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I found out today....well i figured it out and mum confirmed because me and my brother aren't supposed to know yet. That my dads got a girlfriend somewhere up in manchester (he's spending this weekend with her) and they've been together for several months and she's already onabout moving down here.
Well, i dunno how to react when my dad actually tells me. And when it comes to meeting her...i really don't know what to do/say. It's going to be so strange for me. She doesn't have any kids, so don't have to worry about step siblings. I just dunno if i'll see them as 'step parents' because i sort of feel too old for it.
I dunno how to be when i meet her, i don't know what to expect. I know i'm sort of jumping ahead here but if they've been together several months and shes already wanting to move then it must be serious.
Any advice?

Comments

  • Options
    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    I've been in pretty much the same situation. Just remember you know nothing about her and just... meet like you'd meet anyone. Get to know her. Don'e biased in any way, not against her, not for her. I don't hink there's anything else to say, good luck.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Offer her an honest friendship.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dont expect too much. You dont have to think of her as a stepmum. just as your dads girlfriend. I think its different if you dont live with them.
    Dont feel under any pressure to build a relationship. Just see how it goes.
    I wouldnt be over friendly with her and be sensitive to how your mum might be feeling about it too.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyCreamcheese wrote:
    dont expect too much. You dont have to think of her as a stepmum. just as your dads girlfriend. I think its different if you dont live with them.
    Dont feel under any pressure to build a relationship. Just see how it goes.
    I wouldnt be over friendly with her and be sensitive to how your mum might be feeling about it too.
    yeah, i think they'd be more of a step parent if i was living with them. My mum seems fine, she said she wishes him the best...she's got a potential on the line whos buying her roses and wanting to take her to paris so she's not left out :p
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just remember that she's probably more scared about meeting you. Remember how you felt introducing boyfriends to your parents or meeting their parents, and times it by a million, and that's probably how she'd be feeling if she met you. Just treat her as a normal friend of your dads, and treat her no better or worse than that.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Slap her silly. She deserves it. :D
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    \
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My dad left my mum when I was three. By the time I was 8 I had a step mum. Now, I know this is much younger, but I think the same thing applies.

    It takes patience, really. It's hard for you, but it'll be hard for her too. Not only does she need to take some kind of mother role with a kid who isn't her own, she also has to deal with being a mother fullstop. This has something she hasn't done before.

    It can be tiring and emotional, but if neither of you make big expectations, you can learn about each other and get to know each other better little by little. Don't be expecting it to be horrible, each.

    You both just need to give each other a chance and see how it goes :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had to deal with my mum getting a boyfriend about 5 years ago, i was 16/17 so probably about your age i think.

    Just have an open mind.

    Treat her like you would treat anyone else
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IWishIWas wrote:
    My dad left my mum when I was three. By the time I was 8 I had a step mum. Now, I know this is much younger, but I think the same thing applies.

    It takes patience, really. It's hard for you, but it'll be hard for her too. Not only does she need to take some kind of mother role with a kid who isn't her own, she also has to deal with being a mother fullstop. This has something she hasn't done before.

    It can be tiring and emotional, but if neither of you make big expectations, you can learn about each other and get to know each other better little by little. Don't be expecting it to be horrible, each.

    You both just need to give each other a chance and see how it goes :)
    thats the thing i don't want though, i don't want her to be a mum because i already have a mum, i won't be living with them anyways so she'll hardly be a parent figure, just my dads girlfriend. I suppose it'll feel more like shes taking my dad away from me, i know she's not but that'll be how i feel with him spending less and less time here when he isnt already working then probably eventually moving out to live with her. I know it doesnt stop him being my dad and all that but its the begining of my family being broken up.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    treat her like you would any other person. it might be hard for you thinking of your dad with someone else but remember she hasn't done anything wrong.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    thats the thing i don't want though, i don't want her to be a mum because i already have a mum, i won't be living with them anyways so she'll hardly be a parent figure, just my dads girlfriend. I suppose it'll feel more like shes taking my dad away from me, i know she's not but that'll be how i feel with him spending less and less time here when he isnt already working then probably eventually moving out to live with her. I know it doesnt stop him being my dad and all that but its the begining of my family being broken up.

    Hmm... I see what you mean.

    With me, it's turned out that my step dad has been more of a dad than my real father ever has and ever will be.

    I hardly know my step mum. We get along, but I barely know her. I never call her Mum. But I always call my step dad Dad.

    It depends on your situation. If she doesn't need to fill the role as a mum, she could be a good big sister, that buys you stuff. :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    IWishIWas wrote:
    With me, it's turned out that my step dad has been more of a dad than my real father ever has and ever will be.

    I hardly know my step mum. We get along, but I barely know her. I never call her Mum. But I always call my step dad Dad.

    same here. my step-dad has been fantastic. my dad lives a 5 hour train journey away so i haven't really seen him more than once or twice a year for the past 10 years or so - whereas i live with my step-dad (though he spends much of the time working abroad). so it's not that my dad is to fault in anyway but my step-dad seems like more of a dad to me.

    my dad only recently got re-married (april) from divorcing with my mum around 14 years ago however he was with his wife for around 8 years before they got hitched. i get on with her fine and she's nice but she'll never really feel like a step-mum to me. perhaps it's 'cause i've never lived with her. :chin:
Sign In or Register to comment.