Friend just found out ex is gay

Former Member · June 2006

One of my best friends just found out that her ex of 8months is gay.

I honestly don't think she was over him when she found out, even though they broke up last Feb.

She's feeling pretty shit and confused - is it her fault, what was she to him etc.

I guess I just need some advice to cheer her up, and any of your stories - open discussion

Former Member · June 2006

I seriouly doubt your friend turned him gay. More than likely, her ex was already thinking about both sides of the rainbow before the met, I honestly don't believe people just become "gay" spontaneously.

If it were me, I would laugh and jokingly say she seems to have made sure no girl was ever going to get that guy, but then again, my humour can be pretty dark some days. :hyper:

Former Member · June 2006

pacman326 wrote:

I seriouly doubt your friend turned him gay. More than likely, her ex was already thinking about both sides of the rainbow before the met, I honestly don't believe people just become "gay" spontaneously.

If it were me, I would laugh and jokingly say she seems to have made sure no girl was ever going to get that guy, but then again, my humour can be pretty dark some days. :hyper:

I agree with that and if it is an ex anyway, your friend shouldn't be worried about that... It's really rare the people turn others gay...

Former Member · June 2006

Former Member · June 2006

one of my exes left me for a man. it happens.

it actually made me feel a bit better when i heard, cause at least i knew it wasn't anything i'd done wrong, or that i was hideous or annoying. he just didn't swing my way.

i think a lot of gay people try to have straight relationships when they are young and confused, and it can take that to make them realise that it's not what they want at all.

Former Member · June 2006

does your friend look like a man?

**helen** · June 2006

sophia wrote:

She should be relieved. They didn't split up because there was something wrong with her/she's unattractive etc, he was gay so it was never going to work out.

:yes: I agree. It's great that you are eager to be there for your friend, just knowing you are there is probably a great comfort to her right now. - TheSite has an article called Friends in need - if you scroll down to the last paragraph then there is a section called 'Dumped' which talks about offering support to friends when a relationship ends which you might find helpful.

You might also want to think about making plans for a holiday, or weekend break away, maybe with some other friends too? Having something to look forward to might help her to focus on the future, and realise that life does go on.

Former Member · June 2006

Take her for some wild nights out! Two of my ex's are shacked up with guys these days. Same thing has happened to loads of people as I discovered. Although it seems bazar at the time! Is more to life than just one person as well.

Former Member · June 2006

same happened to me
was years and years ago and wasn't really relationship looking back, but was for nearly 2 years. had begun to be good mates agin had same friends etc, this time last year saw a lot of him and another male friend, just frinds nothing more well they started using me for money and lifts, started saying no hardly heard from them turns out they are both gay but neither of them told me they have tried to hide it from me making me feel like i've sone something wrong when I've not and people who know them have found it difficult to speak to me happend at two 21st hardly anyone spoke and npw hardly hear from them anymore.
Sorry this is a rant really but at the end of the day hardly any of my so called mates bother with me anymore seems like you have to be gay to fit in :-(

Former Member · June 2006

I'm only responding because your an MCR fan. But no it is far from her fault. I can see why she would be down I mean ouch! the man you love/loved is gay makes you feel foolish/used. I have always found the best remdey for that is to be deeply appericate. So if you could show your friend that she matters to you and is important that may help. It takes a long time to get over someone you care about and with this added news it may take even long. So don't push her too hard just be there as the supportive caring friend who is able to talk on the phone and hang out there isn't too much else you can do really

Former Member · June 2006

sophia wrote:

She should be relieved. They didn't split up because there was something wrong with her/she's unattractive etc, he was gay so it was never going to work out.

on another unrelated note are you a fall out boy fan

Former Member · June 2006

It can be really awkward his end too, I know exactly what it's like to be confused and in a relationship.

She really shouldn't take it to heart, a lot of people who haven't been through it really don't know what it's like just not to know what you are and how you fit in, it's a fucked up time.

He was part of her life for quite a while, it doesn't invalidate the time he spent with her and it doesn't mean he was lying all the way through the relationship. It's just the way things turn out, but if she's really fucked about it, make sure she knows her friends are there and that they love her and stuff.

Just the usual stuff you would do when a mate feels a bit down.

Former Member · June 2006

Bri-namite wrote:

It can be really awkward his end too, I know exactly what it's like to be confused and in a relationship.

She really shouldn't take it to heart, a lot of people who haven't been through it really don't know what it's like just not to know what you are and how you fit in, it's a fucked up time.

He was part of her life for quite a while, it doesn't invalidate the time he spent with her and it doesn't mean he was lying all the way through the relationship. It's just the way things turn out, but if she's really fucked about it, make sure she knows her friends are there and that they love her and stuff.

Just the usual stuff you would do when a mate feels a bit down.

Good advice :yes:

Former Member · June 2006

My BF has slept with a girl before and it hurts me even though it was in the past.

He was 14 and she was, I didn't even know him then, but they had sex. he still hangs around with that girl and she is always all over him especially when out clubbing and it gets to me. One she tried to start a fight with me and my BF diodn't do anything to stop her.

It angers me.

We're now both 18 and it upsets me a great deal that he has slept with a girl. I've never slept with a girl but I just feel as though I want to so I'm on the same level as he is.
At that time he was trying to convince him self he was straight and then he came Bisexual but now he is gay. He has always been gay he told me.

Sorry to barge in on this thread but I feel this closelty relates.

But I have a question... how do i make my urges go away? I mean, I just want to sleep with a girl so I don't feel like a pathetic virgin with girls whereas he isn't nor most people. Just upsets me. might sound stupid but it's just the way I feel. help!

Friend just found out ex is gay

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