Are tranquilizers the way to go?

Former Member · June 2006

It's a bit of an understatement saying I have no people skills. I am really nervous and guarded and it takes such a great effort for me to let strangers close to me, and I'm hopeless at approaching them on my own.
I've been on a three day music festival, with the last night tonight. The first night a guy approached me and one of the first things he asked was why I was so shy.

I think he later backed off when my brother had come to talk to me as we were there together. Then last night I went to meet my friend after I went downtown and she so effortlessly talked to people and approached strangers that it made me feel like bawling my eyes out.

I just don't know what to do. I've been trying so hard to improve this aspect in my life and have progressed but it's been so slow and it's beginning to drag me down. Everything I do feels so forced and I just don't know how to get me to relax and let down this barrier of mine. I feel like I'm living my life from the back seat and I desperately want to change it.

I don't drink but I'm getting sorely tempted to see if it helps any to get hammered. :yeees:

Former Member · June 2006

Hmm, they may help in the short-term but long-term addiction to them will more likely than not aggravate the situation you are already in. I wouldn't advise any kind of drug to anyone who suffers with anxiety unless it's absolutely crippling and a life long drug-addiction is worth lessening that anxiety rather than working through it yourself. Speak to your GP and he may be able to get you some Cognitive Behavoural Therapy or even a councillor may help. Think about it, drugs should be the last resort. Trust me.

And by the way I am addicted to tranquilizers (Diazepam) so I know what I'm talking about, I'm currently on a tapering regimen to come off them. I only really did them recreationally for a laugh and stuff but they did make me more social and stuff, but believe me it's like seeing life through a cloud and they mess with your memory and stuff.

Also SSRI's that are supposed to help with anxiety are addictive also. So go for the therapy route first, and try not to worry about what people think etc... don't overthink everything, train yourself and face it. It's the only way you'll truly get over it/through it.

Sound reasonable?

Former Member · June 2006

ps a few beers when going out will likely loosen you up, but it could become a habit and come to a point were you cant go out without a drink etc. you need to tread carefully in your situation. act if you have to, thats a bit of good advice.

Former Member · June 2006

A little alcohol generally helps more than it hinders. I used to have no confidence when talking to strangers - some pople would call it being shy, but to me I was just scared of being rejected. If you don't communicate with people, then they can't really think any bad of you

.

It isn't the answer though. And whilst a little alcohol helps, that isn't the answer either. The real answer is 'fuck them'. If they don't like you, then it is their loss. And with the amount of irritating people in the world, there is a higher chance that you'll dislike them more than they dislike you.

Don't feel sad about struggling to talk to people - most people experience it at one time or another. There will come a day where you can look back and wonder just how you found it so difficult

.

I find it pretty easy to make smalltalk with people who work in shops. Maybe that would be a good place to start? All you have to do is pick someone who looks bored with their job, and as they're scanning the stuff through, just say 'You look bored'. They'll normally respond with something along the lines of how naff their job is, how they should be down the pub, or how they're still hungover from the night before. You might even make them giggle

.

And even if you don't who cares? It's only a stranger, and you wouldn't have liked them anyway

.

Former Member · June 2006

Yeah, try daft-smalltalk, always leads to conversation.

Former Member · June 2006

I occasionally have a drink or two but I've only once felt a bit tipsy (and frankly, I got quite irritated :P) but I've been thinking I'll drink a bit tonight. I did drink yesterday but not a lot. Not enough to alter much.

I work in a shop and it was the best job I could have gotten at the time. It's helped me with small talk but I'm still stiff. I keep telling me I must make up for time I lost when huncing over my computer in the past, but I'm getting so impatient now. But you are right, I must approach more strangers and just do some smalltalk. I usually shy away from it even if I want to, which leads me to think my main problem is biting the bullet and just doing stuff. I can have my moments, like when Ladytron were playing and for a while I thought I was the only person dancing and I just couldn't care less.

But staying at the I-don't-care stage is the tricky part.

Must try harder, eh? :P

Former Member · June 2006

Just go for it. You'll only kick yourself more if you dont

Former Member · June 2006

Uprising wrote:

Yeah, try daft-smalltalk, always leads to conversation.

I found this last Sunday evening when I was out; mainly with strangers. Spoke to a few people and was alright after a while.

Former Member · June 2006

Jaloux wrote:

I don't drink but I'm getting sorely tempted to see if it helps any to get hammered. :yeees:

yeah. alcohol will loosen your tongue. but start drinking loads and talking to strangers and i guarantee you'll get a lot of attention. but completly the wrong sort.
i don't really think anybody lets strangers get close in an emotional sense. i cannot see how that could even be possible. but as Click said, try just making small talk occassionally or copying your friends and keep trying and it should get easier the more you practise it.

Former Member · June 2006

Well, Jaloux and I have exchanged a good few PMs this afternoon. She really doesn't come across as being shy or uncomfortable with talking - she just comes across as a lovely young lady and a good source of interesting conversation.

Just be yourself in real life and you'll have no problems whatsoever. You're just as human as the rest of us, and as such have the same rights to speak and be heard.

Former Member · June 2006

Being too busy dancing and enjoying the music, I didn't really get to do anything on Sunday. Was too bored in a family cake party on Monday to feel like chatting much but have decided to push myself starting today and track my progress. It's harder to deny anything is happening if I got it on paper.

I know I can do it, I just tend to focus so much on the setbacks sometimes. Overall my self confidence has grown a lot the past two years, only, the social confidence decided to trail behind.

Again, thanks for the advice, guys. They've helped motivate me.

Former Member · June 2006

Just drink. If you end up not getting laid, well, there's always more beer.

Former Member · June 2006

junker wrote:

Just drink. If you end up not getting laid, well, there's always more beer.

Wow! You win dumb post of the week! Did you even read a single post in this thread before comin up with that pearl of wisdom?

To Jaloux- I think it really takes pretending that you're confidant and accepting that while you're still in the approaching people training stage you are going to make a few bloopers, get rejected etc. But really, nothing 'actually' bad will happen- embarrasment might feel bad but try to think of it as not even real and that the stranger won't think of it beyond a minute. For instance, I can't think of a single incident where I've spoken to someone with lame social skills but can easily remember a funny exchange with a random...

Former Member · June 2006

No, I generally read the first post and reply to it. All other posts generally aren't directed at me so I have no reason to scan through every single one.
I gave my insight: In my opinion and experience, it's better to have a few brews then to go down benzo boulevard.

Are tranquilizers the way to go?

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