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joke
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in General Chat
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other day. We lost
track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy
together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in
meeting up and rekindling a little of that "magic."
Wow!" I said. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now. I'm a bit
older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"
She just giggled and said she was sure I'd "rise" to the challenge.
"Yeah," I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline
that's a few inches wider these days!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying that
tubby bald men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.
"Anyway," she giggled, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"
So I told her to f**k off
track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy
together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in
meeting up and rekindling a little of that "magic."
Wow!" I said. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now. I'm a bit
older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"
She just giggled and said she was sure I'd "rise" to the challenge.
"Yeah," I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline
that's a few inches wider these days!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying that
tubby bald men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.
"Anyway," she giggled, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"
So I told her to f**k off
0
Comments
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.
The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor."
"No, from all that skipping."
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!"
A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"
The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk. The Scotsman stands up yelling: "R-r-run ya Bahstard, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans chuckle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whispers, "He doesn't have to run, he got four balls."
"Walk with pr-r-ride man!"
ETA: nah.. it wont be funny to you lot.
One to change the lightbulb, and one to drive down to Kent to pick him/her up.
I wonder what it all means... :chin:
I like the Man Utd one, Hate Man Utd!!
Rawr, boo to Man U
Btw, forgot to add, round of applause to http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml foremly http://www.jokes.com for those lovely winners
Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin!
Ok, I think I made it up, but its such an obvious joke I'm sure its been done before.
Why do Brits smell? Cuz they eat beans for breakfast
Yeah...
I only joke, I love some of you all. Even the french don't really stink
Oh my first joke, and all I get is a chuckle :crying: Thats right... I cried.
Maybe we should go on tour together. :yes: