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Dumped...but Confused!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So, i was in a relationship, a long-distance relationship which i never intended to get into, but did because i just fell for the girl so much.
Well, she was telling me last night all the things she had planned for when we see each other next and telling me how great it will be. Then today i get a text saying she has to talk to me. So we talk...and she says she cannot do this anymore. She cannot do the long-distance thing with me, she feels she is missing out (she is 4 years younger then me) and needs to be single incase she might cheat on me which she doesnt want to, but their are guys tempting her at home.
Well, after a LONG discussion and serious heart to heart, we came to a friendly break up, that we were going to see other people if we could, but stay friends (which i wanted and she did too). But in a year she will be at uni near me, either Leeds where i live or York which is just up the road and she said if she gets into them, we might end up back together when it is not long distance anymore. She also wants to keep seeing me when ever she gets the chance to and she said she would probably easily fall into old habits with me (sex) when we do see each other, even if she has a new boyfriend or i have a new girlfriend.
I dont know how i feel about the idea of one of us cheating with the other if we see each other in the future and are seeing someone else. I still Love her deeply and i know i will for a long time yet. She also said she would be very possessive if i told her i was seeing someone but would be angry if i was possessive with her.
I am just confused. I havent had many relationships and certainly never had a break up with someone i was still in love with and just am not sure whether to be happy she still loves me, or happy she still wants to have sex with me when she sees me or angry she expects me to be happy she is shagging some new guy but still let her tell me off if i see someone else.
Im confused about it all!!!
Well, she was telling me last night all the things she had planned for when we see each other next and telling me how great it will be. Then today i get a text saying she has to talk to me. So we talk...and she says she cannot do this anymore. She cannot do the long-distance thing with me, she feels she is missing out (she is 4 years younger then me) and needs to be single incase she might cheat on me which she doesnt want to, but their are guys tempting her at home.
Well, after a LONG discussion and serious heart to heart, we came to a friendly break up, that we were going to see other people if we could, but stay friends (which i wanted and she did too). But in a year she will be at uni near me, either Leeds where i live or York which is just up the road and she said if she gets into them, we might end up back together when it is not long distance anymore. She also wants to keep seeing me when ever she gets the chance to and she said she would probably easily fall into old habits with me (sex) when we do see each other, even if she has a new boyfriend or i have a new girlfriend.
I dont know how i feel about the idea of one of us cheating with the other if we see each other in the future and are seeing someone else. I still Love her deeply and i know i will for a long time yet. She also said she would be very possessive if i told her i was seeing someone but would be angry if i was possessive with her.
I am just confused. I havent had many relationships and certainly never had a break up with someone i was still in love with and just am not sure whether to be happy she still loves me, or happy she still wants to have sex with me when she sees me or angry she expects me to be happy she is shagging some new guy but still let her tell me off if i see someone else.
Im confused about it all!!!
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Comments
I know nothing is black and white, but it's simply you break up or you stay together. It'll only fuck you up if break up but still do couply things or whatever.
It's late and i don't really make sense but you get what i mean.
that was the first thing that came into my head too.
In the end it sounds like you will just end up getting hurt. Do you really want to be hoping for a relationship that might never happen?
Thing you have to remember is that she's still there. Justnow I'd imagine your both on OK terms? I've no idea what your relationship is like, but there's a chance that there could be underlying hurt feelings and stuff?
I think if you keep it as a "We'll see" thing then you might end up arguing. Proper big style. Loads of tears, and I think it'd end up in a totally shit break up. My ex did that to me, left me hanging and it still hurts like a fucker when I think about it too much. It'd have been way easier just to make a clean break of it.
I reckon you should think about finishing it properly. If you end up crossing paths at uni then happy days, if not then it aint meant to be.
People dont tend to dump people they still love even if things are difficult.
She definitely wants her cake and to eat it and i bet shes well happy now youve given her the green light and youre not even mad at her.
Usually yeah, but maybe not in a long distance thing?
I can well imagine myself being in a long distance thing with someone and then just finding the going too tough, even if I loved the lassie.
Third that.
What sucks is i never wanted a long distance relationship, i was happy been friends and she was the one after me, now im the one who is dumped and depressed and she is happy as can be.
tell her to do one, cheeky cow.
i wouldn't advise 'seeing' an ex, it works for a while but not if one is more attached than the other.
We had a chat and she has hit me with the revelation that actually she doesnt love me and never did. She only liked me a bit and everything she said about been in love and wanting me to fall in love with her was just some thing she said but didnt mean.
She is happy to be friends with me but we are very much done in any romanctic sense and she isnt even considering universities around here anymore, she went from York and Leeds as her first choices to only wanted St Andrews and apparently she was just telling me she liked York because she knew it was "what i wanted to hear".
I know have reached this conclusion...She is a total, horrible, selfish, fucked up in the head, lying cunt of a bitch! Thats my conclusion from all this.
Luckily i havent gone and vented any anger on her, i have just let her be. But still, right now its hard not to feel bitter about it all, one day, top of the world, the next, not so much.
Oh well, Thank you Sophia, and indeed everyone who has offered up advice. It is much appreciated!
Keep busy! And let your friends tell you not to contact her if you feel tempted. My friend completely saved me from embarassing myself.