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Being british (humor)
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
in General Chat
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a
Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish
kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.
Oh and......
Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the
back of the shop to get their prescriptions - while healthy people can buy
cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a
DIET coke.
Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to
the counters.
Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive
and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then
have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to
talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating
rink.
NOT TO MENTION...
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations
were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling
accidents.
101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of
the soles of their feet.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit
cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after
opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of Control
Scalextric cars.
and finally.........
In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.
Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish
kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.
Oh and......
Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the
back of the shop to get their prescriptions - while healthy people can buy
cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a
DIET coke.
Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to
the counters.
Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive
and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then
have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to
talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating
rink.
NOT TO MENTION...
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations
were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling
accidents.
101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of
the soles of their feet.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit
cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after
opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of Control
Scalextric cars.
and finally.........
In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
0
Comments
How many frenchman does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
---All of them. One to screw the bulb in, and the rest to brag about how great Frenchmen are at screwing.
---It doesn't matter; If you're depending on the French to do the job it's screwed anyway
:razz:
I know it spelt with a u and spelt it american on purpose...
However, there is NO WAY this is exclusive to Britain. I've even seen it in France
Well I think lots of women around the globe do that one...
And then say it's cos the like they taste better... :yeees:
Also I once got a huge bruise in the middle of my forehead from being sick in the toilet! It was really embarrassing!
Especially if you suck on the straw really hard...it works your muscles more.
None. Soviet lightbulbs do NOT fail.
It would be funnier if the USSR still existed. But either way... most of hte above is amusing and true.