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Hurt, confused, not sure what to do.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I started university in September and everything was fine until my twin sister died.

Things have become complicated, friends i have made at uni, seem to think that im lying about my sister being dead. They say this because me and parents are not speaking.

The reason we do not speak is because my parents lied to me about my sister, her occupation and how she died. My friends do not realise how this is hurting me and im scared of losing their friendship.

I want them to support me, but they seem to be pushing me away and i do not know where to turn for help.

I thought friends were there to help and support you. I would support any of my freinds and i certainly would not lie to them.

I dont know what to do? Does anyone have any solutions? It feels at the moment that im being pressured to leave or lead a life at uni without friends.

My university is different to others there are only 500 undergraduates compared to 2000 postgrads.

Do i keep these friends and not confide in them about how im feeling? Or should i leave uni and change to a different one? Please help me.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Poor you! Sounds tough! If its any consolation i started 6th form this year in a new area so I know it can be hard to make new close friends, but I'd probably recommend staying there and trying to sort thing out. I know there aren't many undergrads. at your uni but surely there must be other people who you like and could become friends with?(but don't give up on your current group of friends yet)

    I'm not sure I understood it right but you've tried talking to your friends and they aren't being supportive?? I guess maybe they don't know what to say to you coz it sounds like a kinda complicated situation. Have you tried explaining to your friends that you feel they aren't interested in supporting you and that its hurting you? They probably aren't aware of how you feel or don't know what to do to help you.
    Good luck <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    wotever u do dont leave university. i know you probably feel hurt and alone right now but if u left you would regret it in the future. try and explain to ur friends how ur feeling and that ur not looking for sympathy, just someone to be there to listen to you. if u feel awkward doing that you could try writing it in a letter. and well if u feel that they still dont believe you then they are not real friends. i know its hard to make new friends but there must be other people you know. when my best friend left college i thought i was gonna be a loner but i soon made new friends and now i love it. but wotever you do, dont give up. uni and ur career are far to important to throw away becos of anybody. it wont be long until you're finished and then you'll be able to go new places and meet new people. i really hope it works out for you
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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    sometimes the people who love us push us away when we least want/need them to.

    it must have been terrible for you to lose your twin sister, what happened for your parents to lie about, and do you knoww hy they did it? maybe they were doing it to protect you in some way?

    why are your friends not supporting you in this, its surely a very traumatic time for you, why do they think you woudl lie about your sister dying?! i dont think you should leave uni, just because of the way your friends are treating you. maybe find some other people to talk to if you cant explain to your friends how much theyre hurting you. at the site we're always here for you to talk about stuff or how your feeeling, i know its different from friends in "real life" but it still helps to talk, even if you cant see the person youre talking to.

    i hope some of this has helped.
    It only takes one tree to make a thousand matches, only takes one match to burn a thousand trees
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Firstly I have to say I'm very sorry to hear of your twin passing away.

    Family deaths can be extremly difficult to cope with, and many people cope with them in different ways. Your friends may think that you are lying purely because of the way you are dealing with your greving!

    Even though your parents lied to you about your twin, it may be an idea to build bridges with them, at a time like this you need the love and support of your family.

    If your friends aren't willing to help you, don't think the worst of them, it may be because they don't know how to help you or what to say, they might just be trying to cheer you up, and it is coming across to you as insensitive! Tell them how you feel! Surely you have pictures and things of your twin, show tham the pictures, I can't imagine anyone not believing you if you open up to them!!

    Finally, don't leave university, friends are not worth uprooting your whole life for!!

    If I was you, I'd look at getting some profesional counciling, there must be someone at your uni who can help??

    I hope you find yourself in a better situation soon! Let us know how you get on!!

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im so sorry to hear about ur sisters death, it must b really hard 4 u to deal with <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    I don't think u shud leave uni either, maybe u shud just try to make ur circle of friend wider, y'know speak to ppl uv never spoken to before, and u never know, u mite bcome really good mates wiv 1 of them.

    I think councelling is the best way to go here, they will listen to if u feel like ur not being listened to, and help u and giv u advice.

    Also, maybe u shud try to patch things up with ur parents? Why did they not tell u the truth? Maybe they were just trying to protect u...
    If the sky that we look upon
    should tumble and fall
    or the mountains should crumble in the sea
    I won't cry, I won't cry,
    No, I won't shed a tear
    Just as long as you stand
    Stand by me
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    U POOR THING! i think u should talk 2 ur mum and dad and ask them why they lied tou. these people at uni dont sound like true friednds cos if they were they wouldnt even question about your sister.

    but u need someone who u can confide in about your feelings etc. anyway goodluck
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