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How to change your oil...

BillieTheBotBillieTheBot Posts: 8,721 Bot
in General Chat
Women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube 3000 miles after the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. Fifteen minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.


Men:

1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.

2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

3. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

4. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

5. Place drain pan under engine.

6. Look for 13mm box end wrench.

7. Give up and use crescent wrench.

8. Unscrew drain plug.

9. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on hand in the process.

10. Clean up.

11. Look for oil filter wrench.

12. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips head screwdriver and twist it off.

13. Buddy shows up. Finish oil change tomorrow.

14. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car, dump in hole in back yard.

15. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled.

16. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.

17. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

18. Remember drain plug . . .

19. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. Pan is empty. Find drain plug in back yard hole.

20. Hurry to replace drain plug as last drop of fresh oil drains onto floor.

21. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.

22. Bang head on bumper in reaction.

23. Begin fit.

24. Throw wrench.

25. Clean up. Apply Band-Aid to knuckle.

26. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.

27. Lower car from jack stands.

28. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.

29. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled.

30. Drive car a quart low for 7000 miles when it'll be time for another oil change ....
Beep boop. I'm a bot.

Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm highly offended... I go to casey's... well my [insert male... usually boyfriend or dad] takes the car there... and I sit at home :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Heh, this is quite true ;). When you're not working on ramps, the drain plug generally does fall in the dirty oil pan. And when you retrieve it, the crush washer is missing too.

    Oil filters ONLY come off with a screwdriver and a hammer. Everyone knows that ;).

    Kitty litter is too much hassle. Steal washing powder from the other half, then use her kettle and scrubbing brush. She'll actually be happy to see your grubby fingerprints on the kettle - by doing it yourself, you've saved her another job ;).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hahaha, i've seen it before, but its still funny. The version i saw though ends up costing several grand more at the end because one of the steps is to get busted for drink driving while testing the car. :D
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    Teh_GerbilTeh_Gerbil Posts: 13,332 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Fffffft. My dad never did that, he suceeded with style. Only thing he managed to do was drop the plug into the oil.

    And of course, manage to overfil it afterwards, then just drive it regardless. Won't do any harm, ya know.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bloody well does! You'll knacker your big-ends and blow your crankshaft oil seal. Not all engines are the same though.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For me it's just phone Daddy.
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    Teh_GerbilTeh_Gerbil Posts: 13,332 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Click to see more wrote:
    Bloody well does! You'll knacker your big-ends and blow your crankshaft oil seal. Not all engines are the same though.
    I was taking the piss :p And pffffft. We managed to run our 4-star Beemer 525i on Deisel when he filled it up with the wrong thing. Drove it home then syphoned the lot out and had to clean it and pop some Petrol back in.

    How the FUCK it burnt deisel i'll never know.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Erm... badly, at a guess ;). Still, I'l bet your valve seats were well lubricated for a few miles :).
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    Teh_GerbilTeh_Gerbil Posts: 13,332 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Click to see more wrote:
    Erm... badly, at a guess ;). Still, I'l bet your valve seats were well lubricated for a few miles :).
    :lol: ! If nothing else.

    Apparently my dad got funny looks from people as he drove past with alot of smoke coming out :o And performance was lacking.

    Ah well. He learnt his lesson. Hasn't done it since.
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