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How do I get the spark back?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 8 months now, he is 19 and I am 16 and we r very much in love. However, for some reason in the last month or so our relationship has changed and we r not so passionate towards each other anymore and r more like best friends at times. It is mainly him who has changed, he does not like to show any form of affection towards me in public anymore and he just seems to have become uninterested in the romantic side of our relationship. All this has made me think something is wrong, altho he assures me everything is fine and he really does love me. We have been thru a lot together in the last few months which has made things a bit stressful at times, so I think it might be because we have got ourselves into a bit of a rut that we cant get out of!!! We still have lots of fun together and make a really good couple, but I just wish that "spark" would come back because it is starting to really bother me!!!! We also are considering to have sex soon for the first time, which I am totally happy with coz I really do love him, but I was thinking that there is no point at the moment if the passion and romance isnt there, coz then it wont be as special etc. Has any1 got any tips for me on how I can try and spice things up a bit and get the passion back??? What do you think I should do about this problem???? Any help would be great!! THANKS!
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anyway, i think u should have a really long chat with your bf and get how u feel out into the open. also if i were u id suggest going to the pics or for a meal or summot just to get the mood flowing! and u show him some affection, kissing cuddling him etc.
i think u r right not to have sex with him just yet as if the mood is not right between you then u will both feel awful afterwards. it needs to be special.
is he your first?? if he is then u will need to make it extra special cos my current bf was not my first and my first time was awful, i felt used (no suprize as i was!!!!)
anyway hope all goes well
luv jo xxx
sometimes staying with the same person too long you get used to the usual stuff etc etc. my friend has been with her b/f for 6 years (don't ask me how) but she told me that they're so long together there is not kinda chemistry spark there anymore...they're like a married couple! they don't even hold hands anymore! they still really in love, but the chemistry has just gone and replaced by something more...hmmm...stable and secure??
it has never happened to me...as all my relationships has been...hmmm...short.
talking it through with your b/f is the best option. and tell him you'll not accept "nothing is wrong." take one night...set him down and TALK!!
maybe you're getting to be my friend...or maybe the chemistry is off totally. whatever it is...talk about it and good luck!
Feelings do change as a relationship progresses. Imho i dont think *anything* can get back that original spark that u feel when u first start seeing someone new...other than seeing someone else new LOL <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">, which kind defeats the object. Dont beat yourself over for it. Although it shouldnt become boring and sterile.
Of course you can inject some excitement into it...try doing something new together. A holiday or short break, going out more as in meals/clubbing. A new sport or activity. To be honest, i know that you havent had sex yet but u do say you're ready for it - if you *really* are, then i'm pretty sure that this would inject some life in the relationship lol <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"> although dont have sex for this reason only...
Also, if everything is predictable and easy, then make it not so....dont see each other at a set time and/or place each and every week (ie a routine).
Dont be too easy to 'get' if u know what i mean...let him do some of the running to see you...see your friends socially at certain times and not your b'friend...it'll subconciously let him know that your time is special and he's a lucky lad to be with you.
Playing a little hard to get at times is useful but dont overdo it.
Good luck <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">.
Take a positive attitude, talk to him about his feelings, go out and have fun, be spontaneous is the key. Sometimes relationships get boring because u end up in the same routine like a married couple. Go out 4 a meal or go somewhere 4 the day. Just have fun!
Do new things - offer to give him a massage or something!
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