If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Should I feel like this?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
For years, as long as i can remember actually, i've convinced myself that i really wanna be with someone and that it would be the icing on the cake where my life's concerned etc... Yet, every time i get close to someone, i end up not giving a shite after a couple of weeks. This girl i'm seeing at the minute is really nice, she really cares about me, i've been seeing her for a few weeks, yet i really couldn't care less if she never calls again. It's like, it's all hassal and i've got a busy life and i don't wanna make the effort. I guess sometimes aswell, i like my time alone, and also have never been great at adjusting to change and change of routine etc... Yet, i've been convinced this is what i want since time began! And this isn't the first time i've felt like this - it's been the same with the last 3 or 4 girls i've known. What's wrong with me? Am i dead inside or something?!
Additionally, i guess i should mention that there was this girl back in high school and college that i absolutely loved to pieces and ever since she's been gone from my life i've never felt anything other than a bit of lust for anyone since. Could this be something to do with it? Past hurts? Or maybe i'm looking for some sort of replacement for her that's never gonna come? I've tried to wipe her from my mind, but it never totally goes away. Anyone else ever felt similar?
Additionally, i guess i should mention that there was this girl back in high school and college that i absolutely loved to pieces and ever since she's been gone from my life i've never felt anything other than a bit of lust for anyone since. Could this be something to do with it? Past hurts? Or maybe i'm looking for some sort of replacement for her that's never gonna come? I've tried to wipe her from my mind, but it never totally goes away. Anyone else ever felt similar?
0
Comments
Hi ya LL,
I wouldn't say you are dead inside at all, I would say that is sounds like you just haven't found anyone that you feel really passionate about since this girl you met at high school. Unfortunately (or perhaps not such a bad thing at all) your memory of this girl is unlikely to ever truly go away, but in time I have faith that you will find someone that you really connect with again.
There's a Q&A in our askTheSite archive which isn't exactly the same as your situation but the second para of the question is relevant I would say:
And in turn I think you will find some of the info/advice helpful, particularly the idea that being in a relationship doesn't automatically make us a happier or more complete person. This is actually quite difficult to come to terms with and something many people find hard to accept or acknowledge - but those who can, at least in part, are most likely destined for healthy, fulfilling relationships.
I hope you have fun meeting new people - take care
Yeah, i'm pretty sure the memory won't ever go away, and to be honest i don't want it to totally. Yeah, i used to delude myself with that - thinking that getting a girl would be some life changing thing that makes everything great like in a chick flick or something. But in the last year or so, i've learnt that it isn't like that and i've changed alot (for the better i think) but i guess at the end of the day it still doesn't stop me searching for it. That's just human nature i think.
Like you say, i guess i'll meet someone who it's right with eventually - it's just it's been so long since i've felt anything for anyone (and i've been involved with some great girls in that time) that i'm starting to frighten myself. I'm always the one person in the group who's single, and although it doesn't bother me being single nearly as much as it used to, i'm just starting to ask myself why i am. Again, just normal reaction i think to question yourself sometimes, i'm just trying to work out the answers and i guess, like you say, it's just about meeting the right person.....
Hey no worries - water under the bridge
It definitely sounds like you have the right attitude overall, but sometimes we just can't manage to pull ourselves out of thinking or feeling negatively without help from outside or even our close friends. You don't mention whether you've spoken to any of your friends about how you've been feeling recently, if you haven't it might be worth a try. You might also want to consider a spell of counselling to go through some of the issues you describe or even just chat to someone on the phone such as a counsellor from supportline Tel: 020 8554 9004 . Obviously this kind of thing isn't for everyone, but it's just an option for you to consider.
What I'm trying to say is memories can play tricks, and if you keep thinking this person was the 'one', well all thats going to happen is you're going to imagine more than it really was. Make sense?
And yes at the beginning of relationships, I like them for a couple of weeks, and then stop caring. But I have found that if I try to make an effort, then my feelings redevelop, but in a more affectionate, but still lustful way. Even stronger, if you get what I mean.
And Talia, yeah, sounds very similar to me. I get what you're saying - just gotta work at it i guess!