If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
being too generous
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Without blowing my own horn i'm a pretty generous person, always have been and it's always been fine. Except now i've run out of money and i'm not quite sure what to do. My friends come round all the time and I feed them sandwiches, pasta, give them squash, tea , coffee and cigarettes, I pay for taxis and food the end of a night out and now i'm gonna have to somehow jus say no to everybody. Is there any way of doing this that isn't going to be awkward? Reading it sounds petty but its costing me a fortune. E.g i bought new bread and a little block of cheese last night and I now have 4 slives of bread and half the already little block left. 3 of us "chipped in" on cigs last night except I ended up paying £4.50. I'm simply screwing myself over. Help 
Post edited by JustV on
0
Comments
youre not trying to be a martyr are you?
It's not petty, it's unfair if you always end up paying for taxis and food. Can't you just, the next time you go out, say "I'm a bit short of money tonight" or simply not offer to pay?
If they are real friends they will understand.
ETA: and if your friends are also students, they should understand how tight money can get sometimes
Real friends wont care.
I've got a friend who I love to pieces but whenever he visits he eats me out of house and home! Now I hide my food or make sure I have nothing much in the house and buy a big loaf of cheap bread before he comes so I can fill him up on that and still afford to eat for the rest of the week myself!
Edited to add: You can be genorous with things other than money. You can be genorous to your friends by giving them your time when they need you etc rather than just with spending money on them.
Do you think they're using you?
Agreed. But to me they don't sound like mates at all - they just want you for your money...
When I have, I like to give to the people I care about, and they understandably like to getgetget as most people do
So, I ended up being totally skint from time to time and I ended up having to tighten my purse strings. I agree with what other people have said about not having loads of tasty food around all the time; going to other people's flats too; not offering up the lion's share when you all pitch in for something. It's a difficult to alter your character if you're used to giving freely (and that's the way you definitely sound - no bad thing, but if you can be sensibly generous that's perfect), but try and think practically, you could've avoided being skint at the mo... you could be saving... or buying yourself something tangible rather than just frittering money away slowly on your mates.
I'm not saying you should stop altogether, but don't automatically feel like your hand needs to go into pocket when the subject of buying something comes up, or that you have to open your food cupboards when someone mentions being hungry. It's lovely if you do, but you need to have some food left when you're hungry, that's the bottom line.
Same here. I have people over far more than I visit them. It just goes with living in a great location right :thumb:
Yeh RG goes with living in a good spot
Let them starve to death, then you won't have to tell them anything