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Forgiveness

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Back in November I cheated on my boyfriend. It's the worst thing I've ever done but my boyfriend was wonderful and forgave me.
I felt colossal guilt from the start and didn't think I could handle it. Then I figured that if he loved me enough to forgive me I should face up to the fact that the guilt was the price to pay for what I'd done and try to rebuild the relationship. I've also tried my best not to talk to my boyfriend about how guilty I feel because I don't want to bring it up again and remind him and I don't want him to comfort me (as he would)when I caused him so much hurt in the first place.
The thing is I'm really struggling. I can't sleep and I'm crying all the time. I keep wondering how much it must have hurt when I told him etc etc.
I just don't know how to get over what I've done, I'm trying to face up to it and 'take my punishment' but I feel emotionally exhausted and I don't know what to do.
Has anyone had an experience of managing to overcome guilt like this and forgive themselves?I love my boyfriend and want to be with him but feel so unworthy and wonder if I should let him go

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    for me personally i think that cheating on a partner is possibly one of the lowest things possible (not trying to rub it in)

    but its gonna take time for you to forgive yourself, think yourself lucky that he's forgiven you so you must be doing something right.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yep often this is the problem with cheating.

    In some cases I think its best not to admit the cheating to your partner. If its a one off and you deeply regret it. Why risk the heartbreak you would cause your partner, plus the extra guilt you feel for causing the heartbreak as well as the cheating?

    Sometimes I think people admiting the cheating do it because they feel so guilty about lying etc and need to get it off their chest (to rid themselves of the guilt if you like) without considering the damage it can do to the other party.

    This isn't aimed at the original poster and your situation. I'm sorry you feel so bad, its obvious you deeply regret what happened, please try to remember you partner has forgiven you and you must now accept that and move on for both of your sakes. Good luck with everything and keep us posted :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should maybe just have a big conversation with your boyfriend about it, because you can't go on like this.

    It's not a nice thing to have to do, and it might be proper painful to bring it all up, but I really think it needs done, and I just think it'd be healthy if you got it all off your chest, and he spoke about it too.

    Being guilty is one thing, but when it gets to this stage I think you need to bite the bullet and have it out.

    Hope things turn out OK.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bri-namite wrote:
    I think you should maybe just have a big conversation with your boyfriend about it, because you can't go on like this.

    It's not a nice thing to have to do, and it might be proper painful to bring it all up, but I really think it needs done, and I just think it'd be healthy if you got it all off your chest, and he spoke about it too.

    Being guilty is one thing, but when it gets to this stage I think you need to bite the bullet and have it out.

    Hope things turn out OK.

    I agree :yes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think you're probably right about the big conversation.i think i have to, i just can stop crying and cant sleep even with sleeping tablets. i dont see how things can continue the way they are.
    i just feel like ive fucked things up permanentely.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lil yellow star wrote:
    i think you're probably right about the big conversation.i think i have to, i just can stop crying and cant sleep even with sleeping tablets. i dont see how things can continue the way they are.
    i just feel like ive fucked things up permanentely.

    You havent though he's forgiven you. You need to accept what you have done and use it as a learning experience.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lil yellow star wrote:
    i think you're probably right about the big conversation.i think i have to, i just can stop crying and cant sleep even with sleeping tablets. i dont see how things can continue the way they are.
    i just feel like ive fucked things up permanentely.

    You haven't, I promise that if you have the big talk with him then things will be clearer and it'll be a big weight off your mind.

    Guilt is a really hard thing to get over too, I really hurt somebody in the past too and I still really regret it, even though I think the girl found closure with it, so don't feel like you're the only one who ever made a mistake.

    Try and keep your chin up.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have found from personal experience that cheating does create great guilt but telling people doesn't help...it just adds to the problem. i think you just need time to get over it and forgive yourself. i dont think a chat to your boyfriend about it will make any difference.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You need to accept that he's forgiven you. After all, who are you? it was him that was hurt, and it is him that has forgiven, are you really so much more important that you can pretend or act like hit forgiveness doesn't matter?

    When you really recognise that you're forgiven, the guilt won't be plaguing you like this anymore.
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